Random Scenes Of Saiyuki
by YunCynImaginator
Summary: Scene 32 up! FINALLY! We've made our way into Saiyuki fandom! And somehow our heads kept on coming up with all sorts of skits and scenes. We hope you laugh!
1. We start with the normal scenario!

**Random Scenes (That Simply Popped Into Our Heads and Didn't Fit Anywhere)**

**By: Imaginator & Yun Cyn **

A/N: Yes, it's true. We have officially broken into the world of Saiyuki fanfiction. Hope you enjoy this first installment and we hope there will be more to come in the near future. 

And that the Sanzo-ikkou don't kill us once they read this. 

If this first story isn't satisfactory, please bear with us. Our humour will probably get better once we fall into the rhythm of Saiyuki humour.

_Imaginator_: Must you give such a boring author's note?

_YunCyn_: So sue me if I don't use flowy words!

_Imaginator: _(sing-song) No creativity, no creativity! 

_YunCyn_: *twitch*

_Imaginator_: *snickers* Must have been stifled by a certain boy from school...ne, YunCyn? *grins evilly*

_YunCyn_: That's it! *whips out gun* SHI NE!

**BLAM!**

_Imaginator_: (dies)

_YunCyn_: ^_^ On with the story...

Ahem...please R/R! Arigato gozaimasu!

Disclaimer: What disclaimer? We DO own them!

...

Okay... we don't. Can't blame us for trying...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

**A Normal Night In Saiyuki **

It was a moonlit night. The stars dotted the velvet night sky, and a thin streak of a shooting star flew across. The shadows of the forest trees hid the sleeping feathered birds, fast asleep in their nests, getting enough rest so that they had enough strength to fly the next day. The animals that called the forest home were quiet. The ones who walked during the day now slept silently. The night crawlers wandered and ambled about, searching for food and whatever was in their interest. An owl, with a pair of huge eyes, sat on a tree bough, eyes sharp and ready to spot his dinner. 

A movement in the long grass immediately made the owl swivel his head in the direction where it came from. A mouse, unseen to normal eyes, but clear as crystal to the old owl, nibbled on a seed in the grass, thinking all was safe. The brown owl flapped his wings in readiness. The soft rustling they made didn't distract the mouse. The hunter then took off with speed to rival the wind. He sped steadily to his prey, his eyes never leaving focus. His talons were about to squeeze the life out of his quarry when… 

He was nearly blasted to bits. 

***SWOOOOOSH!* *BOOM!*** 

A shrill scream "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH…!" pierced the air, awakening several sleeping residents of the forest. And frightening most of them. 

The flying green ki ball that had quickened a youkai's expiration date had nearly missed the poor owl. The wise looking bird, thought to be the symbol of wisdom, was thrown indignantly ten feet from the mouse and into the shrubs. Being a skittish fellow, the rodent had quickly scampered away, far from dangerous owls and flying youkais. An owlish squawk announced the owl's displeasure at being robbed of its dinner AND it's dignity. The night bird quickly regained balance and took off flying into the night air, figuring that it was much more safer to try and find dinner somewhere else. 

Perhaps on the moon. 

Clueless to what he'd done to one of the birds of the forest, Hakkai sent another ki ball flying into yet another youkai while Gojyo swung his blade, slicing a youkai into half. Sanzo stood at another point, shooting some other demons with his gun. He looked cranky. But what else was new? Son Goku, was busy trying out his new technique: whack and stab. 

*WHACK!* A youkai saw stars. For at least a few seconds before the Nyoibou plunged right through him, killing the youkai instantly. 

"Sanzo!! Can we eat after this?!" *WHACK!* (dazed look on youkai) *stab* (scream) *WHACK!* *stab* (scream) 

*BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!* "Bakasaru! Can you stop thinking about food for at least one more minute?!" 

*Slice* *swing* *slice* "Ne, Hakkai! What happened to the one that tried to kill you in your sleep?!" 

*SWISH!* Youkai's terrified, wide-eyed expression. *BOOM!* Youkai scream. "Um…dead?" *Gathers energy into ball* *releases ki ball* BOOM! *Another youkai's last scream* 

"Of course. How-" *Slice!* *swing* "Stupid of me!" 

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! "It comes naturally to you." BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! 

Gojyo glared at Sanzo as the crescent blade sliced through another youkai. "Corrupted, droopy eyed monk!!" 

Somehow, Sanzo was more preoccupied with shooting youkai than whacking Gojyo on the head. He'd do it later. 

*WHACK!* *Stab* *WHACK!* *Stab* "Harahetta…!" 

*SWIIISH!* *BOOM!* "Well, looks like you can eat now, Goku." 

The Sanzo-ikkou stared at the scene around them. The ground was littered with bodies and ashes. The night was silent once more. They'd defeated another horde of youkai. Again. 

Hakkai sighed in slight relief. It'd been a little tiring trying to be witty in their bantering while defeating enemies intent on destroying them and eating Sanzo. Gojyo made the shakujou disappear and grinned. "Yeah. Not that it's gonna do the saru any good. His stomach must be made of rubber." 

Goku scowled. "I do NOT have a rubber stomach!!" 

Gojyo snickered. "No? Then where does all the food go? Filling up the empty space in your skull? No wonder you can't think of anything else but food." 

"ERO KAPPA! You trying to pick a fight?!" 

"So what if I am, bakasaru?!" 

"Grrrr!! If I weren't so hungry, I'd whack you with the Nyoibou right now!" 

"Hah!? That twig won't hurt me." 

"You wanna try, you perverted water monster!?" 

"Bring it on, you dumbass ape!" 

Hakkai didn't even bother trying to stop them. He knew they never listened anyway. Hakkai glanced at Sanzo. The monk's hands were twitching alarmingly. 

_3…2… _

**::WHACK! WHACK!::**

_1. _

Silence with the exception of Gojyo and Goku groaning in pain and indignity followed. Hakkai smiled and suggested they find an inn to spend the night in and to get some midnight snacks. Sanzo replaced the harisen and said if the kappa and the bakasaru made one more sound, the jeep would have two less people to carry around. He began to walk to said jeep. 

Goku made the unfortunate decision to go and clarify just which pair Hakuryu was not going to carry if they made one more sound. Gojyo and Hakkai who were a few feet behind them saw the silhouette of a harisen make contact with a saru's head. A resounding "THWACK!" and "ITAI!" accompanied it as well. Hakkai chuckled and shook his head. Gojyo took out a cigarette and started smoking as they walked. 

Another night in the life of Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku. 

**The End. **

**~*~*~*~*~**

Imaginator: (resurrected) Review onegai! Arigato gozaimasu!

YunCyn: *bows* Thanks again for reading!


	2. Encounter Of The Fuzzy Kind

**A Squirrelly Situation**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

A/N: Well, as part of the our official breaking into the Saiyuki fandom we've included our favourite scene. *grins* Hope you enjoy it as much as we did writing it. 

_YunCyn_: *snickers* I like B-MMPH! 

_Imaginator_: *clamped hand over YunCyn's mouth* Baka! Don't spoil it for the readers!

_YunCyn_: *shoves Imaginator's hand away* Gomen! And hope you review! 

Disclaimer: Disclaimer? We have a disclaimer?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sigh…not again. 

"OI! Prince! Don't you EVER get tired of trying to steal the sutra?!" 

"Don't YOU get tired of defending the pathetic monk who carries it?" 

Twitch. Pathetic? "You're going to die for that comment." 

"Ooh, I'm shaking." 

"Well…you usually aren't this sarcastic, Kou." 

"I was in the middle of sleeping when some idiotic servant wakes me and I have to come and face THIS bunch of misfits! In the middle of the night too! I think I'm entitled to a little sarcasm." 

"Aw, does baby princey need a nappy?" 

Sweat drop. "Gojyo…" 

"Will you quit doing that baby talk!? It sounds scary coming from you." 

"And I was having so much fun doing it too." 

"Will you quit talking and start fighting!?" 

"My, how impatient, Dokugakuji." 

"I got it from you, Gojyo." 

"Heh." 

"RRRAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!" 

***SLAM!*** 

"Itai…" 

"Goku…Lirin, even if she is charging at Sanzo, is still a girl. You didn't have to hit her that hard…" 

"Really? I didn't notice." 

"That you hit her that hard?" 

"That she was a girl." 

Sweat drop. BIG sweat drop. 

"Lirin-sama! Daijoubu ka?" 

"Grrr…! You're gonna pay for that!!" 

The scuffle began. Doku and Gojyo leapt at each other, all the while exchanging comments. 

"You've improved, Gojyo!" *swing* *slice* 

"Cut the bull, oniichan. I was better than you from the beginning and you know it!" *dodge* *swing* 

Yaone and Hakkai exchanged weary looks. 

"Well, let's begin. Ready, Yaone-san?" 

Flash. The spear appeared. "Always, Hakkai-san." And with that, she dodged a flying ki ball and tried her best to scar Hakkai. 

*Pow! Punch! Kick! Slam!* "Quit moving about, you dumbass monkey!!" Lirin still deeply wanted to throw Goku into a mouth of a volcano after that 'she's a girl?' crack. Preferably after she'd used to a poker and a fork to disembowel him. 

Goku dodged the blind kicks and punches with the greatest of ease. *Whack! Whack! Whack!* "I AM NOT A SARU!" 

This left Kougaiji and Sanzo. They gave each other steely-eyed glares amidst the background of their fighting companions. 

"Too scared to make a move?" 

"Not on your life." 

Kougaiji held up his hands to throw a fireball. Sanzo raised his Smith & Wessons, ready to shoot a hole in the prince's head. It was a moment so tense; you could see electrical sparks go off between the monk and the youkai. 

Chatter. 

The fireball fizzled. 

The gun remained silent. 

And two pairs of eyeballs traveled to Sanzo's shoulder. 

A fuzzy brown squirrel with an equally furry tail sat on the monk's shoulder. It also had a pair of innocent almond shaped brown eyes. It's tiny paws held a bit of the sutra as the squirrel peered at it. It continued to chatter. 

Genjo Sanzo with the power to seal up a created world and Prince Kougaiji with the ability to blast ordinary men to bits, continued to stare at the defenseless brown squirrel who just chattered on and on. The cute button nose twitched and the squirrel came to a decision. 

This shiny, nice, soft material would be perfect for a nest. 

The fuzzy brown forest creature then looked up at the purple eyes man with golden hair who was staring at it. It cocked its head. Sanzo could swear he saw it smile.

Hey, that looked shiny too! 

The squirrel got onto its rear legs and with its buck teeth, pulled out some strands of golden hair from Sanzo's scalp. Sanzo went cross-eyed following the squirrel's motions. Kougaiji also just stared, struck dumb. 

With a chatter that was probably squirrel for "Thanks", it jumped off and scurried into the forest, the sutra held tightly between its paws. It fluttered behind it like a bizarre paper cape. Gold hair was also in its mouth. 

Sanzo and Kougaiji slowly looked at each other. Then at Sanzo's head. Then at the forest. 

And a sharp twinge of pain shot at the place where the squirrel had so gingerly plucked some hair. Sanzo flinched. 

"Did that squirrel just take off with the sutra?" 

"…hai." 

Lirin, Goku, Doku, Gojyo, Yaone and Hakkai, all of whom were busy fighting, face faulted at the blended mix of blood curdling yells that suddenly resounded. They swiftly snapped their heads around to see their normally cool, calm, collected and mostly silent leaders crashing through the shrubs and deep into the forest. 

And none too silently too. 

"COME BACK HERE, YOU FLEA INFESTED RODENT!!" 

"YOU'LL BE MADE INTO SQUIRREL MINCED MEAT IF YOU DON'T!!" 

Six youkai sweat dropped. 

"Ano…what happened?" 

"…do you want to know?" 

"…no." 

"Good. Coz' I have no idea either." 

"How long do we have to wait?" 

***BLAM! BLAM!*** 

A roar that sounded like a fireball flying reverberated. The sound of a falling tree followed almost immediately. Several more gun shots followed. Flocks and flocks of several different species of birds flew out of the trees. Hakkai saw a stag, doe and two fawns run out of the forest as well. 

"For quite a while, I'd say." 

"…I'm hungry!" 

"Me too!" 

"We've got some bento boxes in Jeep. Care to join us?" 

Doku shrugged. "Why not?" 

"Arigato, Hakkai-san." Yaone bowed and Hakkai gave her a smile. 

The six youkai walked over to Hakuryu who was still in Jeep form, deciding that a midnight snack was worth putting their fighting on hold for. As they ate, shouts, crashes and booms became normal to them. 

"So, how long do you really think they'll take?" 

***BOOM!*** 

"Till dawn?"

"MISERABLE FLEABAG!!" 

"Care to bet on that?" 

"I bet two coins on dawn." 

"GIVE BACK THAT SUTRA, DUMB SQUIRREL!" 

"Two coins on an hour before that." 

***BLAM!*** A tree fell. ***Crash!*** 

"I wanna bet too!" 

"Lirin-sama, you're too young." 

"Goku can play poker!" 

Sigh. "Alright…" 

"HEY, NO CLIMBING, YOU IDIOTIC PEST!" 

Everyone had no idea whether Sanzo was cursing Kougaiji or that…thing they were chasing. 

"One coin on eight in the morning!" 

"Ch'! One coin only?" 

***BOOOM!*** 

"Gojyo…" 

"!@#$%&!" came from the forest. Yaone quickly covered Lirin's ears. Hakkai did the same with Goku. Doku and Gojyo snickered. 

"Fine. Since she's only a kid…." 

***BLAM! BLAM!*** ***Crash!*** 

"I still say dawn…"

**The End. **

** ~*~*~*~*~*~ **

(A/N: We leave it to your imaginations as to the fate of the squirrel. Btw, Alexandra (a good friend of ours) actually owns the little furry brown guy and has fondly dubbed him 'Bucky'. Please handle with care. ^_^ And also, Kougaiji's only after the squirrel for the sutra.) 


	3. One of the mysteries of the universe

**What Has This Got To Do With Petrol?**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

A/N: Gomenasai for the lack of updates!! Authors were busy relishing the freedom from those @#$%!&(*^@ exams. ^_^

_Imaginator_: *sweatdrop* There ARE kids around too, you know...

_YunCyn_: Why do you think I censored it?

_Imaginator_:...still that was a bit much, wasn't it?

_YunCyn_: So I've been hanging around Sanzo too long. Sue me.

_Imaginator_: *sweatdrop* On with the story....

Disclaimer: *crickets chirp, wind blows, silence...*

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. 

Silence. 

Chug. Chug. Chug. 

Silence. 

Chug splutter splut- 

The jeep stopped with a shudder and a pathetic whine. 

"…" 

"Hakkai." 

"Hai?" 

"Why has Hakuryu stopped?" 

"I think he's out of petrol." 

"Hakuryu can take petrol?" 

"Hai." 

"…" 

"I'll go get some from the trunk." Open door. Walk to trunk. 

Incredulous look. "Hakuryu runs on _petrol_?" 

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

(A/N: We've been wondering about that too…come on, he's a dragon and a vehicle. Does that mean he runs on both food AND petrol? 

Wouldn't the petrol kill him? 

Or is it just to fuel the flames he can spout from his mouth? 

We've both got headaches now…) 


	4. When Goku's half asleep, there's only on...

**Sleeping Saru **

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: ...I'm thinking this is rather lame, innit?

_Imaginator_: I thought lame humour was what we were aiming for?

_YunCyn_: ...good point. Kit Kat?

_Imaginator_: I deserve a break. *Both munch on the chocolate*

Disclaimer: All been said and done. ^_^ Review please!

~*~*~*~*~ 

Gojyo sat in the back seat, staring up at the stars. His companions were still fast asleep. He looked over at Goku, eyes shut tight. His mouth was moving slightly. Goku was talking in his sleep. Gojyo strained his ears. 

"mumble mumble cake! Mumble harahetta mumble itai! Mumble mumble…" 

Gojyo's eyes widened. He'd heard 'harahetta' before but 'itai'? He listened some more. 

"Ow! That hurt! mumble mumble ero kappa mumble mumble…" 

The saru's dreaming that we're already on the move, realized the red head. A grin came upon his face. He said in a low voice, 

"Bakasaru." 

"mumble ero kappa! I'm not a saru mumble mumble." 

"Prove it. Jump out of the jeep if you're not a saru." 

Gojyo seriously didn't consider that Goku would be _that _naïve. Not even in his sleep. When Goku didn't move, Gojyo muttered, "Saru." He looked back into the distance. 

… 

"AAAH!" ***THUD!!*** 

Gojyo, wide eyed, turned to see Goku slowly getting to his feet, a throbbing bump on his head. 

"Gojyo? What happened? Why am I on the ground? Gojyo, why are you shaking like that? Gojyo? Are you choking?" 

**The End.**

**~*~*~*~*~ **

(A/N: And just to clarify something. Gojyo is obviously laughing. He isn't really choking. 

_Imaginator_: You were right. This is lame.

_YunCyn_: *munch* See?

_Imaginator_: Should we change it?

...

_YunCyn & Imaginator_: Naah...) 


	5. Singing can be hazardous to your health

**Elvis Presley Does Not Cho Hakkai Make**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: This was a result of us finding out that Hakkai didn't sing any of the songs at all. And that Ishida Akira apparently can't sing. *sweatdrop* We dunno whether this is true or not but...

_Imaginator_: He CAN sing!

_YunCyn_: How sure are you about that?

_Imaginator_: I thought you loved Hakkai!!

_YunCyn_: I do! But...

_Imaginator_: Hakkai hater!

_YunCyn_: AM NOT! Take that back!!

_Imaginator_: Hakkai hater! Hakkai hater!

_YunCyn_: TEME! *jumps on Imaginator and cat fight occurs*

_Weary muses_: Please review and the so-called mature authors hope you laugh...

**Disclaimer**: ....are we supposed to insert something here?

_Muses: _*sigh tiredly* It's a disclaimer. You know, the thing you're supposed to put saying you don't own any of the characters and such?

_YunCyn_: *stops fighting for a minute* ...ain't it obvious already?

_Imaginator_: *stops fighting as well* Yeah, I mean, come on. US making these characters up? Are you kidding?

_Muses_: Never mind...

_YunCynImaginator_: *shrug* AAAAAAH! *goes back to fighting*

~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo slurped on his beer, reading his newspaper. Goku was busy chewing on his food, satisfied that they had FINALLY stopped to eat. Gojyo chatted up a waitress who promised to see him after her shift was over. Hakkai was still not to be seen. 

All around them, various patrons, regular or not, drank, ate and talked. The innkeeper was busy checking his account books, making sure he wasn't being cheated. The waiters and waitresses bustled about serving and taking orders. The cooks in the kitchen fried, boiled, and basically cooked the meals. 

All in all, it was a normal busy inn. 

Until a thunderous noise split the air causing everyone to cover their ears and wonder if this was the end of the world and should they start praying for their very lives. Some of the dishes the waiters and waitresses carried crashed to the floor as their hands flew up to cover their own ears. Goku jumped out of the chair he sat in and fell to the floor. Gojyo's cigarette dropped as well. 

The ever calm, unperturbed Sanzo took another swig of his beer, just as huge chunks of plaster fell from the ceiling and onto tables and floors. Even more plates, bowls and food fell to the ground, making splat sounds. Gojyo and Goku (who'd scrambled to his feet) stared. The noise then came to a stop and everyone uncovered their ears, eyes wide, expressions shocked. 

"What the hell, heaven AND Gekai was that?!" Goku looked at Sanzo who's eyes had never left the newspaper through all this. 

"Hakkai singing in the bath, I presume." 

The short reply made everyone look up at the ceiling. Someone singing could dislodge plaster? 

And then cowered with their hands over their ears again as more plaster started falling in tempo with the noise. 

"I think he's singing 'Can't Help Falling In Love'. " 

"…" Goku, Gojyo and everyone else sweat dropped. 

**The End. **

~*~*~*~*~

_YunCyn_: (hair messed up, clothes also messed up) Review please while I try to kill Imaginator. 

_Imaginator_: YAAAH!! *jumps on YunCyn, punching and kicking* Thanks for reading!! YAARGH!

_YunCyn_: WAARGH! IMAGINATOR DIE!!

_Imaginator_: AFTER YOU PAL! *punch! pow!*

_Muses_: -_-### ~ (means vein throbbing in case you're wondering what the heck they're doing)


	6. 1 plus 1 equals CHOMP!

**Mathematics With Goku**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_Imaginator_: This was inspired during a Math lesson.

_YunCyn_: Before you think both of us are complete slackers in class who write stories when we're supposed to be paying attention to sensei, let us tell you-

_YunCynImaginator_: We're ** AWAKE** complete slackers in class who write stories when we're supposed to be paying attention to sensei!

_YunCyn_: ...uh...

_Imaginator_: *sweatdrops* Please read and review. Arigato.

Disclaimer: Nothin belongs to YunCyn and Imaginator. Nuff' said.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"You have 2 apples. Let's say _I_ took one apple-" 

"Now _I _have _one_ apple. And _you _have one apple. If I ate mine," 

Chomp. Chomp. 

"I have none and you'd have one apple! If I REACH over and took _your _apple…" 

"BAKASARU! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! AND GIVE ME BACK MY APPLES!" 

**The End. **

~*~*~*~*~ 

(A/N: That was Gojyo and Goku. Goku's teaching. *grin*) 


	7. Brotherly Love

**A Heart To Heart Moment **

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_Imaginator_: *smiles proudly* One of our more inspired ones, wouldn't you say, YunCyn?

_YunCyn_: *snickers* Indeed. And in case you were curious, this was after some ponderings of the brotherhood those four share.

_Imaginator_: Which later on lead to what would happen if one of them should express their brotherly feelings to another.

_YunCynImaginator_: Which then lead on to the creation of this random scene. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: What? You think we WANT to own a trigger happy monk, a kid who eats 24/7, an emotionally unstable guy and a chain smoking flirt? Who by the way, are all incredibly handsome?

...

We think we'll just leave it like that before the fact we don't own them gets too painful...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Goku?" 

"Hai?" 

"We've been traveling together for quite some time now, right?" 

"Hai." 

"And we've fought side by side in numerous perils, most nameless, some dangerous, all deadly. Right?" 

"Hai." 

"We've fought in all kinds of conditions. Sun, rain, lighting, thunder, sleet. And even blizzards. Correct?" 

"Hai." 

"And so you understand when I say I trust you with all my heart, right?" 

"Er…hai…" 

This was beginning to sound fishy. **VERY **fishy. 

"Now, I've come to regard you as my own brother. Don't you agree?" 

"…" Goku was speechless. Gojyo plowed on, never noticing Goku's loss for words. 

"So, I tell you now. I can put my life into your hands without the slightest doubt." 

Goku felt…unnerved. Gojyo had really placed that much trust in him? He could hardly swallow that. He was too touched. 

"So now, will you promise to trust me too?" 

Goku sniffed. "Hai." 

"And to be honest with me at all times?" 

Goku nodded, a lump in his throat. 

"So, in all honesty, Goku, tell me: did you take the meat buns I was hiding in Jeep?" 

Goku, in a I-love-you-you-love-me-I-will-confess-all mood said, "I didn't only take the meat buns, Gojyo. I _**ate** _them!" 

Goku continued, cutting Gojyo off. "I didn't plan on telling! I wanted to blame Hakuryu! But, when you told me how much trust you put in me, I couldn't lie!!" He started wailing. 

Gojyo patted him on the shoulder. "It was nice of you to be so honest with me, Goku. I really appreciate it." 

Goku nodded and smiled, a little teary.

"**NOW, PREPARE TO DIE!**" 

**The End. **

(A/N: No, Gojyo didn't kill him. Just gave him a few whacks on the head for stealing the redhead's snack.

_YunCyn_: *laughing* And to think we were going to make this into a serious scene for once!! BWA HAHAHAHAHHAAA!!

_Imaginator_: *laughing* Can, can you imagine that!? *laughs some more*

_Muses_: *sweatdropping* Please review. Arigato gozaimasu!) 


	8. 2 plus 2 equals what else but CHOMP! AGA...

**Mathematics With Goku II**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCynImaginator_: *sitting glumly*

_Muses_: ...

_YunCynImaginator_: ...

_Muses_: ...

_YunCynImaginator_: ...

_Muses_: ALRIGHT! We can't take this anymore!!

_YunCynImaginator_: A-re?

_Muses_: *grabs us by the collar* WHY aren't you making any trouble and making us sweatdrop!? It's creepy just looking at you two sitting there like a cow ran over you!!

_Imaginator_: *sighs* 

_YunCyn_: *takes muse's hand off collar* Unfortunately, this will be our last scene until after October. Alas, we two have the cruelest punishments ever dished out onto teens, kids...basically anyone who goes to school.

_Imaginator_: We shall be taking an exam called PMR. This exam is one that everyone our age in the country we live in is going to take. It's driving us up the wall.

_YunCyn_: That, and also our parents insisting that we study more and concentrate.

_Imaginator_: However, we will be back after October, hopefully with more scenes to make you laugh. ^_^

_YunCynImaginator_: *in unison* Arigato for all the support and we hope to see you again soon!

Disclaimer: 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo had point blank refused to do it. He knew too well the consequences and he really didn't want to have a headache that would probably plague him for a week. 

Hakkai had tried. Kami-sama knows he'd tried his best. But he'd failed. And miserably too. He'd nearly broke into tears. 

Nearly. 

Now, it was up to Sha Gojyo. 

His mission? 

Teach Goku Maths. 

The redhead took a pair of apples and gripped it firmly in his hands since the saru looked really hungry. 

"Okay, saru. I have 2 apples. Correct?" 

"Uh huh." A bit of drool came from the corner of Goku's mouth. 

"Okay…let's say I gave you one." An apple was handed over. 

"Then, you ate yours. **DON'T** eat it. Just imagine you ate it." 

Goku eyed the shiny red fruit hungrily. 

"Now, after you supposedly ate yours, how many does that leave?" 

"**NONE!!**" 

**Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!**

"BAKA! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT MINE AS WELL!! GET BACK HERE!!" 

**The End. **

_YunCyn_: Obviously, this time Gojyo's being Math-sensei. And both Imaginator and me had our own ideas. ^_^ Tho' the original idea came from Imaginator. Just for the record, I hate Math! 

_Goku_: I don't! 

_YunCyn_: Urusei. 

_Goku_: It's really fun! 

_Imaginator_: Urusei. 

_Goku_: All those apple questions? Yumm! 

_YunCyn & Imaginator_: *takes out two harisens simultaneously* **URUSEI!!**

**::THWACK!:: **(double thwacking at the same time) 

_Goku_: *swirly eyes* 

_YunCyn_: Well, now we must take our leave! 

_Imaginator_: Till next time, sayonara!

_YunCyn_: And yes, we did purposely leave the disclaimer blank. After all, you guys already know the usual thing. ~_^


	9. The UHO: Unidentified Huge Object

Muses: (enjoying the quiet peaceful day without the Two Girls Chaos Of Terror)  
  
Imaginator: (jumps into scene)Hi!  
  
Muses: Hi.Gak! We thought you wouldn't be back until October!!!  
  
Imaginator: Yeah, I know, I know, we said we wouldn't update until October, all that jazz..  
  
Muses: So go back to listening to that jazz!!!  
  
Imaginator: But this is important! You see, it is Yuncyn's birthday today!! (13th September)  
  
Muses: What???  
  
Imaginator: Yep! So, you see.she's in Singapore visiting relatives and I just thought I'd put this up as a birthday treat.  
  
Muses: (nod sagely)  
  
Imaginator: So Yunnie ol'pal, this is for you, hang it if it ain't funny but this is in honor of your birthday.  
  
Goku: (pops out of nowhere) What's a birthday? Is it good to eat?  
  
(Imaginator squashes Goku out of picture while muses sweatdrop)  
  
The UHO (Unidentified Huge Object)  
  
Goku stared at it. Gojyo stared at it. Hakkai stared at it. Even Sanzo couldn't help flicking his gaze in the direction of the.thing.  
  
It looked innocent enough, sitting in the middle of the dusty road which the Sanzo -ikkou happened to be driving along. It was pink, big and creamy.  
  
It was a cake.  
  
But it was three times the size of a normal cake, topped with candles galore, and was pink.  
  
Pink. Who made cakes that were PINK????  
  
Goku bent down and carefully and tentatively poked the cake with his forefinger.  
  
"Baka! You want us to be exploded into a million tiny pieces and waft away with the wind?"  
  
"Kono ero kappa!!! I was just testing it!" Indignant expression. "And we're not 'exploded into whateveryouweresaying."  
  
Spluttering. "But we very well could have been!!! Bakasaru!!!!"  
  
"ERO GOKUBURI!!!"  
  
"Yuncyn and Imaginator."  
  
"Hakkai, if you must interrupt our arguments, can't you at least say something that makes sense?"  
  
"It's from Yuncyn and Imaginator."  
  
"What's from Yuncyn and Imaginator?"  
  
"The cake."  
  
"Oh, and how did you come to that conclusion, Oh Sherlock Holmes of Japan? For all we know, Kougaiji probably sent it baked with some poison he got, compliments of Yaone who, need I remind you, tried to poison us the last time? Or maybe Nii pumped it with some sort of new chemical designed to turn us into purple tree frogs..."  
  
"It says so right here on the cake." And true enough, beneath the bundle of candles hot enough to rival the sun were the words, written in, yes, bright pink, 'From Yuncyn and Imaginator to the Sanzo-ikkou on a Journey'.  
  
"Oh." Sheepish expression. "But it still might be dangerous!!!! I mean, they were the ones who misused us to all those lousy scenes which did NOT help our macho image, not to mention introduced us to your lousy singing..."  
  
A deadly flash appeared in Hakkai's eyes. Gojyo quailed.  
  
"I mean, your FANTASTIC singing. Sanzo, don't you agree that this cake is not ordinary? I mean, who just puts a perfectly-normal cake in the middle of the road for us to eat???"  
  
"Yuncyn and Imaginator, apparently."  
  
"Baka."  
  
"Teme!!!" Gojyo stopped in mid-sentence as Sanzo hitched up his robe and began walking to Jeep.  
  
"Ikku. Leave the cake where it is. We have a journey to continue."  
  
"Ahhhaha...it's a little too late for that." At Hakkai's words, Sanzo turned around.  
  
And began twitching as the last remains of the frilly, pink cake entered the domain known as Goku's stomach.  
  
"Sanzo, this is a pretty good cake!! I wonder if there're any more..."  
  
*TWACK*  
  
"Itai!!! What's wrong about..."  
  
"You baka!!! You just ate a cake that might be poisoned!!!"  
  
"Ahaha...too late now."  
  
"If you get food poisoning in your sleep tonight, don't knock on my door."  
  
"Demo..."Goku stared as the other three got into the Jeep. Then he clambered up into the Jeep.  
  
"Well, it could've used more sugar..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Imaginator: And that's it, folks! No more updates until October!!! Ciao!!!  
  
A/N: If you're asking about the 'pink' references, it was based on one of Yuncyn's Saiyuki stories about 'paint war' or something along those lines, she's got too many stories for me to remember. Go check it out, it's good.  
  
And our cakes do NOT need more sugar. Goku's insane appetite doesn't make him an epicure.  
  
Why the cake? I don't know. Don't ask.  
  
And one more thing: Yuncyn? Happy birthday, pal. 


	10. Celebrate good times, come on!

**'Family' Reunion**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: WE ARE BACK!!! WOOOHOOO!!! 

_Imaginator_: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! *dances in happiness*

_YunCyn_:*joins Imaginator in dance of joy* WE LIVE! WE SURVIVED!! WOOHOO!

_Imaginator_: SOU DA YO!! *continues dancing*

_Muses_: *sweat drop seeing crazy authors* We suppose it's up to us then to say all the usual stuff...

_YunCyn_: No, no! This is special! 

_Imaginator_: Sou, sou! This marks our return to FF.Net with Random Scenes!! *fireworks go off*

_YunCyn_: YEAH!

_Muses_: *sweat drop even more* Ok...

Imaginator: AND this is a birthday present to our pal, **Fuuei-chan**!!!

_YunCyn, Imaginator & Muses_: **Happy Birthday, Fuuei-chan!! **Hope this makes you laugh!! ^__________^

Disclaimer: Oh come on! You know the drill! Shoo! Go read!

~*~*~*~*~ 

Sanzo, Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo stared. Then they stared at each other in disbelief. Then they stared again at the scene they were facing in more disbelief. 

Hakkai watched the proceedings with a decidedly confused expression. Now, this was unusual. To say the very, very least. A slight and thin man who looked very nervous stood at the end of a red carpet. He looked about ready to bolt at the slightest noise. What was he looking so nervous about? 

Sanzo, ready to let loose the sutra, shoot everything in sight and whack somebody on the head, looked at the ribbons and garlands of large pungent flowers that decorated the benches and tables. As well as something that looked like an altar. It was WAY too flowery for his taste. If it was up to him, it'd have been burnt and buried six feet under. Along with the person who decided that HUGE frilly **florescent pink **bows were in fashion. Not to mention the over powering "aroma" of the flowers seemed to have put his nose out of commission. 

Goku eyed the long buffet style table hungrily. There were dozens of plates filled with food of every kind. It was enough to feed an army ten fold and made the saru's mouth water. Especially the HUGE eight tier white cake that stood by the side of the table. He could already imagine it going down his gullet, settling in his stomach. It would feel quite comfy there, he was sure. 

Which reminded him. He was hungry. 

Again. 

Gojyo looked at the room where the enormous (again, to say the least) women in the fancy lime green dresses had gone into, giggling and squealing, in disgust. Good Lord, he couldn't imagine how they had gotten so gigantic. He noticed, with some trepidation, a particularly huge woman looking at him. She winked, her enormously well-endowed bosom shaking. Unfortunately, so was her stomach which rivaled the said bosom. Which was no match at all. He wished he was elsewhere, _anywhere_ but here. 

"Ano…Sanzo? Have you any idea what all this is about?" 

"And how we got into this whole affair in the first place?" 

"No." Sanzo took out a cigarette and lit it up. 

Goku looked at Hakkai. "That strange loud fat lady fell on Gojyo with this huge squeal, remember?" 

"Oh yeah. I almost died. What with her crushing my lungs and all that..." Gojyo grimaced. "I don't think 'fat' quite fits the bill though…how about gargantuan?" 

Hakkai tried not to snicker too rudely. "I thought you liked women on top of you." 

The redhead shuddered. "NOT 800 pound women who seriously needs better taste in clothing. And lighter make up. And a smaller hat. And liposuction. _Major _liposuction." 

"What's liposuction?" Goku asked curiously, tearing his gaze off the shrimp, which he had been glued on. 

"Kids shouldn't know about these things." 

Shrug. "Anyway, she dragged all of us into a room, and then handed us these clothes, correct?" 

"Lousy, starchy clothes…tell me again, **_why_** did we put them on?" 

"Because she looked like she was gonna cry when we came out and weren't wearing them?" 

"Oh yeah. Hakkai said he didn't want to drown in her tears, didn't he?" 

"God, no. She's scary enough when she's happy. Who knows what will happen when she cries?" 

"But you did say you…" 

"So I did. Then we went back into the room, we got changed, we came out, she squealed _again_… what happened next?" 

"We got squeezed by the 800 pound woman who has no idea how heavy she is." A snort punctuated this. "Then we blacked out as a result of her hugging us." 

"Then, we woke up again, right?" 

"Yeah. So, the fat lady looked like she was gonna hug us again so Sanzo pulled out the gun and aimed it at her." 

"Good for you, Sanzo." 

"Ch'. She was asking for it." 

"I don't blame you. Then, she backed off with this reeeeally hurt look which made us run, and here we are. Is that it?" 

Gojyo nodded then scratched his head. He tugged once more at the collar, cursing the starchiness of it all. He looked around at the wedding cake, the wedding altar, the bridegroom who looked very, very nervous and very very susceptible to fainting, and at the wedding benches. He also looked at the fat women who seemed liable to break the benches (and there were a LOT of them and very few benches) with a shudder. Gojyo looked at the sticker stuck on the front of his suit that read "Hello! I'm the usher!" then at the others. They all had the same sticker on their suits. 

"I STILL have no idea what all this is about." 

Just then, a humongous man came and 'hugged' Hakkai. The green eyed healer, tall as he was, was lifted at least three feet above sea level, and was gasping for air. Just as he was turning blue, the man finally dropped him and boomed, 

"COUSIN HARRY! I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO COME!!" 

Once and for all, Hakkai's eardrums were destroyed. The man looked Hakkai from head to toe in distaste. " You've grown thinner! Too bad. Must have been very cold in the winter." 

For once, even Sanzo had nothing to say to this. Hakkai was wide-eyed, staring up at the huge man (huge in width and height. And there was no excuse about him being under tall and not over weight.) 

"C…cou…cousin Harry???" 

"Somehow, I don't really want to know how cousin Harry looks like," Gojyo murmured. 

"Me neither." 

Hakkai sweat dropped nervously. "Uh, ano…boku…" 

"Ah, pish posh, Harry old boy!! Stop with all that Japanese! I never could understand it." 

Sanzo immediately mumbled something in Japanese to which Gojyo snickered. The snicker made the humungous man turn and… 

Spot Sanzo. 

Everyone's eardrums within a 35 feet radius burst. 

"WALDOO! HOW ARE YOU?! I haven't seen you in ages!!" 

As swift as Sanzo's reflexes were, the fat guy grabbed Sanzo faster than anyone would've imagined and proceeded to give the monk a bone crushing squeeze. The look on Sanzo's face was priceless. Goku was about to make the Nyoibou materialize and beat the stuffing out of the huge man when Sanzo was finally put down onto the ground, the monk gasping for air like a fish out of water. Hakkai and Gojyo wondered how Sanzo could still manage to breathe. After all, Sanzo hadn't had much practice at being crushed. Unlike Hakkai. [1] 

However, it was clear that Sanzo was alive.

And breathing. 

And his hair shaded his eyes. 

Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku inched away slowly, each one pitying the fate of all the people there. 

"Now, Waldo! What have you-" 

**BLAM!!**

~*~*~*~ 

"Sanzo…" 

"Urusei." 

"Demo-" 

"Urusei." 

Sigh. "Very well…" 

The jeep rumbled off, leaving the fat guy that had the misfortune to hug Sanzo, being fanned by his relatives (all…roly-poly, to put it delicately). Sanzo had not been so…cruel as to actually kill him. 

A simple and singular blam (that was within VERY close proximity of the fat guy's head) had been enough to make the man turn fish belly pale and hit the ground, making it shake like Godzilla had stamped his foot. The VERY happy bridegroom had shaken Gojyo's hand so vigorously, the redhead's arm had nearly been pulled off. The groom couldn't thank the Sanzo-ikkou quite enough. 

The man Sanzo nearly murdered was his father-in-law-to-be apparently. 

**The End. **

~*~*~*~*~ 

[1] Remember that episode in the second season where a huge youkai gave Hakkai a so-called fatal bear hug? Didn't even scratch him. 

Don't ask. We too have no idea. In case you didn't catch it, lime green is mostly the colour of the bridesmaids dresses ANY bride dreads to have at her wedding. A kinda spoof on wedding nightmares if you will. 

And any wedding has to have a loud, dramatic Aunt *insert-name-like-Gertie-here* to generate a lot of fuss. And Cousin Harry was ALL Imaginator's idea!! 

_Imaginator_: Hey, YOU gave the second name. '_Waldo_?' 

_YunCyn_: It sounded quite appropriate at the time…at any rate, happy birthday again, Fuuei-chan!! *waves*


	11. Questions, questions, questions

**Can Sanzo's Have Pensions? **

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_Imaginator_: All due respect and credit goes to our Bucky owning friend, Alexandra!!

_YunCyn_: Seriously, she was the one who introduced us to Saiyuki! *bows* Sensei!!

_Imaginator_: Sou, sou! And thanks to her hilarious fanfic, it gave us this idea! 

_YunCyn_: *laughs* Her illustrations were great too!

_Muses_: *muttering* Maybe we should go work for her...

_YunCynImaginator_: *eyes flashing* NANDATO?!

_Muses_: Nothing, nothing!! Ahahahaha...

_YunCyn_: Good! ^_^

_Imaginator_: Hope you have fun reading this! Arigato!

**Disclaimer**: Amazing how we never get tired of putting this here.

_Muses_: It's to keep you dimwits from getting sued.

_YunCynImaginator_: True...heeeeey!! Who're you calling dimwits!?!

_YunCyn_: AFTER THEM!!

_Muses_: *start running from the crazy authors after them* TASUKETE!!!

~*~*~*~*~

"I'm going out." 

"Where, Sanzo?" 

"None of your business. I expect to see this place still standing when I get back." 

(When Sanzo was out….) 

"Gojyo?" 

"Hm?" 

"…what'll happen if Sanzo stops being a Sanzo?" 

"What the hell do you mean, saru?" 

"If Sanzo stops being a monk, what will he do?"

Pause. 

"I dunno, collect his pension or something…" 

"Sanzos' have pensions?" 

"Why are you asking ME?! I'm not some monk specialist. Ask Hakkai." 

"Hakkai…" 

"I don't know. Maybe he WILL get a pension…" 

"But I thought monks had to renounce all worldly things?"

Another pause.

"But if he quits, then he won't be a monk anymore." 

"Can monks quit being monks??"

Silence.

"Ahaha…actually I'm not sure myself…" 

"Can you imagine mister worldly monk quitting? Huh." 

"He isn't very monkly to begin with…" 

"True…" 

"I still don't get it. Can monks quit and get pensions?" 

Thinks hard. "…I suppose they just retire…" 

"But retiring is like quitting…isn't it?" 

Again pause. 

"Should we even be discussing this?" 

"Goku started it." 

"Nani?! I just asked…" 

"I know, I know, if monks could have pensions. (bored sigh) Not that it matters or anything…it's not like we're getting the pension…" 

Out of nowhere. 

"Can Sanzos bully their disciples?" 

"No. I'm quite sure about that…" 

"But Sanzo whacks us all the time!!" 

"…I don't think we ARE his disciples, Goku…" 

"Then what are we?" 

"…according to him, his lackeys." 

Throb. "Hakkai…don't you start…" 

"Can Sanzos-" 

"Uh, I think we'd better stop before Sanzo comes back…" 

(wicked gleam) "No, no, not now, Hakkai! It's just getting good…" 

"But Sanzo-" 

Pointedly. "Sanzo's not here." 

"Shikashi…" 

Wonders. "Can Sanzos swear?" 

"Ours certainly does." 

"But isn't it forbidden?" 

"…I suppose so…" 

"Can Sanzos drink beer?" 

Sweatdrop. 

"Enough of this boring "Can Sanzo's this" and "Can Sanzo's that". Why don't we wonder "Can Sanzo's sleep with sexy girls…" 

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

"One more word and you won't finish that question." 

"**GAK!!** When did you get back?!" 

"Just in time to hear that last question. Hakkai." 

"Hai?" 

"Can Sanzos shoot idiotic sarus and kappas who deserve long, painful, agonizing deaths?"

"…………ahaha…………"

**Tbe End. **

~*~*~*~*~

_YunCyn_: So, CAN monks retire? 

_Imaginator_: I wonder… 

**BLAM! BLAM! **

_Imaginator_: (laughs nervously) Let's just change the subject, isn't the weather nice today? 

_YunCyn_: But I really wanna kn- 

**BLAM! BLAM! **

_YunCyn_: (instantly) Ah yes!! Mister Sun is bright and bouncy today…! 


	12. Kanzeon! I didn't know you CARED!

**Reincarnations. Sort of.**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

**~*~*~*~*~**

_Imaginator_: This truly was a spur of the moment thing, wasn't it? 

_YunCyn_: *nods* Truly. And to think it all started with that angst-filled-everyone-suffers-ever-so-depressingly story of mine. 

_Alexandra_: You fiends!!

_YunCyn_: ^___^ Readers, this is our Bucky-owning-Kougaiji-obssesed friend, Alexandra. 

_Imaginator: _Whom we did mention in two chapters before. ^__^ 

_Alexandra_: *waves* ^___^ 

_Muses_: YOU'RE Alexandra!? 

_Alexandra_: *nods with confused expression* 

_Muses_: *on their knees, tugging on Alexandra's hands* SAVE US!! We need to go work for someone else!!! PLEASE!!! 

_YunCyn_: -__-### *tweaks Muse #1 by the ear* YOU did a lesson in loyalty… 

_Imaginator_: -__-### *drags Muse #2 by the ankles* AND YOU need lessons in not making us look bad!! 

_Muses_: *gets dragged away by irate authors, screaming and wailing*

…

_Alexandra_: ….uh, go read the story and please review. ^__^;;; 

**Disclaimer: **No actual muses were harmed in the making of this story and no Gensomaden Saiyuki belongs to us. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Lightning, bright blinding lightning, flashed across the dark sky threatening to blow apart anything in its path. Thunder roared its assent that nothing was to stand in its way. Winds, strong enough to uproot hundred feet tall oak trees, blew across the barren grounds. (One would almost expect a cow to come flying by). And below, a great battle ensued. One that would determine the very fate of the world… 

Goku: THAT'S **MY **NIKUMAN, DAMMIT, KONO ERO KAPPA!!! 

Gojyo: IT IS NOT! SINCE WHEN IS _YOUR_ NAME WRITTEN ON IT, HUH?! **HUH!?! **

Oops. Wrong argument. 

~*~*~*~ 

Anyway, now since this is supposed to be a random scene and not a serious fic, let's just say there was a **HUGE, GIGANTIC, LARGE** battle. There were monsters, earthquakes, fires, tsunamis and like in every epic battle there were big bad guys, even **BIGGER** bad guys, even **LARGER, BIGGER, MEANER** bad guys and… 

Four puny good guys. 

Now, the four puny good guys did some major butt kicking and the big bad guys, even **BIGGER** bad guys and the **LARGER, BIGGER, MEANER** bad guys that outnumbered them by several thousand leagues were soon butt kicked, head bashed, drop kicked off a cliff and stomped in the stomach more than three times each.

Meaning that like every epic battle, the puny good guys won.

However, after the debris and dust had cleared, the winds had died down and the agonized moans of dying youkais clutching their stomachs or detached limbs had gone off…

Four puny looking figures lay flat on the ground.

Some lay face flat while some were on their sides. There was even one face up! (Wouldn't want to ruin Sanzo's face, would we?)

It was obvious they weren't moving. (Otherwise Goku would've rolling around, groaning and demanding for food) 

It was obvious they weren't arguing. (Otherwise Gojyo would've been up and yelling at Goku to stop his belly-aching) 

It was obvious they weren't talking. (Otherwise Hakkai would've be very busy trying to talk Sanzo out of whipping out the infamous S&W and blowing two holes in two very familiar heads)

And way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, WAY up high, beyond the clouds, beyond the clouds before that, beyond the clouds BEFORE that, beyond the eagle that flies about a gazillion miles above sea level…

Was a woman.

Or a man.

Or a woman.

Or…or something.

Or a bisexual being who is both man and woman at the same time with the level of Narcissus's conceitedness.

This…bisexual being (who we shall call a 'she' just to make everyone's lives easier) was staring down at the gory, blood stained, youkai-tromped-on battlefield. More specifically, at the four puny good guys that were lying on the ground.

For once, her sharp tongue was quelled. Her gray eyes were filled with sorrow. Delicate fingers covered rosebud lips as she gazed unflinchingly at the … **_tragedy_** below. (Especially at the guy who was lying face up. Yes, it's Genjo Sanzo-houshi-sama!!)

For a few moments, there was silence. Nothing but pure, golden silence.

Then, the male one-third of the Three Aspects WARPED (there's no other word for it) into being beside her. He peered over her shoulder and shook his head sadly and slowly. 

"…well…at least they achieved their goal and completed what they came to do…" 

"…" 

"And they learned the value of comradeship, of brotherhood… and of loyalty." 

"…"

"And after all has been gone and done with... they were true heroes till the bitter end."

"..."

"Kanzeon-sama? Are you alright? This… this is the first time I've seen you go so long without saying something sarcastic or completely narcissistic." 

Throb, throb, throb. 

"Kanzeon-sama…?" 

"_NO! NOTHING IS ALRIGHT!! THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE,** DAMMIT!!! **I DIDN'T SEND THEM ON THIS SUICIDE MISSION FOR THEM TO GET… GET…** SUICIDED!!! **THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO-_" 

She pulled out a newspaper containing a review of the Gensomaden Saiyuki DVD (which costs $115 and isn't cheap, mind you)

"_SURVIVE AND BEAT THE ODDS, **DAMMIT!!!**_"

"Uh, Kanzeon-sama-"

"_HE WAS MY NEPHEW!! HE WAS THE **ONLY** ONE WHO DARED TO YELL AT ME TO MY FACE!!! HE WAS FAMILY!!! AND THE REST WEREN'T ANY LESS EITHER!!!"_

"K, Kanzeon-sama..."

_"THAT LIL' CHIBI WAS SO CUTE!! HOW CAN HE JUST **DIE** LIKE THAT BECAUSE OF YOUKAIS HE CAN FLATTEN EVERY OTHER MONDAY!? WHO ELSE AM I GOING TO WATCH NOW?!!!" _

"K,Kanze-"

_"AND TENPOU WAS ONE OF THE BEST, MOST EFFICIENT STRATEGISTS TENKAI EVER HAD!!! HE WAS THE ONLY ONE IN TENKAI WHO HAD A DECENT SENSE OF HUMOUR!! HOW COULD SUCH A POWERFUL MAN/GOD **DIE AT THE HANDS OF SUCH LOWLIFES?!!**" _

"K, Kanzeon Bosatsu-s-"

"_AND **KENREN!! **EVEN THOUGH THAT GUY WAS A SMART MOUTHED PAIN IN THE ASS, HE WAS THE MOST TALENTED, QUICK WITTED GENERAL IN HISTORY!!! **WHY?!!!" **_

****

It was at this point where the male Aspect noticed something on Gekai. His eyes widened as he waved a finger in the air.

"Uh, Kanzeon-sa-"

"_DON'T **'KANZEON' **ME!! THEY WERE THE ELITE!! THEY WERE THE BEST!! THEY WERE THE CRÈME DE LA CRÈME!! AND WHAT DO THEY DO?!!! **DIE!!! **OF ALL POSSIBLE THINGS TO GO AND DO, THEY HAVE TO AND GET **KILLED!!! WHY?!!**" _

"Kanzeon…"

"_WHAT'S THE USE OF SENDING SUCH CUTE GUYS ON A ROADTRIP TO DISASTER IF THEY DON'T SURVIVE!?! **DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT, !@#$% &()!@#*!!!**_"

"**KANZEON BOSATSU!!**"

"**_WHAT?!_**"

The male Aspect jabbed a finger downwards.

At a very high-spirited, if slightly more than tattered Sanzo, whacking the brains out of his lackeys who were doing their best to dodge the dreaded Paper Fan under the given circumstances, pleading their innocence along the way.

In a very serious voice. "I supposed they were just unconscious. It's a wonder why nobody, _NOBODY_, sensed their breathing."

… 

"…oi." 

"Yes?" 

"You NEVER, EVER, in your ENTIRE EXISTENCE, heard all I just said. Understood?" 

Smirk. "_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, _Kanzeon Bosatsu-sama………" 

"Oh, shut up."

**The End. **

~*~*~*~*~ 

_Alexandra_: That was creativity gone WAY wrong, you sadistic, sadistic, sadistic authors!! 

_YunCyn_: Hey, it's not **our** fault we get ideas like this!! 

_Imaginator_: Blame **THEM**!!! *points to bruised and battered muses and plot bunnies* 

_Misfit (Plot Bunny)_: *wiggles nose innocently* 

_Traitor (Plot Bunny)_: *blinks at us, looking 'bunnily' cute* 

_Fluff (Plot Bunny)_: *twitches an ear* 

_YunCynImaginator_: *sighs* Like ANYONE could blame them.

_Alexandra_: ^_^;; Thank you for reading and we hope you enjoyed yourself!!


	13. You just KNOW they're dead meat

**A Whole Lotta Knows**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_Imaginator_: This was inspired by a slightly insane conversation we had in school. 

_Muses_: (dryly) Which one? ALL your conversations are insane. 

_YunCyn_: Sez who!? 

_Muses_: Trust us. We KNOW. 

_Muses_: *look very confused as authors start snickering like crazy* And just what is so funny? 

_YunCynImaginator_: You don't KNOW the half of it! *resumes snickering* 

_Muses_: *sweat drop* Never mind… 

**Disclaimer: **If we had a dollar for every time we said we don't own GS, we'd be millionaires with Ferraris by now. So, we don't own Saiyuki. 

***KA-CHING!!* **(the sound of a dollar coming in) 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

It was a quiet night for the Sanzo-ikkou. Unusual but not entirely _rare_. Especially in fanfics when one of the party has to angst by the window as rain pours. Or have a heart-to-heart chat with another one and have one of those _bonding_ moments. 

Yeah, right. 

But that's not the point. 

The point IS that it was one of those after-kill-maim-hurt-murder-vanquish-youkai-and-beat-off-sutra-hungry-Kougaiji-and-gang moments and all four of them were_ dead_ tired.

Uh… so to speak.

ANYWAY, the only decent inn in that particular town had only (surprise, surprise!) ONE room to spare.

**ONE**. 

**Uno**. 

**Satu**. 

**Ichi**. 

**O-N-E**.

Which meant our favourite group of youkai-busters had to _share_.

**SHARE**.

Okay, so they share. Not too painful. Right?

**WRONG**.

**DEAD **WRONG.

Because in that ONE room, there were THREE futons.

Did we mention there was only ** ONE** bed?

Now, if all three were to JUMP into that one bed, there would be enough yaoi fodder to feed the lil' minds of yaoi lovers everywhere. (YAOI FEST!! No offense, guys.)

**SO**.

Guess who got the bed?

"Oyasuminasai, minasan…" ^_^

The rest grumbled as Hakkai climbed into the bed and Hakuryu curled up by the pillow. 

Sanzo lay down on one of the futons, determined to check the next day if that deck of cards was fixed so that every single Ace, King, Queen, Jack and even the JOKERS ended up in Hakkai's hands. Grumbling, he rolled over and tried to doze off.

THAT was the point where this random scene takes place. 

It didn't start with a bang. 

It didn't start with a dream either. 

It didn't start with a bunch of stupid youkais charging into the room, screaming for Sanzo's sutra and blood. 

No, no. It was worse.

MUCH worse.

It started to softly and subtly, even SANZO wasn't sure how it began. (And all the yaoi fan girls may stop squealing and drooling. No one was in anyone else's futon or the bed)

Goku's voice traveled across the room into Sanzo's ears. "No, no, no! I know that YOU know that thing." 

Gojyo's voice replied. "No, wait. I know that YOU know that _I_ know. But you don't really know." 

Sanzo, with mild curiosity, wondered what they knew about. He rolled over again and tried to block the words from flowing into his ears.

He failed.

"But I REALLY know that you know that I know that YOU know! …Does Hakkai know?"

Pause.

"No, I don't think he knows. We know that he doesn't know what you know that I know that you know what I know." 

"Yeah… after all, not everyone could know that Hakkai doesn't know I know that you know that I know what you know. You know?" 

"Of course I know! I know you know that I know you know what Hakkai doesn't know and everyone couldn't know!" 

At this point, Sanzo had given up wondering what they knew. He just wanted to strangle those two if they continued yapping.

It was also at this point where the voices grew in decibels and volume.

"NO, they do NOT KNOW that we know what you and I know that we both know. Hakkai doesn't know. As we very well know." 

"Sanzo doesn't know either that we know. Right?"

A throbbing, not unfamiliar, began to thump against Sanzo's pillow.

"What if he knows?! He can't know that we know! You know?" 

"Of course I know he can't know!"

That's it. Anymore of these 'knows' and 'nos' ('knos'?) and I'm going to shove some bullets up their noses.

"NO! I know-"

That was _IT_.

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

There was a slight thump as Hakkai fell out of bed at the noise.

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**

Gojyo and Goku ducked as plaster and paint fell amongst them. They buried under the covers and pillow for good measure.

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**

Natural survival instincts took over as Hakuryu took refuge under the bed.

**BLAM! **

Breathing heavily, Sanzo tossed his smoking gun back onto the futon.

Then…

"If you two idiots don't shut your traps, I can promise you that bullets will be shoved down your throats where you'll receive new holes to breathe through in your esophagus. Is that _clear_?"

Two very chibi heads popped out of the covers and nodded vigorously before ducking back under their blankets.

Hakkai, very clueless and _completely _oblivious to the earlier conversation, ventured to make a comment. Or two.

"Uh…Sanzo? You do _know_ that you're going to have to pay for the holes in the ceiling…" He pointed upwards where numerous skylights were showing.

Sanzo's forehead resumed throbbing.

"_Yes, I do." _In a very strained voice.

(The trembling in Gojyo and Goku's futons increased dramatically)

"And you do _know _the owner won't be happy?"

Sanzo's head could hardly be seen at the rate he was hunched over.

"_Yes, I do." _

"And you do_ know _that open firing can be very dangerous-"

"_Hak-kai." _

"Nani?"

"_Do you have any idea this isn't the best time to tell me these things_?"

"I know but-"

The twitching in Sanzo's forehead grew so much, it looked like the monk was going into convulsions. Gojyo and Goku, hearing the silence stared at each other under their respective blankets.

"**HIT THE DECK!!!**"

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

**The End. **

~*~*~*~*~*~

_Imaginator_: You'd think they'd know not to flame Sanzo's temper. 

_YunCyn_: I know you know they should know. 

_Imaginator_: But what _did_ Gojyo and Goku know? 

_YunCyn_: You mean you don't _know_? 

(Sanzo can be heard cursing) 

_YunCynImaginator_: UH-oh… 

(Mini Sanzo appears in the distance and starts firing bullets at 80 km/minute) 

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

_Imaginator_: YAARGH!! 

_YunCyn_: RUN!!!

**Note**: By the way, the thing Goku and Gojyo 'you-know-what' ? We don't 'you-know-what'. Emphasize on 'you-KNOW-what'. 

Uno= One in Spanish

Satu= One in Malay

Ichi= One in Japanese


	14. When sarus get an idea, the rest get hea...

**Goku's Secret Weapon**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_Imaginator_: *raises eyebrow* This will never work in real life, you know. 

_YunCyn_: Does ANYTHING the Sanzo-ikkou do work in real life?

_Imaginator_: .... good point.

_YunCyn_: Exactly. Besides, if you wanna blame someone, blame the plot bunnies and the muses.

_Imaginator_: Who can blame cute bunnies and cute guys?

_Readers_: *gasps* Your muses are GUYS?!

_YunCyn_: *slaps forehead* The secret is OUT!

_Imaginator_: Uh, ahaha... uh... goreadthestoryandpleasereview!BYE!

_Muses_: *sweatdrop as they watch YunCyn and Imaginator run off like frightened jack rabbits*

**Disclaimer: **We took the Sanzo-ikkou out on loan and up till today haven't returned them. Nor do we plan to. *evil grin* 

_"This is FanFic Writer Police Squad! Come out fully with the anime characters in full sight and your hands behind your back! We have the place surrounded!"_

We've been caught!!! *authors zoom off screaming they never owned Saiyuki and never will*

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The Sanzo-ikkou had stopped to make camp. 

They'd made dinner with some supplies from the last town, a bento box that a kindly townsperson had given them in thanks for saving his young son from ravenous youkai and a rabbit that Gojyo and Hakkai had caught. 

The two idiots had argued over the last fried dumpling by the bonfire. 

The monk's forehead had throbbed as he growled a warning to shut up. 

The two idiots ignored said warning and managed to do a little fencing match with their chopsticks. 

The driver kindly reminded that flying chopsticks could poke an eye out. 

The monk muttered about letting them go blind. If the bakas couldn't see each other, they couldn't argue. 

The two idiots completely ignored their other companions and continued dueling with their utensils. 

Their voices grew louder. 

The argument was settled abruptly by two hard thwacks on the two idiots' head. 

And the whole thing ended with the dragon gulping down the fried dumpling. 

**"…HAKURYU!!!" **

Hakkai sweat dropped. "That's one way to settle an argument…" 

Sanzo glanced at the dragon who burped contentedly. He snorted. "Finally, some peace and quiet." 

Goku wailed, Gojyo berated… 

Sanzo thwacked again. 

Peace returned to the forest. 

But it didn't return to Son Goku's mind. No, in fact, his little saru brain (which rather ached after the amount of abuse it had suffered) was working quite steadily. 

Well, it also was working rather slowly thanks to distractions of food, but nevertheless, the gears were rolling shifting as all of them settled down for the night. 

An idea managed to take hold after several hours of agitated tossing and turning. And after Sanzo sat up, flung the harisen at him and yelled for Goku to go and sleep before Sanzo took the shourejyu and put him to sleep permanently. 

In the middle of the night, Goku grinned, his teeth glinting in the moonlight. 

~*~ 

"KONO ERO GOKIBURI BAKAYARO KAPPA!!!" 

"What kinda insult is that?! You're just stringing things together!!" 

"I am not!! And that was a perfectly good insult, kono LOLICON KAPPA!!" 

"NOW TAKE THAT BACK, monkey boy!! I never snatched any baby from ANY cradle!!" 

"HAH! That's a lie and YOU know it!!" 

"Oh, that's it!! YOU'RE GOIN DOWN!!!" 

"TRY IT AND SEE!!! I'LL HAVE **YOUR** BUTT KICKED!!!" 

"**GRRRRRR**…YOU TWO IDI-"

**SCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!! **

**BLANG!!! **

"WAAAAAAAARGH!!!"

**WHAM!! **

"Sanzo? Daijoubu ka?"

*Splut! Splutter! Spit!* Sanzo looked up from his meal of dirt and glared dangerously at Hakkai. "Does this look alright to you?"

"Ahahaha…youkais."

"Good!" Gojyo jumped out of Jeep followed by Goku. "A workout!"

Sanzo got to his feet and spit out some grit. _I've been flung out of the bloody jeep, I have a bloody headache and these bloody youkai want my flesh? _

****

**_BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!_ **

"_Not bloody likely_." Grated Sanzo, his eyes narrowed.

Hakkai sweat dropped. Sanzo's temper was a force to be reckoned with and then some. "Poor unfortunate souls…" And with that, he sent ki balls flying. 

Goku grinned. Now was the perfect opportunity to try out his new idea. 

He held out his hand to call out for his trusty Nyoibou.

Or so Gojyo, Hakkai and Sanzo thought.

"**NYOOOOOOOI… **

"**CHOPSTICKS!!!!!!**"

Gojyo, in the middle of slicing a youkai, face faulted with a crash. 

Hakkai mis-aimed once he heard it, putting the youkai he was aiming for into catatonic shock since the ki ball missed him by only an inch. 

Sanzo on the other hand…

"**WHAT?!!!**"

The monk whirled around, casually putting another youkai out of commission, to see what act of idiocy the saru had committed now.

True enough, in Goku's hands were two sticks of wood. Two puny looking pieces of wood that was supposed to be used for picking up food…

**POKE!! POKE!! **

A youkai with blood streaming out of its eye sockets ran screaming in agony and promptly dissolved into molecules.

Was poking youkai eyes out.

Hakkai sweat dropped. "Goku, when I said flying chopsticks could put an eye out…" a youkai that had tried to take the so-called opportunity to attack a so-called distracted Hakkai dropped not-so-called-but-VERY-dead as a ki ball went flying into him. "I didn't mean for you to take it so literally…"

Gojyo hopped onto his feet kicking a youkai in the chin and slicing him, strode over to Goku and tweaked him by the ear.

"YOU _**IDIOT**_!! That pair of puny TOOTHPICKS are **NOT** going to help us so throw them away and use the NYOIBOU!!!"

Gojyo released his grip. Goku winced as his ear throbbed.

"But, it worked…!!!" he whined. "And it's more efficient than the Nyoibou!!" 

"Well, it's not GOOD for our image, bakasaru!! What would people think!? One of the infamous Sanzo-ikkou using CHOPSTICKS!!?" 

Hakkai sweat dropped. "Gojyo, we're not aiming to be infamous…" 

"That's not the point!" snapped Gojyo. 

"I don't care! The chopsticks are easier to handle so I'm sticking WITH THEM!! And you can't stop me, lolicon kappa!" 

"I CAN and I WILL, bakasaru!! Gimme those chopsticks!!!" 

"NO!! NEVER!!!"

And from a fighting youkai fracas, it turned into a Goku and Gojyo wrestling for the chopsticks match.

The youkais sweat dropped. 

Sanzo glanced at them (the youkais, not the wrestling Youkais Example of The Village Idiots), feeling a headache coming on. There was no point in adding to his pain by dealing with more mindless morons. "Get your useless butts out of here." 

"Hah! Like we will, Sanzo! We-"

**CLICK. **

"It isn't every day I do this to lowlifes like you so I suggest you leave. **NOW**."

"Are you threatening me?! Because threats-"

**BLAM! **

  


"Anyone _ELSE_?"

The youkais, not being of the most intelligent creatures on Togenkyo snarled and stood their ground.

Sanzo _glared._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hakkai looked around, the sounds of Goku and Gojyo still wrestling for the chopsticks in the background. The ground was smoking from the bullets that had punctured youkais. It was a new record, noted Hakkai. 21 youkais in 18 seconds.

He turned to Sanzo who was keeping his gun back in his robes. "Sanzo…that-" 

"Was necessary since the three of you were _busy."_ Said Sanzo pointedly. 

"Ahaha… I was going to say that it beat your last record but…" 

"Are those two still at it?" Asked the monk. A second after the question was out of his mouth, Sanzo realized what a stupid question that was. However, he wasn't about to admit it had been rather obvious. 

Hakkai sweat dropped yet again. "Well… you know children… once they start fighting, it's rather hard to get them to stop…" 

Sanzo's forehead seemed to have grown a pulse at the rate it palpitated. "Watch me."

The monk strode over to the wrestlers.

**::WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!:: **

**"QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING, GET BACK IN THE JEEP AND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, KILL YOUKAI WHEN THEY ARRIVE, DAMMIT!!" **

****

Like docile school children, the two grumbled under their breaths and marched back to a waiting Hakuryu.

Hakkai couldn't help but sweat drop again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

As to be expected, Goku stubbornly held onto his chopstick attacks for quite a while. Rolling on their backs laughing either distracted his enemies or they just snorted and raised their eyebrow in disbelief.

Either way, anything Goku fought went blind.

Sanzo contemplated the pros and cons of this.

The pro: Their adversaries never expected _chopsticks_.

The con: It was EMBARRASSING.

The pro: It was quiet and efficient, not to mention dangerous to a point.

The con: It was EMBARRASSING.

The pro: Goku called on it the same way he used to call his Nyoibou so it didn't disrupt their usual posing before charging headlong into a horde of murderous youkai.

The con: It was EMBARRASSING.

"…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**BLANG!! **

"Hakkai, is it just me or do we literally run into youkai everywhere we go?" asked Gojyo dryly. 

Hakkai smiled placidly. "It's just you." 

"Figures." He glanced disgustedly at Goku. "Come on chopstick monkey." 

"I am NOT A CHOPSTICK MONKEY!!" 

"I call em' like I see em'!"

Gojyo jumped into action, Hakkai concentrated to make ki balls materialize, Sanzo pulled out his Smith & Wessons…

Goku held out his hands for his chopsticks.

"**CHOPSTIIIIICKS!!" **

The chopsticks obligingly appeared in his hands.

"Prepare to DI… **WHAT THE**?!"

Goku stared at his hands.

That held FOUR pieces of splintered, broken wooden sticks.

Each of the chopsticks had mysteriously snapped into two.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" **

Hakkai and Gojyo sweat dropped alongside their enemies. Goku sobbed.

"NOT MY CHOPSTICKS!! HOW?! WHEN!? WHY!? WHERE!? WHY MY CHOPSTICKS?!"

Sanzo continued shooting the distracted youkai as he called out,

"DAMMIT, SARU! QUIT CRYING AND FIGHT!!!" 

"But-!"

"OR-" **BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

**"NO DINNER FOR THE NEXT WEEK!!"**

"...Okay."

"**NYOIBOU!!"**

Hakkai and Gojyo respectively sweat dropped.

And with that, normality resumed. (If you can call these four normal) 

~*~*~*~*~*~

A dark green jeep rumbled along a dirt path, it's direction Westwards. You'd think after fighting off hundreds of hungry, stark mad youkais intent on relieving them of life, they'd be appreciating each other's help in keeping each other alive and thanking the powers that be for giving them another day to continue breathing.

You'd have a better chance at getting a giraffe, an elephant and a lion to form a pop group and sing "Hit Me Baby One More Time."

Sanzo was trying to doze off. The others who weren't as grumpy or as anti social stayed up. 

Hakkai mused about the day's events as he drove steadily on. "I wonder how your chopsticks broke, Goku…" 

Goku sniffed rather pathetically. "They were the best weapons I had. Besides the Nyoibou but…" 

Gojyo shrugged. "Look, they just snapped. Don't question it and be grateful." 

Hakkai nodded. Goku started to nod too then stopped short. 

"Heeeeey…whaddhaya mean "be grateful"!? You're HAPPY my chopsticks snapped?!" 

"Who wouldn't be? It was humiliating." 

"GRRR… you'll pay for that, ero kappa!!" 

"Pay? With what? My good looks? That is good payment though…" 

"LIKE HECK IT IS!" 

"You picking a fight, bakasaru?!" 

"SO WHAT if I am, you dumb cockroach!?" 

"Then, you're gonna get one! Get ready to eat dirt, monkey boy!" 

"BRING IT-" 

**::WHACK! WHACK!:: **

"**SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FREAKS!! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!**" 

"Itei…" 

"Stupid monkey, it's all your fault my head aches…" 

"Was not!"

Sanzo sighed, decided the effort to sleep was taking more work than staying awake, sat up. 

"Goku."

Goku looked up. "Hai?"

"Next time you have an idea like the chopsticks..."

Hakkai and Gojyo glanced at Sanzo who returned a rare knowing glance at the other two. They (even Hakkai who was _driving) _turned to look at Goku. In unison, they gave some very good advice.

"**STOP THINKING.**"

Goku pouted as Sanzo turned away and Hakkai resumed looking at where they were heading. "I STILL wanna know what happened to my chopsticks…" 

Gojyo lit a cigarette and rolled his eyes. "Stuff it, Goku. Only kami knows what happened to your chopsticks." 

With his face safely turned away from the others' view, Sanzo smirked.

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~

_Imaginator_: Waaaait a minute... since when is it a crime to have GUYS as muses?

_YunCyn_: *screeches to a halt* Hey, yeah...

_Muse #1_: You wanted to keep us mysterious, I believe.

_Muse #2_: And anonymous and only known as Muses. That's quite unfair.

_Muse #1_: *sniff!* After all the abuse we suffer...!

_Muse #2_: *sob!* The emotional torment....!

_Muse #1_: *crying on Muse #2's shoulder* The inhumane punishments they dish out when we can't come up with any more ideas for their sick twisted minds...!

_Muses_: *bursts into helpless tears* **And we can't do anything about it!! WAAAAAAH!!!**

_YunCynImaginator_: *glare* **Shaddup!**

**Note**: To all those who know and are fans of the anime Ayashi no Ceres, this was written before we found out Aogiri Yuuhi fights with chopsticks. 

Of course, he just knocks people out on their pressure points with them and not poke them in the eyes but...

_**Chopsticks?**_

...never mind...


	15. To every Saiyuki fanfic writer out there...

_Muse #1_: *yawn*

_Muse #2_: *turns a page of 'Tortured Muses Digest'*

_Goku_: Hiya!

_Muses: _WAAAARGH!! ***CRASH***

_Muse #1: _You're... you're Sanzo-ikkou!!

Gojyo: Who did you think we were? Tooth Fairies Inc.?

_Muse #2: _AND Kougaiji-tachi!!

_Dokugakuji: _Yo!

_Muses_: And Homura-tachi!!

_Homura_: *smirks*

_Muses_: ...what're you all DOING here?!!

_Sanzo_: Revenge.

_Homura_: Payback.

_Kougaiji_: For everything those two have done to us.

_Muse #2: _We knew this day would come...

_Muse #1_: So THAT'S why those two went running...

_Hakkai_: We caught them already.

_Muse #2_: *wince* Ouch...

_Lirin_: OUCH is right!! They got what they deserved!!

_Muse #1_: God bless them...

_~ Somewhere ~_

_YunCyn_: Stupid oversensitive anime characters...

_Imaginator_: Hey, stop cursing and figure out a way to get us out of this, will you?

_YunCyn_: And HOW, tensai, do we get out from handcuffs and straitjackets while being lowered slowly into a cauldron of boiling lava!?!

_Imaginator_: Uh....

**Disclaimer: **This shows what happens when Saiyuki DOES belong to us. We can never win so we're not even gonna try saying they belong to us.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**When Saiyuki Falls Into The Wrong Hands**

There is a fic by sanzo-chan the 3rd baka that explores a rather original question. (We're sorry for not asking permission, sanzo-chan and we give full credit to this author for coming up with the concept. Kudos to sanzo-chan the 3rd baka!)

What would happen if Saiyuki belonged to the authors and authoresses of fanfics in FF.Net?

It was too good to pass up. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Kazuya Minekura-sama, creator of several popular manga and anime series and creator of the most beloved Gensomaden Saiyuki series that feature our favourite boys of angst, drama and forced pain…

Was in a fit.

Yes. She was in a fit. Don't ask how, don't ask why, she just _was_. 

And as a result of that fit…

"Alright, fine! GO ahead! I relinquish my copyright of Saiyuki! GO AHEAD and let the public own Saiyuki!"

Kazuya-sensei storms out. But as she makes her way out, a hidden grin appears.

_I give them three days..._

~*~*~*~*~*~

And it was in happiness and joy that the Gensomaden Saiyuki fanfic writers received word that they now officially owned the series and characters and were therefore required to write down their exploits. All over the world, the fanfic writers got together and after two months, came up with a script that made almost everyone happy.

The almost everyone part meant that they had yet to receive the Saiyuki cast's reaction. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo stared at the pieces of A4 sized paper in his hands.

Then, he calmly set the papers down, wiped his spectacles and re-read the papers.

Two minutes later found him standing by the bathroom sink and scrubbing his glasses with detergent until it nearly broke under pressure. He put it back on after wiping it dry and polishing it with glass polisher (is there such a thing?) and read for the twelfth time, the new script for the Gensomaden Saiyuki anime/manga.

The words hadn't changed, the margins hadn't been tampered with and the plot remained the same.

They were _serious._

"…"

A vein began to throb as Sanzo's innate sixth sense picked up the notion that highly irate people were about to burst into his room. So he placed his copy of the script down and waited.

One minute later…

"**SANZO!!!!!!!!!**"

The blonde monk's vein throbbing increased as Goku crashed through the door. He silently noted a rather tattered script in the saru's hands that clearly showed that it had been through plenty of abuse via saru style torture.

"Sanzo, did you _see _what we have to _do_?!!!! DID YOU **_SEE_**!?!?!?" Goku was waving his script around as if he were helping to land an airplane. "They, they-!! I don't even know what some of those words MEAN!!!! And the ones I DO know are, they, they, AAARGH! DID YOU SEE WHAT WE HAVE TO DO!?!!!?!?"

It was either that Goku was too riled up over the plots to be articulate or he was too far back in his vocabulary to find any suitable words. 

Sanzo decided on the latter as Goku kept repeating whether Sanzo had seen and read about what they had to do. The monk didn't whip out the paper fan and whap the saru on the head for one reason. 

It wasn't worth it. The harisen would have more purpose later on. 

As it turned out, Sanzo was right.

Unfortunately.

**BAM!**

The door was unceremoniously kicked open and in walked Gojyo. His expression held promise of pain, anguish, horror, terror, pain and more pain to anyone regardless of gender, age and race. Goku whirled around from his ranting, decided it wasn't the best time to call the kappa a kappa and resumed complaining audibly.

The redhead walked right up to the monk and flung what was left of his script on Sanzo's desk so hard, it creaked.

"_I have to be a friggin' GIRL?!" _ hissed the redhead. Sanzo's eyes traveled to the script. It looked like it'd been twisted again and again and ultimately looked like a dog with no teeth had used it for a chew toy.

"I have to be a friggin girl for at least three episodes and then get into a lovers' spat with Hakkai and you?! A LOVERS' SPAT??!!" Gojyo was grounding his teeth so hard, there would have been no teeth for the kappa to chew with. Fortunately enamel is quite hardy. Goku, were he not ranting about what horrors he would be put through, would have sniggered. Instead he and Gojyo now stood in front of Sanzo, both looking like miniature Sanzos' on a bad hair day.

Sanzo had had no intention of replying. And even if he had, it would have been duly interrupted by Hakkai's arrival.

His monocle flashed.

It is a universal law that whenever light flashes off Hakkai's monocle, some natural disaster will occur somewhere in the world.

Either that or somebody was about to have their head and arms handed to them complete with their entire spine in the order it had been taken out.

And he _smiled_.

The said somebody could expect to see his entire skeletal frame laid out before his eyes. If he had any eyes at all once Hakkai was finished anyway.

Sanzo, Gojyo and Goku was entirely immune to this however and just awaited his reaction.

The driver of the group placed his own script on Sanzo's desk. It was still fully intact and in perfect condition.

_Nothing is what it seems, _thought Sanzo as he flicked his glance to Hakkai. 

"I trust you all have received the script?" 

Gojyo growled. Goku grumbled. Sanzo raised an eyebrow as he finally deigned to speak. "And?" 

"It's complete absurdity that I should be turning into my youkai self about three times every hour while you and Goku are eating each other's faces every other hour."

"I have to be a friggin' **GIRL**, Hakkai."

"Apparently you get hit on by your own brother."

Gojyo emitted a strangled noise. Sanzo let out a suffering sigh as he felt another vein throb at the back of his head. Goku tugged on Hakkai's sleeve.

"Hakkai…!" He wailed. "Why do I get picked on by Homura AND Sanzo!? I thought Homura was dead!!!"

Hakkai, not knowing quite what to say since he'd been placed in rather… awkward situations with Gojyo, Sanzo or Shien in the script, just shrugged. He turned to Sanzo.

"Homura-tachi are on their way to see you, I expect. Along with Kougaiji-tachi." 

"Why _MY _room?" 

Hakkai shrugged again. "Apparently you're the unofficial appointed leader." 

Sanzo felt a headache crop up as he shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. The kind of headache where there's a small person inside your skull pounding on a hammer and piercing your brain with a sharp rusty nail.

He didn't even bother to look up to know that the trio of terror had arrived.

"Let me make this clear, Konzen: I have NO intention of playing keep-away with the monkey." 

Zenon raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were obsessed with Son Goku." 

"Obsessed with getting him to create a new world, yes! Obsessed _with_ him, NO! The monk can have him!" 

"I don't WANT him." Growled the monk in his low grating tone. 

It was a lucky thing that Goku was too innocent (read dense) to be insulted. He just glanced at Homura and resumed ranting.

Shien looked at the script, at Hakkai and shuddered. "No offense meant, Hakkai-san but really…" 

"None taken. I understand completely." Hakkai felt his blood run cold as he glanced at the various scripts tossed on the monk's desk. There were some things he wouldn't do, for the sake of his dignity as a man. 

And for the sake of ever wanting to show his face in public ever again.

Zenon looked at Gojyo who had gone into a silent foul sulk. The kami couldn't help snickering. "I never knew you were so close to Hakkai." 

Gojyo glared. "_Shut. Up." _

Sanzo scarcely had time to tell Homura to shut up when Kougaiji burst in.

"**OKAY! WHO'S BLOODY FRIGGIN IDEA WAS IT TO HAVE ME IN A FRIGGIN DRESS!?**"

The rest (excluding Homura, Goku, Sanzo and Gojyo) couldn't help but snort in stifled laughter. Kougaiji glared at them and threw his own script to Sanzo's desk from five feet away.

"Sanzo, I don't care HOW you do it but just GET me out of that script. I am NOT about to wear a frilly pink polka dotted DRESS with the matching flowered straw HAT and PRANCE around tossing daisies along the road!! Princes DO NOT act like that!! NO ONE acts like that!!!"

(Sanzo now had rested his forehead against his desk, muttering "why me".)

Mysteriously enough, a certain tall basketball player from the series 'Slam Dunk' and from the school of Shohoku materialized right beside the incensed prince and sadly patted him on the shoulder.

"I understand." said Mitsui Hisashi with an expression that suggested matching flowery hats and daisy throwing were the _least _of the troubles to come. Kougaiji stared at him. Mitsui just returned a "Good-luck-and-God-bless-you" sympathizing look and disappeared out of sight.

Kougaiji blinked and said audibly. "I don't know what just happened but that just clinches it. I'm QUITTING if the script isn't changed NOW." The rest seemed to mumble their assent and those who were ranting/yelling/fuming/sulking resumed their various activities.

Yaone glanced at Hakkai, blushed but said nothing. Hakkai glanced at Yaone, turned a slight red but said nothing as well. There were some things too awkward to talk about.

Gojyo exchanged looks with his brother. 

"You're not taking this too well, are you?" 

"Try being put in a situation where I DON'T get a single girl." 

Doku gave a wry smirk. "Must be torture." 

"How bout YOU, Mister-Wrestle-Kougaiji-For-Yaone?" 

Doku turned red. "Shut up…!"

Lirin bounced in and very bluntly shouted indignantly, "I AM **NOT **YOUR GIRLFRIEND, BALDIE!!" She turned to Goku. "AND NEITHER AM I YOURS!!" 

Goku promptly yelled back. "WHO THE HECK WOULD WANT YOU FOR A GIRLFRIEND ANYWAY, YOU IRRITATING LOUD BOSSY BRAT!?" 

Doku and Gojyo palmed their foreheads as the two started arguing at decibels that rivaled sonic booms. Kougaiji and Homura started muttering to themselves about the absurdity of it all and like HECK, they were attracted to the stupid monk! Shien, Zenon and Hakkai shared reactions of when they first received the script.

It was Yaone who noticed that the monk was steaming. Literally.

"Uh, minasan…? We better keep it down… guys?"

No one heeded her quiet warning save for Hakkai who gave quiet warnings himself.

"**KNOCK IT OFF AND SHUT THE FRIGGIN HECK UP, YOU BUNCH OF ASSES!!!" **

Everyone (except for Hakkai and Yaone) turned to see Sanzo on his feet and throbbing veins all over his head. He picked up his gun, adjusted his robes and stuffed his glasses back in his robe. 

"I'm going to have a talk with the producers. The rest of you, do what you will." 

They watched him go out the door. Then they turned to Hakkai for an explanation. 

Hakkai smiled. "In other words, follow him." 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The following conversation took place behind the doors of a huge office.

"Ah, minasan! You've all gotten the new scripts I'm sure. I trust you have no problem wi-"

**BLAM!**

"Bring Kazuya back." 

"Sanzo-san, that, that gun is-"

**SLASH!**

"_Bring. Her. Back_." 

"G, Gojyo-san, let's be reason-"

**WHACK!**

"Bring her back, NOW!" 

"G, Goku-san, that, that's a very dang-"

**SLAM!**

"Before we cause major damages, sir, please get her back here." 

"N, now Hakkai-san, we, we don't want any new h, holes in the walls because of your ki-"

**(The sound of a fireball being conjured up) **

"If you can't bring her back, then revoke back the public's ownership of us." 

"K, Kougaiji-san!! This building could burn-!"

**(The hum of a fire sword) **

"We're NOT going to act like the script. What do you take us for, fools?" 

"PLEASE, Homura-san, I beg you! The building's too fragile for such weapo-"

**(The sound of everyone surrounding a nervous producer with an S&W pistol, a shakujou, a nyoibou, a ki ball, a fireball, a sword, a spear, a fist, a Taishi's fire sword, a machine gun and two glowing whips)**

"**_BRING KAZUYA MINEKURA BACK. NOW._**"

**(The sound of a frightened squeak and gulp)**

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kazuya smiled as she leaned back in her chair. It hadn't even been two days before she received a terrified call to please come back to work and that she could have whatever demands she wanted, just PLEASE come back and take control of her characters again!

_I knew it was a good idea to let those fanfic writers own Saiyuki for a day or two. _

Kazuya-sensei grinned.

_It helps me keep my job._

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Mitsui's appearance is an inside joke that we hope to reveal soon in a new story. *grin*

No offense to all the Gensomaden Saiyuki fanfic writers in FF.Net and all across the Net. This is really in tribute to all of you, your muses, your voices, your plot bunnies and your imaginations. We hope that you will continue writing and continue getting new ideas! To those who have reviewed us these past scenes and for those to come: we say a huge "Thank You". Without you guys, we wouldn't be able to write. ^__^ ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!

To my writing partner-in-crime & best friend, the humourous and creative Imaginator: Thanks for everything, buddy! Friends forever! May we continue to annoy the Sanzo-ikkou always!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Traitor: *gives YunCyn a Must-You-Be-This-Mushy look*

YunCyn: *shrug* ^__^ See you guys in the next scene!


	16. Hey, even sarus have to be afraid of som...

Imaginator: Actually, this was inspired by a …very unlikely situation, ne Yuncyn? (evil grin).

_ Muses_: (mutters) Unlikely is right…Of all the insane ideas….

Yuncyn: Urusei (whacks muses hard on the head repeatedly with Sanzo's harisen until…)

Sanzo: STOP TAKING MY HARISEN WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT! ***THWACK***(awards both Im and Yuncyn a hard twack before stomping off muttering about bakas of insane fanfiction writers)

Imaginator:Yeow… (Rubbing sore spot)

Yuncyn: Yeow indeed….Anyway, twould spoil the fun if we revealed that, ah…

Imaginator: situation now.

Yuncyn: Right. 

Muses: (squints) Hey…..

Imaginator: Yes?

_ Muse #1_: I didn't know we kept canaries….

_ Muse #2_: Rather cute yellow ones too….

Imaginator and Yuncyn:…(sweatdrops)

_ Muses_: (sighs wearily and go off in search of very,very strong Panadol)

(A/N: Panadol is a very STRONG aspirin. We should know.)

Disclaimer: It hurts so to write it....sob...WE DON'T OWN THEM!!!! WAAAA!!!!

(bunnies hold out hankerchief. Authors accept it gratefully until Im realized, instead of a hankie, she picked up a bunny.....)

** What Has This Got to Do with Phobias?**

Two youkai and a man stood outside a door.

Two youkai were trying their best to kick down or at least, destroy this ordinary looking door to no avail.

The man just stood to one side, taking very long drags of his cigarette and trying to maintain a calm, cool demeanor. 

It was using every inch of his willpower not to shoot the source (or sources) that had gotten them into their present situation.

Hakkai blasted another ki ball at the door in vain. Gojyo fruitlessly swung his shakujou against it. 

The door wasn't even dented.

"Damn!!! What is this door MADE of??? Metal???"

"Ahh,actually, if it were metal, it'd be down a long time ago."

"Hakkai."

"Nani?" *SWOOSH* ***BANG*** *completely useless attempt*

"Shaddup."

"…Hai."

Sanzo was slowly counting up to a hundred, taking deep breaths in between numbers. One (inhale), two (exhale)…

"GAH!!!" ***CLANG*** "BAH!!!" ***PING*** "PAH!!!" ***BUNGG*** "NAH!!!" ***BONGGG*** "DAH!!!" ***KLUNG*** "ZAH!!!" ***PLING***"

" 'Zah' ?"

"I ran outta options. Wanna pick on my nerves too?"

"Ahhahaha…" *SWOOSH* *loud explosion* 

Another useless attempt.

Siiigh. This can't be an ordinary door…Hakkai leant against it thoughtfully. Something must be making it invincible.

"Goku?" he called, "Are you alright in there?"

"Am I alright? AM I ALRIGHT???? NO, I'M **NOT **ALRIGHT!!! SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!"

Twenty-one (inhale), twenty-two (exhale)…

"Sigh, Nothing's working."

Dryly. "You think?"

"I do hope Goku's OK…"

"Who would have ever thought the saru was claustrophobic??"

"GET ME OUT!!!! *pound* GET ME OUT!!! *pound pound* GET ME- I am NOT a saru, ero kappa! GET ME OUT!!!!"

"Oh, climb out of a window or something."

"THERE **IS** NO WINDOW!!!!!"

"Goku, calm down, relax…"

"I COULD BE SUFFOCATING TO DEATH IN HERE AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS '**CALM DOWN'**????"

Well, look on the bright side, at least there's light."

"Yeah (sags) at least-" The lights went out. 

Fifty-four (exhale), fifty-five (inhale)…

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA **DIE IN HERE**!!!!!!!!!"

"Goku!! Stop going hysterical!" Loud pounding against the door from Goku's side, coupled with yells. "Try your Nyoibou on it!!!!"

"I DID!!!! IT DIDN'T WORK!!! I'M GONNA DIE IN HERE!!!!"

"Goku, no one has ever died in the toilet before."

"SAYS YOU!!!! I BET I CAN NAME A ** MILLION ** PEOPLE WHO DIED IN THE TOILET!!!!"

"…OK, give me a few."

"HOMURA!!!!!" (Homura's picture floats into view)

"Goku, Homura died in a new world, not a toilet."

(Homura's picture cracks into a million pieces and drops away)

"SHIEN!!!!" (Shien's picture floats into view)

"Goku, stop bringing back bad memories, k? I didn't want to do it! I didn't!-"

"Get on with it already."

"Goku, I killed him. And I didn't do it in the toilet. Come to think of it, I wasn't even NEAR the toilet…"

(Shien's picture cracks into a billion pieces and drops away)

"ZENON!!!!!" (Zenon's picture floats into view)

"It wasn't in the toilet, Goku."

(Zenon's picture cracks into a trillion pieces and drops away)

"KOUGAIJI!!!!" (Kou's picture floats into view)

"He…Goku. Kougaiji isn't dead yet."

(A very miffed Kou is swept away by the janitor)

"Though I bet Sanzo wish he were (snicker)."

"U…ru…sei…" Seventy-two (exhale), seventy-three (inhale)…

"I COULD **DIE** IN HERE WITHOUT EVER SEEING THE OUTSIDE AGAIN AND YOU CAN STILL **JOKE AROUND???**" Sobs began to be heard. "Sanzo, (sob) can you read me a sutra while I'm still alive?"

"**U**…**ru**..**sei**…" Eighty-five (inhale), eighty-six (exhale)…

"(sob) Even SANZO doesn't care about me anymore…(sob) DOES NOBODY CARE IF I DIE????"

"Maa maa, Goku. You aren't going to die for a long time yet…" Hakkai sent another hopeless ki ball into the door.

"I'll forever (sob) remember you guys in the Afterlife (sob) EXCEPT SANZO!!!! (sob)…."

"Make sure you do."

"GOJYO!!!!"

"WHAT??? Here I am, sweating like a pig just to free the saru while all he's doing is crying like some baby who lost his mommy."

"I'M GONNA DIE!!!!… I DO **NOT** CRY LIKE A BABY WHO LOST HIS MOMMY!!!!! DO I CRY LIKE A BABY, HAKKAI????"

"Err…ahaha…actually…a little…kinda…"

"WHAT THE!!!!! HAKKAI!!!"

"But it's true…sort of…."

"WELL, I NEVER!!! I AM INSULTED!!! I AM PISSED!!! I AM…"

"How did you do that, Gojyo? He stopped wailing almost instantly…"

"It comes naturally." Hakkai nodded in understanding.

Eighty-nine (exhale), ninety (inhale)…

"Hm…ahah!!! Gojyo!! Try whacking the hinges!!!!"

"Ah…hey!! That might actually work…"

"You see, maybe destroying the door was the wrong thing to do. After all, a door's connecting point is at the hinges and…"

"Hakkai?"

"Hai?"

"Can we just get on with it?"

"Ahaha…"

*SHIAK* ***CLINGGG*** * SHIUUK* ***PLANG*** *SHING* ** *CRACK***

"Shit!!! THE Shakujou BROKE!!!"

"WHAT????" More sobs. "I'M GONNA BE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!!!! I'LL STARVE TO DEATH!!!!…"

"Ninety-eight (exhale), ninety-nine (inhale)…

"Gojyo, I'm out of ideas!!! What are we gonna do???"

"Search me. Mister Worldly Monk hasn't done anything." Snort. "You sure he's fond of the saru?"

BLAM. A bullet hole too close to Gojyo's head for comfort.

"I'm not fond of anything." Sanzo aimed at something high, high way high up above. Hakkai and Gojyo's eyes trailed in its wake, but failed to see anything.

"Eh, Sanzo. What the hell are you aiming at??"

Silence. Sanzo's finger tightens on the gun trigger…

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Imaginator: AIYEE!!!!! (dodges bullets)

Yuncyn: MOMMEE!!! (jumps out of the way)

Both Hakkai and Gojyo caught on at the same time.

"Ah!!! Sanzo…"

"Was aiming at…"

"Those fic writers…"

"Bakas.. (Yuncyn: OI!! Who are you calling 'baka'??)"

"Sou ka…"

"WILL ONE OF YOU JUST GET ME OUTTA HERE????" sobs loudly. "You guys don't care about me anymore…"

Sanzo, gun still pointed dangerously at Imaginator, stated, "That bakasaru's whining is getting on my nerves. Unlock the door."

Imaginator: Biida!!! No!!

Yuncyn: Yeah!!!

Im: (stares at Yuncyn) NO!!!

Yuncyn: (confused) Yeah!!!

Imaginator: (stares) No!...Oh, forget it. We will NOT let Goku out!!!

Yuncyn…Yeah?

Imaginator: Oy vey… (palms forehead)

Gojyo: Sanzo, she looks just like you when you're mad! (snickers)

** *THROB THROB ***

BLAM. Imaginator and Yuncyn froze as a bullet went zooming three centimeters away from their scalps.

"The next one won't miss."

Sulkily, Imaginator unlocked the door. A tear-streaked, hair-messed Goku came tearing out.

"Goku!!!"

"Saru!!!"

"Ch'."

"HAKKAI!!! GOJYO!!! SANZO!!!!" Goku jumped on them, crying hysterically. "I missed you all!!!!! I was stuck in there for ages…"

"Goku, you were in there only about an hour or so…"

"It felt like a LIFETIME!!!"

…

** *THWACK***

"BAKASARU!!!! YOU DIRTIED MY ROBES AGAIN!!!!"

** *THWACK* *THWACK* *THWACK***

Imaginator: (wipes away imaginary tear) Ah, such affection…

Yuncyn: (places hand on heart) Such love for his 'saru'…

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Imaginator: Methinks we should run now…

Goku: OI!!!! I HAVEN'T KILLED YOU TWO FOR LOCKING ME IN THAT TOILET!!!! NYOIBOU!!!!

Yuncyn!!! GAH!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!

~*~*~*~*~

Imaginator: (groans in pain) (lying on the floor)

Yuncyn: (groans in pain) (lying on the floor)

Imaginator: (groans some more)

Yuncyn (groans louder, not wanting to be outdone by Imaginator)

Muses: (put hands on hips) OK, what did the Traumatic Two do now?

Imaginator: (stops groaning temporarily) Fanfiction writers are very dangerous jobs to be in…groan…

Yuncyn: I second that. Double groan.

Imaginator: GROAN…

Yuncyn: **GROAN…**

Imaginator:**GROA**…oh, what the heck. (groans quietly, shooting Yuncyn disgruntled look)

Muses: What did you…

Imaginator: All we did was write something for those Saiyuki guys…

Yuncyn: And do we get thanks? Nooo…

Imaginator: Instead, we get shot at, glared at, threatened…

Yuncyn: Don't forget chased at least 30 miles…For something we didn't even DO!!!

Imaginator: That's it! I'm retiring!…As soon as I can get up…

Yuncyn: Yeah!! (both roll on the floor, looking very much like dead fish flopping on a dry deck, if dead fish flopped)

Muses: Really??? (hope against hope, fingers crossed behind back)

Yuncyn: Wait! This _brilliant _idea just struck me!…(whispers in Imaginator's ears)

Imaginator: Hey, that _IS_ a good idea. Come on, Yunnie, Let's get typing! (springs up like a jack hare(if there's such an animal))

Yuncyn: Wait for me! And stop calling me Yunnie!!! (springs up like a Jack-in-the-box and runs after Imaginator)

Muses: (look at each other, groan and go off to find aspirin for themselves)

(Plot bunnies tilt heads before hopping to join their zany keepers to spin up yet another Saiyuki deprecating fic).


	17. Genjo Sanzo Hoshi SamaDEAD?

Imaginator: *reads newspaper* (For the public's info, it was a review about the new Gensomaden DVD, which Im has yet to buy, being poor and all...)

Yuncyn: *reading newspaper* (ANOTHER review about the new Gensomaden DVD, which Yuncyn has yet to buy, being poor and all...)

_Muses_: ( proofreading the new chapter of 'Random Scenes', having occasionally to correct several words not familiar with the English language)

_All goes well...until...._

_Muses_: ...stand...West....***CRASH* DEAD????**

Yuncyn: *peers over newspaper* They've reached it, Im ol' pal.

Imaginator: *turns newspaper page* Yep.

_Muses_: (splutters) What!....How!...When???

Imaginator: (claps hand over Muse#2's mouth) SHHHH!!!!

Yuncyn: (claps her hand over Muse#1 mouth) Don't blow the whole plot so fast!!!!

_Muses_: MMMho...mmup...mhis...

Yuncyn: Pardon?

_Muses_: (after pulling various hands of various mouths) WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS???

Yuncyn & Imaginator: *points*

_Muses_: *looks in the direction of fingers and groan* We should have known...

_Bunnies_: *twitch ears innocently and cock heads*

Disclaimer: We DO own Saiyuki!!!! Just...not the original ones...(holds up pirated copies)

Hey, its the closest we've got to owning them....sob...

Another of Sanzo's hates.

The Sanzo –ikkou were apparently driving up a steep mountain in what could be relatively called 'peace'.

That is, with the usual squabble or two, mainly about the depth of Goku's stomach.

Today's hot debate topic, however, revolved on why the colour brown was better than blue.

"It's so OBVIOUS blue is three million times better than red!!!! I mean, it gives out that cool, I'm-so-hot vibe, you know?"

"No, it does not!! Brown's so much nicer compared to blue! Blue looks like it's been trampled over by stupid youkais!!!"

"WHAT???? You must be colour blind, bakasaru, or else you wouldn't be so clueless on how blue can keep you cool. Hey, that was pretty _cool_, you know what I mean??" Gojyo started cracking up at his own joke.

"Stop calling me bakasaru, ero kappa!!! Hakkai, you agree with me that brown's better, right?"

"Ahhhaha…actually, I'm rather fond of green myself."

And our resident monk would take yellow. Matches that hair of his pretty well, don'tcha think?"

** *THWACK***

But this day was a little more complicated than which colour is the best among the rest. The beginning was just to start you off, to understand what will happen later.

Fast forward a little bit….

"Sanzo!! Gojyo is…"

** *THWACK***

…

"BAKASARU!!!!! Why I oughta-"

** *THWACK***

…

"Harahetta… (groan)"

** *THWACK***

In other words, Sanzo's harisen was in active mode that day. But that's not where the story starts. either.

Wait a minute and lets fast forward a little bit more….

Eromtibelttiladrawoftsafstel…

Oops, hehe, wrong button.

…..***THWACK***…."Sanzokappahungrymean"….***THWACK***…"YoubottenmlessbluehowI…"…***THWACK***…"Ican'tbelievethemstupidstomach…." ***THWACK***…

Ah, and here we are.

"Why is it that you always hit on women without any reason???"

"Sure there's reason!!! I mean, don't you wanna get hit on by (drool) sexy ladies with slits up their thighs???"

"I'd rather be seduced by a meatbun."

"That's not the point, bakasaru!!!!"

As you can all see, the topic of the day had evolved from colours to the weather to why the sky was blue to Goku's bottomless stomach to good inns back to Goku's bottomless stomach and now, why Gojyo hits on sexy women.

For the fiftieth time that day, Sanzo's forehead was throbbing so hard he was beginning to get a headache.

"Ero kap-"

** *THWACK* *THWACK* *THWACK* *THWACK* **

"Urusei bakane korosuzo!!!" Sanzo turned back, only to realize he felt eyes boring into the back of his head. Turning, he saw both Goku and Gojyo staring at him with a wide-eyed, blank expression.

" What????"  
  


"Always hit us, always…" Gojyo said in a monotone, staring at Sanzo blankly.

"It hurts so badly…" Goku mumbled in that same tone, beginning to advance on Sanzo, his arms reaching for Sanzo's neck.

Sanzo pushed himself away from them. "Bakane!!!! Get a grip!!!" He swiveled…

Only to see Hakkai staring at him with that same devoid, expressionless face. 

Sanzo practically jumped out of Jeep, to no avail. The other three leaped out with him, and stood shoulder-to-shoulder, all gazing at him with a hungry, scary look in their eyes.

"What's the matter with you idiots???" Sanzo yelled as he pulled out the Smith-and-Wessons and aimed it at Hakkai.

"What's the matter? There is no matter, Genjo Sanzo hoshi-sama. Only us."

Sanzo was beginning to freak out. Never had his three companions addressed him as 'hoshi-sama' unless they were kidding.

And the looks on their faces proved that it couldn't be a joke.

It couldn't be the Minus wave, it just couldn't be….

Gojyo lunged at Sanzo, snarling. "Monk make live forever……" 

Sanzo turned the gun on Gojyo, but as her did that, a powerful ki ball narrowly missed him, grazing his shoulder. Sanzo turned speechless eyes on Hakkai, whom he thought he could trust.

He pulled the gun up, touched the trigger…

And hesitated. These were the three companions that were sent with him to the West. He couldn't betray the Gods trust.

He couldn't betray their trust. Not after what they'd been through together.

He hesitated too long. The Nyoibou extended, plunged into Sanzo's body and caused him to gasp and fall to the ground.

This was it. This was the end then.

He'd never see the West.

Three dark figures stood over him, sneering. "The pathetic monk has finally been disposed of…"

"CUT! CUT! CUT!!!!!" the director screamed as he ran onto the set. "Goku, you're supposed to plunge the stick into Sanzo's heart NOT LIVER!!!! And Gojyo, try to say that last line as if you really mean it, NOT like you're trying to pick up a girl at the bar!!! People, where are your EXPRESSIONS????"  
  


"You told us to look expressionless!!!"  


"Yeah!!! And who cares wether it's the heart or liver, he'd 'die' anyway!!!!"

"Yare yare desu ne, our fiftieth take…."

Sanzo propped himself up with his hands, pulled the 'Nyoibou' out of his body and growled. In the background, the narrator was drinking down a whole liter of water at one go, throat already hoarse from the numerous times they had repeated the filming. After all, this WAS the fiftieth take. Sanzo glared around and started swatting the ground with his harisen.

He hated, hated, ABSOLUTELY DETESTED acting.

*~*~*~*~*~

Yuncyn: (grinning) scared all of you for a while there, didn't we?

Imaginator: (grinning) Hehehe...almost though the great SANZO-HOSHI SAMA died, eh?

Readers: ***THROB THROB***DIE, EVIL AUTHORS, DIE!!!!

Yuncyn & Imaginator: Uh Oh....Please review!!! **YARGHHH!!!!**........(take off running from very angry mob)


	18. An even harder challenge than Gyumao!

**Labour**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_Muse #1_: Well! For once they made it a ONE WORD title!!

_Muse #2_: Will miracles never cease?

_YunCyn_: *vein throb* What is THAT supposed to mean?

_Muse #2_: Nothing... just that most of your titles are usually long winded and definitely more than one word...

_Imaginator_: ...Yunnie?

_YunCyn_: I told you to stop calling me that! What?

_Imaginator_: *smacks fist* Time for a little Muse Discipline.

_YunCyn_: *smirks* Oh, yeeeeah...

_Muses_: Waitaminute!! How come the BUNNIES don't ever get punished?!!

_Imaginator_: *casually glances at bunnies* Because they're cute.

_Muses_: And we AREN'T?!

_YunCyn_: ... they have a point.

_Imaginator_: True... but do you care?

_YunCyn_: ...Nope! Let's go!

_Muses_: **TASUKETE!!!**

**Disclaimer**: You people are relentless, aren't you? FINE!! Fine, they don't belong to us!! Are you happy now?! Are you satisfied now that our daydreams and wishes have been crushed under the cruel stone of reality?!

_Muses_: ... 

Uh... *coughcough* Enjoy the scene.

~*~*~*~

A groan resounded, half muffled by the roar and rumble of four tires crunching along a dirt road. It was one of those groans that represented utter exhaustion and a wish for a couple of weeks' worth of sleep. As well as a longing for pork buns, chicken fillets, beef noodles, steamed vegetables… 

Well, maybe not steamed vegetables. 

Hakkai chuckled as he concentrated on the road ahead of him. "Someone certainly sounds tired." 

Goku released another groan of the same kind. "Haaaakkaaaaaaii…. we've been traveling for DAYS without a single soft mattress to sleep on… and we haven't had any decent food in a whole **WEEK**!! When's the next village…?!!" 

Gojyo rolled his eyes in the manly way he was accustomed to doing. "You've been repeating that same dumb question for the past _week _as well. Its getting really tiresome, you pipsqueak of a monkey." 

"I am NOT a PIPSQUEAK!" 

"Oh, that means you're a monkey then?" 

"Neither am I a monkey, you dumb womanizing cockroach!!!" 

"HEY, the womanizing part I can handle but I in no way resemble a cockroach!!" 

"Oh yeeeah?!" Goku reached up and flicked one of the two strands of crimson hair that stuck out like a sore thumb. "Then whaddhaya call THESE, huh?!!" 

Gojyo slapped his hands away. "Get your filthy hands offa my hair, dumb monkey!!" 

Hakkai sweat dropped. "Children, this is not the time to be arguing…" 

"I am NOT a monkey, dirty, women harassing, chain smoking, water monster!!!" 

"The MONK smokes like a chimney and I don't see YOU insulting him, monkey boy with a pit for a stomach!!" 

"I have a NORMAL stomach!! It's YOU with the abnormal BRAIN!! It's so small it could fit into my nose!!" 

"And then where're you gonna put YOUR brain!? Under your fingernail since it's so damn small!?!!" 

**CLICK. **

"_Or maybe I'll just save us all the trouble and put both your tiny brains who can't seem to remember to be _**QUIET**_, out of commission._**"** The monk's voice came out low, steady and completely threatening. 

Goku and Gojyo stared down at the blackness of the infamous S&W pistol aimed directly at them. Their eyes traveled from the pistol and cringed at the glare (for lack of a better word) Sanzo the previously sleeping monk was giving them. 

"Uh….I'd like to keep my brain, if you don't mind, Sanzo-sama…" 

Gojyo let out a little "eep" as the gun mouth was pressed directly to his forehead. 

"Any more smart mouthed Sanzo-sama shit?" 

"I…iya…" 

Goku sniggered. 

And then clammed up as the cold metal of the pistol touched _his _forehead. 

"Shut. Up." 

"Hai…" 

Giving them a few more seconds of the you're-extremely-screwed glare, Sanzo finally removed the gun and replaced it back in his sleeves. Hakkai chuckled. 

"You do have a way with words, Sanzo." 

Sanzo let out a breath. "Comes with three years of putting up with idiot one and idiot two." 

"Hey!" began Gojyo but the sight of the silver gun that was swiftly brought out made the redhead decide to fume in silence. The gun was replaced again into the robes. 

It was a few peaceful minutes before Goku bounced up to the space between the front seats. "Who's one and who's two?" 

Hakkai's merry laugh was followed by a loud painful sounding thwack from a very hard wooden and paper fan. 

~*~*~ 

The jeep rumbled on without complaint for several more miles along the endless dirt road that seemed surrounded by forests and forests of trees. 

The quietness could never last. 

**SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!! **

**THUD!! **

"GAAAH!! Hakkai, you bloody idiot!! Can't you ever stop without making us fall to the jeep floor!?!" 

"Itei…" 

"Ahaha… gomenasai…" 

Silence sans the sound of two idiots groaning in the back continued for a few minutes. 

Sanzo looked at Hakkai. "What're you waiting for?" 

"A-re?" Hakkai blinked then smiled. "Ah, so you didn't fall off after all!! Yokatta ne… I was waiting for the second thud." 

Sanzo developed a twitch under his right eye as a vein popped out on his neck. "_Hak-kai_…there better be a good reason for screeching to a halt…" 

"Weell… is a woman we nearly knocked over a good reason?" 

In a flash, Gojyo popped his head up. "A WOMAN?! A genuine, true blue, real woman?!" 

Sanzo resisted thwacking the woman-crazed red head on the head as he craned his neck to see if Hakkai's reason was good enough. 

True to Hakkai and Gojyo's words, there WAS a genuine, true blue, real woman who was on her knees on the ground, staring at them. 

Wide-eyed, the poor woman was trembling all over, very frightened… 

Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo stared in amazement. 

And **VERY** pregnant. 

A stunned, pregnant (pun intended) silence filled the air. 

Then Goku popped his head up, caught sight of the woman and let out a small whistle, cutting through the silence like a shakujou through youkai. 

"How much do you _EAT_ every day, neesan?!" 

**::BONK!!:: **

Gojyo glared at him as he removed his fist. "She's pregnant, you idiot!" 

"Itei… pregnant? Does that mean she has food? Is 'pregnant' tasty?" 

**::THWACK!::**

"ITEI!! What did you do THAT for, Sanzo?!!!" 

Sanzo didn't care to reply as Gojyo summarized the meaning of "pregnancy" to his friend. The monk turned back to stare wide-eyed at the lady who slowly tottered to her feet unsteadily, one hand supporting her lower back. This was the first time he'd seen a woman so advanced in her pregnancy out in the open. Even with his limited experience around women (pregnant or no), he knew that women at her size should have been quarantined to a bed. What on earth was she doing out here? Nonetheless, Sanzo kept his guard up. This could be another ruse or ambush. 

_But… I don't feel anything threatening. Just… fear. And a protective feeling. Probably for the baby. _

Sanzo sat back down, turned aside and debated on what to do in his head. Regardless of her condition, the woman obviously could take care of herself. Otherwise, why else would she be out here all on her own? And to be practical, a pregnant woman would obviously slow them down. 

He turned to Hakkai, about to tell him to leave the woman be and drive on. He opened his mouth. 

But no words came as he saw Hakkai gently helping the woman into the backseat with Gojyo and Goku scooting to make room. 

Sanzo stared at Hakkai as the green eyed man got back into the driver's seat. As he shut the door, Hakkai caught Sanzo's expression. 

Innocently, "You weren't about to just _leave _her there, were you?"

For once, the great Genjo Sanzo-houshi-sama, founder of the term 'scathing' and 'sarcastic', capable of rendering the most holiest of monks to an indignant shivering pile with just a couple of insults...

Was at a loss.

Gaping for another second, he shut his mouth, turned his focus to the road ahead and growled for Hakkai to stop snickering and just drive. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

As it turned out, the woman, Machiko, had been on her way to her home village. She and her husband lived on a small farm quite a long way from the village. Machiko was traveling alone as her husband had died of an illness just three months ago. With no one to help on the farm and with her being pregnant, Machiko decided to return to her village where her brothers and sisters lived. Unfortunately, her only mode of transport, a cart, had been stolen in the night. It was fortunate the robbers hadn't harmed her. The only thing that had convinced Machiko to get in the jeep was the sight of Sanzo-sama, a monk, sitting in the front seat. 

"So, how far are you in your pregnancy, Machiko-san?" 

Machiko seemed rather embarrassed and hesitated before answering. "Approximately nine months…" 

Gojyo choked on some beer as Sanzo drew in a sharp breath of smoke. Hakkai chuckled, a rather nervous tremor to it. Goku blinked in confusion. 

"N, nine months, you say?" asked Gojyo in a rather squeaky tone. 

"Hai…" 

"Yare, yare desu ne…" mumbled Hakkai as he continued driving. Sanzo's face had taken on an unreadable expression. It was either fear, annoyance or apprehension. Heck, it could have been all three. 

Goku frowned. "Hey, so she's nine months pregnant! So what?!" 

"That means, Goku," explained Hakkai patiently. "That Machiko-san will be due any day now." 

"That's right…" said Machiko softly. "And I'm very sorry for inconveniencing you all…" 

Hakkai quickly pacified her. "It's alright, Machiko-san. It's really no trouble at all." 

Sanzo silently refuted that obvious lie with an unseen roll of the eyes. 

"…I still don't get it." 

Gojyo whacked him on the head with the beer can. "That means, you numbskull, she's gonna give birth at any moment!!" 

Goku, as he rubbed his head, grew wide-eyed and stared at Machiko. He leaned forward. 

And poked her experimentally in the stomach. 

"…" 

**::THWACK! THWACK!!:: **

"BAKASARU!! DON'T DO THAT!!!" 

"Itei..!!! What?!! I was just trying to see how a whole BABY could fit in there!!" 

Machiko smiled and sweat dropped. 

~*~*~*~ 

The fact that Machiko could be bringing a child into the world at any moment of any day made the Sanzo-ikkou travel a week's journey in mere days. 

The first day was peaceful and trouble free. (You thought there'd be trouble!? Shame, SHAME on you for wanting them to get into trouble so quickly…) 

"Uh, Hakkai-san?" 

"Yes?" 

"I've got a craving for ice-cream…" 

"…" 

The second day was the same, everything was fine and at ease. 

"Hakkai-san?" 

"Yes, Machiko-san?" 

"I need to use the toilet…" 

"…" 

It was on the **third**day that… _things _started to happen. 

(Two authors start snickering. Muses stare in disbelief then turn on the Plot Bunnies. 

_Muse #1_: How COULD you do this?! To a BABY!! 

_Muse #2_: To an innocent CHILD! You, you TRAITORS! You, you, you MISFITS!! You, you… 

_Muse #1_: Fluffs? 

_Muse #2_: *sweat drop* 

_Plot Bunnies_: *Blink innocently* 

Authors kick plot bunnies and muses out of the picture) 

Hakkai squinted in the distance and shook his head. "Oh dear…" he murmured. 

Sanzo eyed Hakkai. "What do you mean 'oh dear'?" 

The driver sweat dropped. "It seems, gentlemen, we have some guests up ahead." 

_Oh, WONDERFUL. Add a bunch of low classed idiots to a pregnant woman, sure… _thought Sanzo sarcastically. 

Gojyo and Goku were, as always, raring to go. 

"Alright!! A fight!! Man, it's been what? Eight days since our last one?" 

Goku grinned. "I can't wait!" 

Machiko who had been on the verge of dozing off, jerked awake. Seeing the over-enthusiastic, practically _glowing_ looks on Gojyo and Goku's faces, she tentatively spoke up. "…um… what, what's going on?" 

"Unwanted company, Machiko-san. Goku, please keep her from jolting out of the jeep…" requested Hakkai, getting ready to stop the jeep in his normal, run-of-the-mill, crazy fashion. 

"Hai! Machiko-neechan, hold on tight!!!" Before she had any time to respond, Goku pulled her, as gently as he could, to the jeep floor. Covering her with his body to keep her steady, the jeep swerved and spun in a full 360 degrees before screeching to a halt. 

As usual, the opponents spoke before fighting. 

"GENJO SANZO!! YOU'RE-" 

Sanzo, with an impatient air, interrupted his speech. "Skip the formalities. Let's get on with business." _Since we've a pregnant woman with us and you brainless morons wouldn't give a damn. _Added the monk silently as he got out of the jeep. He may not have wanted to bring the woman along but he be **_damned _**if these idiots killed Machiko and her child without having to go through them first. 

Not to mention, the saru would make endless noise about it if these buffoons DID murder the woman. 

"Why you!! **ATTACK**!!!" 

Springing into action, the Sanzo-ikkou did what they did best.

Counter-attack the youkai. 

In the midst of the blood-curdling screams, the booms of ki balls, gunshots and energized yells from the Sanzo-ikkou, Goku managed to get Machiko out of Hakuryu. 

"Hang on tight, Machiko-neechan! Don't worry!" reassured Goku as he battled and stabbed youkais intent on giving him a pre-mature death. 

"Don't worry?!" squeaked Machiko as she clung to Goku for dear life, trying not to get herself killed. 

"Yeah, don't worry! We'll get you to a safe spot- *STAB* Just *WHACK!* trust us!" Saying so, he whacked one last youkai, ran a few meters then passed Machiko to Gojyo who winked at her. 

"I believe *SLICE* it's time for you *SLASH* to get some rest, eh?" 

Machiko just **stared**. 

In one smooth motion, Gojyo sliced through some more youkai, dumped Machiko into some bushes and ran off to join in the fray again. 

Eyes wide, Machiko sat up in the bushes to watch. In pure awe, she gaped as Sanzo turned several youkai surrounding him into dust. Her eyes widened some more as she saw Hakkai blast some youkai with pure inner energy (known fondly to us as ki balls). She held her breath and winced a little as she saw Gojyo slice through even more youkai. Goku amazed her with his agility and strength as he battled on coming youkai with a grin on his face. 

In fact, ALL of them seemed pretty cheerful as they yelled comments to one another, thought Machiko in wonderment. 

  
"I think we're doing pretty well considering we haven't practiced for quite a while!" called out Hakkai. 

Gojyo let out a derisive snort. "HAH! These losers are as easy as peas! Doesn't count!!" 

Goku let out a yell and brought his Nyoibou onto another hapless youkai. "For once, the ero kappa's right!!" 

"Whaddhaya mean 'for once', bakasaru!?" 

"SHUT UP AND FIGHT, YOU IDIOTS!! YOU'RE WASTING TIME!!" 

Hakkai happily obliged. "Hai, hai, Sanzo…" 

Gojyo slashed through two youkai then grinned. "Aw, getting tired and weak already, Sanzo-sama?" 

**BLAM! **

"GAAH!! It was an innocent comment, you asshole! You don't have to KILL ME over it!!!" 

The sound of a youkai hitting the ground resounded behind Gojyo. 

"You were saying?" said Sanzo dryly. 

Gojyo growled. "I'M NOT THANKING YOU FOR IT!!" 

Sanzo snorted and shot a couple more enemies in the head. When his gun was out of bullets, he battled the on-coming youkai with his fists and legs, pushing them towards Hakkai who easily subdued them. 

"Sanzo, this really isn't fair…" 

"You're telling me it's unfair when you're blasting eleven youkais in one go." 

Hakkai chuckled. "How true…" 

Sanzo struggled to reload the gun when Machiko yelled out a warning. 

"Sanzo-sama…!! **BEHIND YOU**!" 

Reacting quickly, Sanzo spun, threw out a leg, kicked a youkai right in the face and resumed trying to reload his bullets. 

"Sanzo, aren't you even gonna THANK the lady?" called out Gojyo with an amused grin. 

"Cockroach, you're going to **DIE** after this is over…" 

As Sanzo finally reloaded his gun, he shot several more youkai in the head when Machiko called out again. 

"Sanzo-sama…!!" 

Sanzo ignored her as he continued fighting to stay alive and not get eaten under the foolish presumption that eating him would bring about immortality. He rather suspected Hakkai's comment about him giving them indigestion for a few months was true. 

"**Sanzo-sama**!!" 

Still, the monk was too busy to respond as he continued shooting more youkai into oblivion and beyond. 

"**SANZO-SAMA!!!**" 

Ok, now she sounded panicked enough to gain his attention. 

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT, WOMAN?!" 

"I… My waters just broke…" 

Sanzo vaguely heard Gojyo face fault and Goku asking Hakkai what did she mean by her "waters just broke" as he stared unflinchingly and disbelievingly at her. He knew enough to know that waters breaking at this time was **Not Good**. The monk absent-mindedly shot a youkai on his right and continued to stare at Machiko, speechless and wide eyed. 

A tug on his sleeve made him turn to meet Goku's frantic expression. It was pretty clear Hakkai had explained just what usually came after the breaking of the waters. 

"Sanzo…!!" Goku's voice had gone up a notch higher. "You **DO** know how to deliver babies, right?! **RIGHT**?!!" 

**_GLARE. _**

****

"… **HAKKAI**!!" The saru bounced over the heads of several youkai who had paused to wonder who this woman was, why they hadn't noticed her, and was Sanzo the father? 

"Hakkai, you've multi-purpose talents, right!?!? **YOU** know how to help her, RIGHT?!!" 

Hakkai gulped, gave a nervous chuckle and sweat dropped. "Un, unfortunately, I'm, I'm not particularly an expert in childbirth…"

Goku stared at him.

"That means I'm not exactly sure on what to do, Goku…" 

Time for the last resort. "**GOJ**-" 

"I MAKE EM', I DON'T DELIVER THEM!!!" The kappa's voice seemed to have gone into soprano. 

(In case you were wondering, the youkais weren't attacking because of two things. 

Their youkai brains were trying to figure out why there was an unexpected guest (female, no less) with the Sanzo-ikkou. 

And the more perverted, pragmatic ones were trying to figure out who may have been the father out of the four men.) 

Goku emitted a squeak as he stared helplessly at Machiko who stared helplessly back at them. 

Youkais, he could handle, easy peasy. 

Kougaiji, he could handle, no sweat. 

Homura, he could handle, no problem. 

Pregnant women. 

[_System failure. Please re-boot._] 

His saru brain had been trying to and successfully understand exactly how the babies came about.

What he COULDN'T understand was what to DO when the baby came. 

So, the saru brain came up with a saru style solution. 

"Neechan?!" (His voice was still an octave or two higher than his normal range) 

"Y, yes, Goku-san?" 

"D, do you think you could tell the little guy not to come out first…?" 

Machiko was too stunned to note the insanity (Machiko was too nice to use the term 'stupidity') of that request. "I, I'll try…" 

Nodding in temporary satisfaction, Goku turned his back on Machiko and glared as fiercely as he could at the remaining youkai. 

"ALRIGHT, YOU SCUM!! LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH AND **NOW**!!" 

That broke everyone out of the 'Your-WHAT-just-broke!?' shock and back into the original scuffle. 

As he battled the youkai quicker than before, Sanzo swore he could hear Machiko murmuring to her stomach to please stay inside there and not come out till they reached the village. 

"DIE!! DIE, ALL OF YOU, DIE!!! **DIIIIIE!!!**" 

"Goku, yelling at them won't hasten their death…" 

"Machiko-neechan needs someone to help her!! And there's no one else around!!!" 

"I know but-" Hakkai sent some more youkai flying. "There seems to be no END to them!" 

"You mean we're STUCK HERE?!" said Goku in horror. "That means Machiko-neechan's gonna give birth WHILE we're fighting!!" 

"**THE HELL SHE IS**!" responded Gojyo as he sliced and slashed harder and faster than before. "I'm not gonna let some baby be born in front of THESE sort of creatures!!" 

The youkais who had been trying to figure out which of the Sanzo-ikkou was the baby's father (gag ALL you want) turned and grinned maliciously. So, the woman was important to the Sanzo-ikkou…

"**GET THE WOMAN**!!!" 

Before any of the Sanzo-ikkou could respond, five youkais of several colour and shape charged towards Machiko. 

Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai spun around in horror. "**MACHIKO!!!**" 

Goku's eyes widened as he ran alongside the rest to help her. "**MACHIKO-NEECHAN!! NOOO!!**" 

**::THWOCK! THWACK! THIACK! THWOCK! SMACK!!:: **

The Sanzo-ikkou screeched to a halt and stared once again in amazement. 

Machiko stood akimbo amongst five fallen unconscious youkai bodies. In one fist was tightly clutched several rocks. By her feet were a foot high pile of sharp rocks and other dangerous, pointy looking objects. She glared at the rest of the youkai and lifted one threatening finger. 

"_I'm about to have a **baby**. I've been carrying this child for **NINE EXCRUCIATING MONTHS**. I've vomited until I feel like an old rag, my ankles have **SWOLLEN**, my back **ACHES**, I haven't had any decent sleep in **weeks** and I feel like a BLOATED WHALE AND A HIPPO PUT TOGETHER. And now, you INTERRUPT the ONE event I've been patiently WAITING FOR, FOR **NINE MONTHS**. So help me, if I DON'T GET THIS CHILD OUT OF ME WITHOUT _**YOU MORONS** _GIVING ME MORE TROUBLE, I'll make sure YOU PAY **DEARLY**!!! Now who wants a piece of me?!_" 

… 

"Obviously no one…" commented Gojyo as he, Goku, Sanzo, and Hakkai watched more than thirty youkai turn tail and run for dear life. 

"Wow! If we'd known pregnant women had this kind of power, we should've taken one with us!" said Goku enthusiastically. 

**::THWACK!!:: **

"Quickly, minasan, we need to get-" Hakkai was duly interrupted by a groan. "Machiko-san!" 

Machiko, having exhausted herself yelling at the youkai, slumped to the ground. Gojyo took off his coat and quickly made a pillow for her as she lay on the ground and emitted some more groans. 

Goku resumed being frantic. "What?! What's going on!? What?!" 

"Machiko-san, what's wrong?" 

The lady took a deep breath. "My stomach… it's like… it's being _squeezed._" She bit her lip then relaxed. 

Hakkai took in a sharp breath of air. Sanzo knelt beside him and asked in a low tone, "What is it?" 

"She may be going into labour now." 

"What?!" exclaimed Gojyo. "She…now?! HERE?!" 

"Now and here. We'll just have to be here and keep her calm. Machiko-san, just relax and calm down. Don't panic…" 

"I'll try…" 

Hakkai smiled. "If you can yell at youkai, you can do this. Excuse me…" As he lifted Machiko's maternity dress over her knees, he spoke quickly to Sanzo. 

"She's having contractions. We'll need to wait till her cervix dilates till 10 centimeters before she can actually push the baby out." 

"In the mean time…?" 

"We help keep her calm." 

Sanzo nodded. "How long will we have to wait?" 

Hakkai smiled uncertainly. "Uh, that depends… it could be in a half hour to 24 hours…it's really uncertain…" 

Sanzo gritted his teeth. Goku sat beside Machiko and gripped her hand. "When the pain comes, you can squeeze my hand, Machiko-neechan." 

Gojyo shifted Machiko's head gently onto his jacket covered lap and took her other hand. "We'll do the best we can, Machiko. Don't you worry." The lady smiled gratefully. 

"Waaaaait a minute. Hakkai, I thought you didn't know what to do when a woman gave birth!?" 

"Uh, well… I said I wasn't an expert but I'm not completely clueless…" 

The rest sweat dropped as they sat themselves down to wait. 

~*~*~*~ 

"Hakkai-san… the pain's getting… ow… stronger… ow…!" 

"That means you're getting closer, Machiko-san. Don't worry, you'll be fine…maybe if you shifted a little…?" 

"Yes… yes, it's less…ow…" Machiko's face turned into one of pain as she let out a groan. 

"Just take deep breaths, Machiko-san… hang in there…" 

Gojyo winced as Machiko gripped his hand. "For a lady, she's got a strong grip…" His face contorted. "… I think my fingers have been crushed…ow…" 

"It's probably very minor compared to what Machiko-san is going through, Gojyo…" 

Goku dabbed at Machiko's sweat drenched forehead with Hakkai's shoulder cloth and with great concern. "Is she gonna be okay, Hakkai? She really looks like she's in a lot of pain…" 

"That's why it's called labour, Goku. Don't worry, she'll be ok… I'll make sure of it…" 

Sanzo who was sitting near Hakkai glanced at Machiko. Hakkai noticed the flicker of concern in his eyes and spoke just loud enough for Sanzo to hear. "Sanzo, we need some cloth to receive the baby when it comes…" 

Sanzo looked at Hakkai through the corner of his eyes, disbelief projecting from his amethyst eyes.

Hakkai smiled back innocently. "You're the only one with enough cloth and besides, you've got more than one extra robe in Jippu's trunk…" 

Cursing Hakkai rather audibly, Sanzo got to his feet and removed the sutra. He took out his things from his sleeves, shed his outer robe and gave the robe to Hakkai. Now only wearing his black undershirt, jeans and arm guards, he sat back down.

Hakkai smiled. "Arigato, Sanzo."

Goku and Gojyo stared in utter disbelief. "San-"

He shot them a 'Say-anything-and-you-won't-live-to-see-this-kid-being-born' glare.

They shut up.

With the exception of a snicker from Gojyo to which Sanzo whacked him on the head with the harisen. 

~*~*~*~ 

"More porridge, Machiko-neechan?" 

"No thank you, Goku-san…" 

Sweat drop. "I can't believe you're cooking when this lady is about to give birth, Hakkai…" 

Smile. "Well, she still needs to keep her strength up, Gojyo. And still the baby hasn't come so…" 

"I get the point." 

Sanzo glared from his position in front of Machiko's upraised knees. "Quit chatting, Hakkai and get back here. **NOW**." 

Gojyo sniggered. "Sanzo-sama, are you actually _embarrassed _at your point of view?" 

**BLAM! **

"AARGH!! You psycho!! You could've hit Machiko!!" 

"I never miss." Said Sanzo dryly as he watched half a red antenna float down from the kappa's head. Gojyo grumbled and then winced as Machiko squeezed his hand when another contraction came. 

~*~*~*~ 

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!**" 

"That's right, Machiko-san, let it out… now breathe… inhale… exhale..." Beads of sweat tumbled down the sides of Hakkai's face as he concentrated. 

Sanzo's eyebrows met. "What now, Hakkai?" 

"GAK!! My hand's getting crushed!!" 

"Urusei, Gojyo! She's giving birth!!" reprimanded Goku. 

"**IYAAA!!**" Machiko's sobs rang out. "It hurts…!!" 

"Machiko-san, listen to me. You need to push. It's time." 

Goku cheered her on as best as he could. "Come on, Machiko-neechan, you can do it!" Gojyo gripped her hand tighter. 

And with a determined nod of her head, Machiko began pushing her newborn child into the world. 

~*~*~*~ 

Some minutes later... 

"It's coming! It's coming, the head's coming!! You're doing well, Machiko-san!" 

"What?!" Goyjo gave Machiko's hand to Goku and went over to look.

"Gee… I've never seen a woman THIS way before…" 

Sanzo dryly replied as he helped Hakkai arrange his robe to receive the baby. "That's because you're never around long enough TO see." 

"I **resent **that remark-" 

"I wanna look! I wanna see!" Goku called out from Machiko's side.

"You're too young, Goku." 

"But, Hakkai-!" 

"You gotta give Machiko moral support, Goku!" 

"Kono ero kappa!! YOU ran there!!" 

"**No **looking, Goku." Came Sanzo's voice.

Grumble. "I NEVER have any fun…!" 

~*~*~*~

**"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" **

~*~*~*~ 

12 exhausting hours from the time the youkais attacked… 

Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo lay on their backs, more tired and numb than after a thousand battles against Kougaiji and Homura put together. 

They had delivered… 

**A baby. **

Goku, the only one who hadn't witnessed an entire baby exit from a woman's body but had helped clean the baby off, stood over them.

"_Mataku_, why do only you guys have all the fun…" 

Hakkai, Gojyo and Sanzo exchanged incredulous looks. 

"Please, Sanzo. **SHOOT** him." 

Sanzo ignored Gojyo as he just thumped his head back on the ground, wishing fervently for sake and cigarettes. Hakkai who had performed the job of midwife most beautifully, turned his head slightly to see Machiko's back to his view. He could see the tip of what had once been Sanzo's sleeve, now baby wrapper, jutting from Machiko's elbow. 

Goku was about to bound over to see what was going on when Hakkai stopped him. 

"I'll explain later." Was all Hakkai said when Goku queried as to why he wasn't allowed to go see the little tyke whom they had just helped bring into the world. 

Gojyo sniggered as he mumbled something about "suckling". 

And hidden from view was a mother's teary smile as she watched her newborn child. 

~*~*~*~ 

A day later found the Sanzo-ikkou, Machiko and her new child safely in the village. 

Machiko cradled the little baby lovingly in her arms and then looked up, her eyes telling them more than she could say. 

"Hakkai-san, Gojyo-san, Goku-san, Sanzo-sama… I can never repay you for what you've done…" 

Hakkai smiled. "As long as you and your child are safe, that's enough, Machiko-san." 

Goku grinned. "Not to mention the GREAT dinner we had last night! That's thanks enough!" 

Gojyo, having grudgingly agreed not to smoke while visiting Machiko for the sake of her and the baby's health, looked at the child before commenting. 

"It looks pretty tiny." 

"Baka! The baby will GROW! DUH!" 

"Hey, who died and made you the expert on children, bakasaru?!!" 

"At least I'm not like some people who don't even BOTHER to know and just LEAVE after impregnating a woman!!" 

"Why YOU-" 

Hakkai tossed the squabbling duo a look. 

"Shutting up…" 

Machiko chuckled. "Since you helped deliver my child, Hakkai-san, I'll make sure my baby grows up to be like you." 

Hakkai smiled, deciding not to explain that he wasn't all that he seemed. "That is a great honour. Thank you. But I think your child should grow up the way it wishes." 

"I know…" Machiko turned to Sanzo who was sitting by her left. "But at least I'll help make sure my baby takes after you as well, Sanzo-sama." 

Gojyo snorted. "Meaning the kid will grow up to be a crazy trigger-happy, foul mouthed corrupted monk." 

"As well as a passion for drinking when he's not supposed to and with a strong disregard for the rules." Added Hakkai cheerfully. 

Goku, not wanting to be left out, spoke up. "Oh, oh and he'll be grumpy on Mondays, Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays!!" 

Gojyo smirked. "He's grumpy _every_ day, bakasaru!" 

Hakkai laughed. "True, true…" 

Sanzo turned and awarded them with the foulest, most poisonous glare his face could ever show. "Are you idiots finished?" This was asked, no, _hissed_ in a soft viper-like tone. 

Gojyo and Goku gulped and opted to whistle innocently. Hakkai smiled placidly and resumed looking at the tiny bundle of joy. 

Machiko, deciding not to entertain the ideas of her new child with all the said qualities, just smiled. "Sanzo-sama?" 

"What?" he brusquely replied. 

"Would you do me and my late husband the honour of naming my baby?" 

Sanzo blinked then turned his gaze onto the child in Machiko's arms. It was fast asleep, feeling warm and secure. It was so innocent, unaware of the dangerous world it had been born into, unknowing of the disappointments and bitterness it was being sheltered from. 

It was all the more reason to stop Gyumao from being revived and stop the madness that was spreading in Togenkyo. 

As he looked longer at the little baby, images of a rushing river emerged. The river carried a little baby with prayer beads looped around it's neck. And Sanzo's mind's eye saw a smiling man in the robes of a monk stoop to pick up the baby thus rescuing it from uncertain death… 

"I know, I know!! I have the PERFECT name for your baby, Machiko-neechan!!" 

Snort. "Knowing you, you're gonna name it Pork Ramen." 

"Ero kappa! Of course not! That's just DUMB!" 

"Ok then, bakasaru! What "BRILLIANT" name do YOU have?!" 

Goku, with a proud air, puffed out his chest and grandly declared, 

"**NIKUMAN**!!" 

A 'THUMP!' was heard as Gojyo fell over. Hakkai sweat dropped with Machiko. 

The redhead soon peeled himself from the floor, grabbed Goku by the neck, and shook him, demanding to know what KIND of MORONIC name was that?! 

"It's a GOOD name, ero gokiburi!! EVERYONE likes nikumans!! If YOU think you can do better, YOU come up with a name!!" 

Gojyo promptly released Goku and smirked. "That kid's BOUND to grow up to be a great looking devil! Considering what a looker it's mom is..." He winked at a blushing Machiko.

"The name should be **GOJYO**." 

Goku snorted in an effort not to laugh. 

He failed miserably. 

"GOJYO!?!! Wahahaahahahahaa!! That's the WORST name yet!! That kid's gonna be teased for LIFE!! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!!" 

"KONO bakasaru!! You're just ASKING for it, aren't you?!" 

"Why not?! Bring it on if you can, cockroach!!" 

**:: THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! :: **

**"URUSEI, KONO BAKAYARO!!!" **

Hakkai smiled apologetically at Machiko as Sanzo proceeded to teach his comrades a lesson in keeping quiet while a baby was around. Machiko smiled understandingly. When you traveled with the Sanzo-ikkou, even for an hour or two not to mention three days, you get used to the violence. Besides, the baby hadn't stirred through out the chaos and was still sound asleep. 

Sanzo sat back down with a grunt, the two idiots face flat on the ground behind him, steam rising from their skulls. 

"Well, Sanzo-sama? What will be my child's name?"

Sanzo gazed at the sleeping baby once more. Memories washed over him like a warm tide over sand. Memories of better times, of happier days when everything seemed less cloudy and less complicated. When a man with a gentle smile and a kind heart made an orange paper airplane sail through the air, a brilliant bright blue sky as the background.

"Koumyou." Said Sanzo softly. "Name your child Koumyou."

Aside, Hakkai smiled gently as Machiko nodded. 

"Koumyou it shall be." 

~*~*~*~ 

"Goodbye!! Have a safe journey!!" 

Goku and Gojyo waved cheerfully back to the villagers as Hakuryu took them further away and onwards to the West. 

Sanzo turned his head and watched Machiko's village recede from view. 

He knew the baby would be okay. 

Even when the world seemed insane and everything around it was confused and lost, that little baby would make it. Sanzo half felt that his master may have laughed at him. But… 

It had felt _right _to name the child Koumyou. 

Who knew, maybe one day, the kid may turn out to be as great as the man he had been named after. But for now… 

Sanzo was sure the child would be all right.

Hakkai's soft murmur broke through his thoughts. 

"Sanzo?" 

Still lost in the memories of his master, Sanzo absent-mindedly replied. 

"Hai?"

"I think the baby was a girl."

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~

We'll leave you to imagine what came after that. It's clear enough for us. *authors snigger away*

Ah, we also would thought it was high time to thank all of you by name for the reviews you guys were so kind to give. ^__^ SO, a huge "Arigato" from us (in no particular order) to... 

UltraM2000, Yamamoto Kou, Fuuei, Neko_Jinx, Erutan Xiku, Metajoker, DMJewelle, Shiroki Kietsuki, Double Vision, Kodomo Hikari, hakkai-san, IceFire3, Genjy0-Sanz0, Blades of Ice, Sariyuki, Crouge, Megu-chan, DreamsMadeFlesh and Kurtain.

_YunCynImaginator&Muses_: Thank you all for your support!!! ^__^

_Bunnies_: *twitches noses*


	19. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good...

**Tis' The Season To Be Jolly… Saiyuki Style!**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: *laughs* Now what made you guys think we wouldn't come back, eh?

_Imaginator_: *dryly* I don't know... maybe the fact that we all thanked them by name and that's usually what people do when they finish a fic?

_YunCyn_: *grumble* Alright, so that was a minor _faux pas_ on my part...

_Imaginator_: _Faux pas _indeed.

_YunCyn_: Hey, it's not like YOU don't make mistakes alright?!

_Imaginator_: Still, I don't do something like what YOU did-

_Muses_: *AHEM!* Girls, may we remind you what season we're in...

_YunCyn_: *shame-faced* Sorry... Pals?

_Imaginator_: *shakes YunCyn's hand* Best, muse-torturing pals.

_Muses_: *shudders* Anyway, this scene is in honour of the Christmas Season. 

_Imaginator_: It may be in advance but what the heck!

_YunCyn, Imaginator & Muses_: We wish you guys a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! ^__^

**Disclaimer: **Tis' the season of peace and goodwill to all mankind... which **STILL** gives us no excuse to try and own Saiyuki... *grumble*

**Note: **Sing to the tune of the carol "Tis the season to be jolly" and please add the usual "Fa-la-la-la-la" between the lines! Thank you!

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Sanzo-ikkou on a journey,

Half way meet with Kougaiji-tachi,

But of course they have to fight,

Otherwise it just ain't right

Sanzo pulls out his shourejyu,

Goku calls out the Nyoibou,

Gojyo swings his shakujou,

Hakkai uses ki balls to kill you!

Kougaiji uses fireballs to fight,

Doku uses a giant sword (alright!),

Lirin uses her fists and kicks,

A spear and bombs are Yaone's picks.

Kougaiji faces off with Goku,

Gojyo fights his brother, Doku,

Lirin bugs Sanzo all day,

Yaone and Hakkai smile all the way.

Everyone fights till the day is done,

But of course nobody won,

Everyone retreated far away,

Sure they'll fight another day,

Sanzo-ikkou going to the West,

Gojyo and Goku fight without rest,

Soon out comes the paper fan,

Making the two complain a-GAAAAIN!"

Sanzo, Hakkai, Gojyo, Kougaiji, Yaone and Dokugakuji stared at the orange haired girl youkai and the brown haired boy youkai in front of them in dumbfounded silence. It was a LONG while before any of them spoke. Finally Sanzo pulled out the cigarette from his mouth.

"WHO came up with the lyrics?"

Lirin and Goku grinned. In perfect unison, they replied. "**US**!!!"

Everyone exchanged looks. None of them quite knew what to say to the two young youkais. It was pretty obvious that the two had worked long and hard on the song. 

And considering both of their attention spans only ranged from none to two seconds per thought, parodying the song and actually **finishing** it had been a tremendous effort. So, even Sanzo the monk who spoke bluntly and truthfully without giving a bloody care in the world about what effect his cutting words may have on the personal lives and judgments of others, kept silent.

Gojyo cleared his throat. Hakkai sweat dropped with a small smile.

"It was…unique…" 

Yaone coughed. "…sou…" 

Doku raised an eyebrow. "Reminds me of the time Gojyo sang about me being a dork." 

"Oh yeah…it was the tune of Mary Had A Little Lamb, wasn't it?" grinned Gojyo. 

"Doku was a big fat dork, big fat dork, big fat dork…" said Doku tunelessly, a dark glare obviously signaling that he did not appreciate the memory. 

"Ahem…as much as I would like to hear more childhood memories from the 'Smirk Brothers'," said Kougaiji pointedly. "I want to know one thing." 

"Yes?"

"WHY did you have to put in 'but of course nobody won'?"

"Weell…" said Goku, a slight tinge of red on his face. "**I **wanted to say **we **won." 

"While **I **wanted to say **we **won." Added Lirin as she looked at her brother. 

"We started fighting when we suddenly realized…"

They finished in unison. "All of us never win anyway!!"

Kougaiji, Doku, Gojyo and Sanzo's faces took on an unreadable look. Yaone and Hakkai sweat dropped. 

~*~*~*~*~ 

"IT'S TRUE!! WHAT DID WE SAY?! IT'S TRUE WE NEVER WIN!!" 

"GOKU JUST SHADDAP AND RUN!!!" 

**The End. **

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Yes, Sanzo, Kou, Doku and Gojyo started chasing after Goku and Lirin yelling for their blood. ^_^

**Epilogue **

_Doku was a big fat dork, big fat dork, big fat dork _

_Doku was a big fat dork, _

_His brains were as tiny as bugs. _

_His bro, Gojyo was cleverer, cleverer, cleverer, _

_His bro, Gojyo was cleverer _

_Doku was no mat-GAK!_

(At that point, Doku had decided to teach Gojyo some respect by strangling the life out of his little 'kawaii' brother) 


	20. Too much pain, not enough brains to admi...

**Pain, Pain And More Pain.**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: Our dear readers and friends...

_Imaginator_: We have an important announcement to make.

_YunCyn_: You know that month long break we took? The one where we disappeared because of an exam called PMR?

_Imaginator_: We got our results back and have great news.

_YunCynImaginator_: **WE BOTH GOT STRAIGHT A'S!!!**

_Muses_: *eyes as wide as dinner plates* They... they actually DID IT?!

_Imaginator_: *glare* Oh, THANK YOU for the vote of confidence....

_Muse #1_: Pinch me, I must be dreaming... And DON'T pinch me.

_Muse #2_: Wasn't going to!

_YunCyn_: ^_____^ Yes, we did manage to make it! So it WAS worth the break. 

_Muse #2_: They actually got straight A's!?

_Muse #1_: ...doesn't that mean we BOTH lose our bets?

_Muse #2_: *thinks* Technically, yes but... *senses authoresses fire aura and starts sweating nervously*

_YunCyn_: ....you **GAMBLED** on our results?!

_Imaginator_: And you **BETTED** that we'd **FAIL**?!

_Muses_: Uh... ahehehe.... BYE!!

_YunCynImaginator_: GET BACK HERE, YOU TWO!! HOW DARE YOU BET THAT WE WOULD** FAIL**!?!

_Muses_: RUN!! THEY'RE CATCHING UP!!! RUUUUUUUN!!!

Plot Bunnies: *holds up sign* 'Enjoy the scene!'

**Disclaimer: **Visit this site: www.wedon'townsaiyukisowhydoweevenbotherputtingadisclaimer.com. Followed by: www.becausewedon'twannagetsued.net Thank you!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sanzo bit down on his lower lip as he lay in his bed, the pain throbbing up. His pinched expression lessened as the pain ebbed away. But he knew very well it would return. Oh, he knew too well. 

But if ANYONE expected him to cry out or groan or at least let out a SINGLE sign he was in pain, they were _DEAD_ wrong.

And he MEANT that literally too.

The infamous Genjo Sanzo-hoshi-sama, 31st generation of Sanzos actually admitting to physical pain?

Not on HIS life and not even over his dead body, thank you very much.

But, considered the monk, he HAD been STABBED in the abdomen several times and nearly missed getting any of his major internal organs punctured like a pin through the thin plastic of a balloon. Not to mention the grand total of 8 broken bones in five different places. (2 of which were his ribs) Surely his dignity would allow him to at LEAST let out a tiny whimper that wouldn't be commented on by anyone. Least of all, his comrades who knew the hazards of pointing out things that Sanzo would send them to the Afterlife for.

Sanzo's dignity sent back a telegram message.

**NEVER HAVE STOP AIN'T GONNA STOP NEVER WILL STOP SO KEEP DREAMING STOP.**

It wasn't like he WANTED to get hurt, thought Sanzo. What are you, crazy? He was ALLERGIC to pain just like every other person [1]. It gave him hives.

It's just that all the other morons and idiots in the world never seemed to get the fact that yes, he WANTED to be left alone, NO, he wasn't about to willingly be lunch to youkai and where the bloody hell did they get the idea he was HAPPY about going around with three other idiots in a bumpy jeep, aiming to beat the shit out of a dangerous youkai who wanted to destroy the world? (Or at least, all the humans in the world)

Hell, all he had wanted was to stay in the temple holed up in his office and when the elders called him, snub them like the arrogant, cold fish, you're-always-the-idiot, selfish monk he was supposed to be.

Sanzo raised an eyebrow as he entertained the above thoughts. This wasn't like him.

He was understating everything.

But here he was, lying on a bed with several rolls of bandages wrapped round his entire body, going out of his mind with boredom. If it had been any other person's orders to stay in the bed and NOT MOVE, Sanzo would've told him to sod off.

But it had been HAKKAI'S orders.

It had been HAKKAI with a _glint_ in his eyes and a _smile_ on his face that had ordered Sanzo to stay in bed and NOT MOVE.

Hakkai _NEVER_ gives out orders, you must be thinking. Hakkai NEVER orders people around or threaten bodily harm, you must be saying.

Does this sound non-threatening to you?

"And I'm _sure_ you will listen and NOT MOVE because if you do, who knows what other injuries may occur, _deshou_?" Smile, smile, glint, glint.

Sanzo wisely decided to respond with a "Ch!" and just lie back in bed. 

It wasn't like he could move anyway. The pain, no matter how much he denied it, was too much and he could barely sit up much less walk. 

Usually by now, any one of the Sanzo-ikkou would've come in to banter or tease and then nearly get killed as in every other major injury Sanzo suffered and lived through. 

Unfortunately, the others who would be daring (read: stupid) enough to go and tease Sanzo were lying in other beds, talking (read: arguing) about things from Hakuryu's curious temperament to HAKKAI'S curious temperament like it was going out of fashion. 

And much to Sanzo's chagrin, disappointment and annoyance, the two were situated in the very same planet, country, town, inn and room he was in.

Goku, the ever-cheerful talkative self he was, was babbling on about how high his pain tolerance was.

Gojyo, the ever I'm-always-better-than-Goku-at-anything, cocky self _he _was, cut through challenging the younger (or older since he's technically 518 years old…) youkai by saying that HE, Sha Gojyo the Handsome, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Sexiest Man (or Youkai if you want to get technical) Of The Year (as voted by the readers of Togenkyo Time magazine…) could be squashed under an ANVIL and not utter a single sound.

(One cannot help but pause to let the clichéd mental picture get through: Squashed Roach. *Authoresses snigger*)

Sanzo couldn't resist letting out his patented Yeah-right snort. 

Gojyo turned his heavily bandaged head, wincing as he did so, to glare at the monk. "Oh, and I suppose Mister Worldly Monk wouldn't even whimper should an anvil drop on his pretty face?" 

"I would kill you (if I could move) for that pretty comment. And to answer your idiotic question, NO ONE can get dropped on by an anvil and not make a sound." Sanzo made a derisive unintelligible sound. 

The muscle above Gojyo's left eye twitched. "Well, Smart Ass Monk, (_That was a new insult_, thought Goku absent-mindedly) I STILL say I can tolerate pain better than BOTH of you!" 

"No way! Who's been in more injuries this month, huh? ME! Who had more broken legs than all of you put together this week?! ME! So I can tolerate pain better than you OR Sanzo!"

Goku paused to think up a suitable ending.

"**SO THERE**!"

Gojyo turned his head back to face Goku, again with a wince. "Bakasaru, who has the cracked skull now, huh?! This is a HEAD WOUND! I could have been killed! But do you see me groaning?" 

"That's because it didn't make a difference, you jerk! Your skull was already cracked from the day you were BORN!" Goku was about to swing his broken arm to point then stopped mid way to bite down on his lower lip as pain (no other way to describe this) zapped right through his entire arm. 

"HAH!! I saw you wince!" Gojyo sat up in a flash then clutched his head as a numb pain seared through his cranium. Hakkai HAD said he shouldn't move fast if not at all. 

Goku, even if mind-numbing pain was going through his arm at 120 km/h, had to contest that. "That's not a sound, you stupid kappa!!"

"WILL YOU TWO IDIOTS SHUT UP AND-!"

Sanzo found himself sitting up and very tempted to bite down on the pillow to muffle a scream of pain at sitting up so fast. Goku's eyes widened as Sanzo's face performed acrobatic acts and gymnastics. 

"Woah… I didn't even KNOW a mouth could twist like that…" 

Gojyo was also staring. "Man, your face must be made out of rubber, Sanzo…" 

"URUSEI!!" 

A few minutes later, the pain subsided enough to fit Sanzo's pain tolerance level. And enough to allow Sanzo's face to relax into a recognizable expression: the ever-popular I-hate-you-stop-staring-at-me-or-you-will-lose-your-eyeballs-via-my-hands scowl cum deadly glare.

"Hey, I've got an idea how to settle this."

Sanzo raised an eyebrow. Whatever it was, he wasn't going to listen. Nope. The kappa's ideas were always stupid, insane and not capable for a normal human brain to comprehend HOW he came up with the hare-brained idea.

"Let's have a contest."

Not listening. No way, no how.

"What contest?" questioned Goku curiously.

No way on earth, heaven, hell and over his dead body was he going to listen.

"A pain tolerance contest. Whoever groans first because he's in pain, loses."

Sanzo snorted.

He was a _shoo-in _to win.

Gojyo glared at the monk. "Will you STOP doing that?!" Sanzo returned as withering a look as was possible. (The potted ivy on the windowsill actually turned yellow)

Goku grinned. "I'm in. But only if the loser buys us dinner! What EVER we want for dinner too!" _These guys are goin' down!_

"Deal!" Gojyo grinned. _Goku/Sanzo, get ready to buy me a seafood dinner with the works…_

"Ch'. Whatever." _This'll a piece of cake._

The kappa looked at the wall clock. "And the games begin…. NOW!" 

~*~*~*~*~ 

"FEEL the pain… it SEARS … it BURNS… it's going through your skin, causing you to squeal… groan… it's so EXCRUCIATING-"

**THWACK!!**

"STOP reading that stupid horror novel, kono ero kappa!" shouted Sanzo who'd been staring at the wall, grateful for the silence. 

Goku on the other hand was biting on his pillow, doing his best not to whimper. (There had been, after all, no rules against squelching shrieks)

_Stupid novel..._

~*~*~*~ 

"Okay, okay, new rule!!" called out Gojyo as the game dragged onto the end of the first hour. 

Both of Goku's eyebrows rose in anticipation. "What?"

"No one is allowed to bite on pillows, blankets or anything else to muffle any groan/moan/shriek/scream/whimper/any kind of sound that signals pain." 

"That's not FAIR!!" wailed Goku miserably. Sanzo silently echoed the sentiment. (Not that he NEEDED a muffler of course, of all the nerve to associate such a thing with _him…_) 

Gojyo let out an exasperated sigh. "If we don't DO that, NO ONE'S going to win, Sir Bite-A-Pillow-Every-Three-Minutes." 

Goku had to admit the kappa made sense and said nothing more except to resume insulting the kappa's odour. Sanzo, for his part, decided this no-pillows rule didn't concern him and left it well alone.

After all, everyone knew HE was the one who went through more almost fatal, serious injuries than they could count.

(What the monk fails to recall is that during those numerous almost fatal, serious injuries, he was unconscious and therefore, unable to feel any actual pain…) 

~*~*~*~*~ 

The wall clock's second hand ticked on by, counting down each second that passed on, never to return again. Another three more rounds and a whole hour would have disappeared into time and some weird space continuum or black hole or something like that…. (Authoress YunCyn rolls eyes as Authoress Imaginator sweat drops)

Basically, it was about to be the second hour into the 'Pain Tolerance' contest. 

And no one had groaned/moaned/whimpered/shrieked/squealed/screamed/emitted any other sound that signals pain.

Not when Gojyo had managed to get a head lock on Goku…

_"Whimper, you stupid monkey!!" _

_"NEVER!!" _

And certainly not when Goku tried his puppy dog eyed look on Sanzo… 

_Sanzo glanced down at the please-please-please pleading liquid brown puppy eyes expression he normally saved for nikuman begging. _

_The monk kicked the saru back into his bed at the end of the room. _

And no one uttered a single sound even when Gojyo found a rerun of a certain television show for kids that he was SURE would make the rest start groaning… (Emotional pain counted apparently)

_"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family-"_

**BLAM!**

**_"Sanzo!!! _**_You SHOT the TV!! Now we've got NOTHING to watch!!" _

_"It's your own fault since you're the one who tuned into Barney." _

So, now all three having exhausted all possibilities of making the others groan/moan etc (with the exception of Sanzo since all he had done was sit up, keep up his poker face and pretend nothing was wrong when in truth, pain burned in his ribcage from moving too much) just lay in their respective beds, wondering what would happen if no body won. 

This kind of peace however is utterly ridiculous and CANNOT be legal in the Fanfiction world. It's just not done and also not right. No decent heroes of any anime could deserve such peace (which would explain the lack of action concerning Gyokumen Kushu).

**SO…**

Imagine if you will, an ordinary inn room. The only thing extraordinary are its occupants which would be Gojyo, Goku and Sanzo. The main door is to the right. Since an ordinary inn would cut costs here, there and everywhere, this room would be a tad small. So, the only thing separating Sanzo's bed from the room door is a few feet of creaky floorboards, air and a very old dusty carpet that's probably the home of five generations of dust bunnies. 

Now, imagine the door opening to reveal the most patient, tolerant and easiest to snap, member of the Sanzo-ikkou, carrying several bags of groceries some feet higher than his head. This means that Hakkai's line of vision is only the brown paper bags of groceries.

(For those who can see what's coming, please don't grin in that feral way. We don't want any parents tapping you gently on the shoulder and asking what's wrong while the other parent sneaks off to the phone and calls the nearest mental institute)

"Tadaima! Have you guys been having fun?" 

"FUN, Hakkai, means going out there, hanging out with some gorgeous babes, trying to snag a date. FUN isn't sitting here in a room, staring at the ceiling with a grumpy monk and a monkey with no brains." 

"HEY! I HAVE brains!" 

Hakkai chuckled as he walked into the room. The grocery bag mountain wobbled slightly with each step he took. 

"Did you get the cigarettes, Hakkai?" 

"Yes, Sanzo. It's all in here…"

At that point, several things happened at once but we'll show you in slow motion exactly what happened.

Mr. Hakkai's Foot met Mr. Dusty Old Carpet. Hakkai, as the Law of Gravity demands, pitched face forward to the floor. As he did so, the Grocery Bag Mountain went airborne. Most of the bags' contents also flew into the air.

But what goes up, must come down.

Mr. Very Hard Tuna Cans?

Meet Mr. Sanzo-sama's Foot.

It was like breaking down a dam wall. You've held it in for so long that any other effect will make you explode. In other words, that was probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

Or in this case, it was the four tuna cans that broke Sanzo's foot.

**"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!" **

~*~*~*~*~ 

Goku munched happily on his nikumans while Gojyo, on the verge of whistling "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow", sliced up his buttered lobster meat. 

Hakkai on the other hand, was contemplating the events that had taken place earlier in the day.

"So… you three bet that whoever groaned/moaned/yelled etc. first would pay for dinner?" 

"That's right!" Gojyo grinned as he popped the piece of meat into his mouth. "And a GOOD dinner it is too!" 

Goku, who had never been taught to keep his mouth shut while eating, nodded vigorously. "Thanks, Sanzo!!" 

The steaming, furious, positively fuming monk just continued glaring at the table, trying to make it melt. 

Hakkai chuckled nervously. "Sanzo…think about it. You don't drive and the doctor said you could take off the cast in another two months…and paying for dinner isn't all that different from what you normally do…" 

Sanzo didn't care to reply. Now to add to numerous stab wounds and eight broken bones in five different places, he had a broken foot. 

Oh, he'd forgive Hakkai. In a week or two. 

But one thing was certain now:

He absolutely, positively **_HATED_** tuna.

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

[1] This was questionable since Sanzo WASN'T like any other person (ordinary people do not threaten to carve a bullet hole in others' foreheads on a daily basis) But the authoresses thought it wise not to comment on the monk's musings.

_YunCynImaginator, Muses, Plot Bunnies_: We all want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year! May we come up with better and more hilarious scenes in 2004!


	21. Not long enough to be a scene, not short...

_Yuncyn & Imaginator_: Yess, sschoolss has starts agains.....andss the teachersss, nasty little teacherss givess poor authoressess worksss.....so we hass no timess to put up any random sceness, no......

_Muses_: ....(-__-;;)

_Yuncyn &Imaginator_: Soss....we shall putss our time in ssstudying for schools...nastly schoolsss, giving little authoressess nasty homeworksss....

_Muses_: ....(-__-##)

_Yuncyn & Imaginator_: So, we hopess the readerssss enjoyss our workss....because it is our preciousssss.....(snivels)

_Muse #1 to Muse #2_:Is it just me or have they been watching too much Lord of the Rings?

Muse#2_:_ Twenty times if I recollect correctly.....

(Yes!! It's TRUE!!! WE LOVE LEGGIES!!!!!WAHAHAHA!!!!)

**Disclaimer**: After so long, you STILL have to ask us this question????? WE OWN THEM!!!! ISN'T IT OBVIOUS????

Ok, so we don't own them....but must you guys keep reminding us? (sniffs)

**Short, Very Random Scenes We Couldn't Pass Off As a Chapter**

Scene 1

"19."

"20."

"21."

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

"17."

"20."

"21."

Grumble. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

"Aha! 21!"

"21!"

"...ahaha, Black jack."

"THAT'S IT!!!" Gojyo flung his cards down and stomped off. "Remind me never to play cards with Hakkai again."

"But, Gojyo, we just started!..."

Scene 2

Sanzo looked around him, his mouth tightening in a grim line.

Youkais as far as the eye can see were surrounding him.

His three companions were further down, fighting off their lot of youkais, which was, to put it simply, the equivalent to the amount of inhabitants in a Fiji continent.

His trusty gun, usually out and firing ten rounds a minute, was out of bullets.

Sanzo swore. There was no way, no way, NO WAY he would go down without fighting for every inch of life he had left.

He'd never hear the end of it if he didn't.

Folding his arms in the traditional manner, he began to call out the phrase used by the Sanzos before him and the Sanzos before them to exorcise the youkais barring his path.....

"KAME HAME HA!!!!!!"

A huge, deadly, very, very destructive ball of light emerged from Sanzo's uplifted palm and went ripping into two thirds of the youkai standing in his way. Youkais, not the brightest creatures on earth, hurled themselves at the ball of light, thinking (in usual youkai fashion, read: stupid) that they could extinguish it.

In sixty seconds flat, all the youkai ,big, small, stupid, ....and ....stupid, were gone in the snap of a finger.

Sanzo stared, first at the ashes that used to be youkais, then at his hands. Then he shrugged. A slow, slightly feral smile began to tug on his upper lip.

Wait till Goku and Gojyo dare to argue in the Jeep again......

Scene 3

"Oh, oh, oh, there he goes! There! See? See?!"

"Alright already! I SEE, you dumbass! Now shut up and let me watch!!"

"Wait, wait... hey! Isn't that impossible?!"

"You saw it with your own eyes and call it impossible. What's wrong with you?"

"Will you two stuff it with the comments? I want to watch this."

"Man... does he PRACTICE at this?"

"Duh, obviously! How ELSE does he do it so quickly!?"

"WOAH, that was amazing! The speed, the balance, the accuracy..."

"The APPETITE."

Hakkai who couldn't help overhearing the other table's occupants turned to Goku, a large sweat drop sliding down the back of his head.

"Goku?"

"Yah, Hakkai?"

"I'm afraid I have to insist that eating two bowls of noodles on top of your head, another two on your arms and one on your foot without any chopsticks is a strict no-no next time..."

Scene 4

"Psst! Gojyo!"

"What."

"There're people STARING at us."

Gojyo whacked the back of Goku's head. "You really DO have no brains, don't you!? Everywhere we go, people stare, don't they?!"

"I HAVE brains!" retorted Goku. "And I KNOW people stare but they don't start grinning the way you grin every time you meet a girl, do they!?"

Gojyo discreetly turned. Indeed the saru's observation was correct. The redhead saw the direction they were looking in and a slight warning signal started flashing in his head.

"Say, ojouchan..."

Gojyo turned to his right where Sanzo was sitting. 

The warning signal turned into urgent ringing bells.

His eyes widened when he saw a half drunk lecherous looking man grinning at the monk. Goku hadn't failed to notice this either and both of their jaws dropped when they saw the guy actually put his hand on Sanzo's shoulder.

"So, what's a pretty girl like you doing in a dead-beat town like this?"

A siren and neon lights flashing the message of "GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!" in his head, Gojyo slammed down some notes on the bar counter. 

"Hereyougothankyouforthedrinksbye!!" 

With Goku right beside him, Gojyo jumped out of his seat at the bar and rushed out the door of the pub they had been in. They didn't stop running until they bumped into Hakkai who'd just come out of a shop about 10 yards away.

"Ah, Gojyo, Goku... why are you both sweating so much?"

"Sanzo...!" panted Goku as he gulped in air. 

Hakkai nodded sagely and watched along side Gojyo and Goku as gunshots resounded from within the pub, some men and women screamed and ran out and the sounds of a regular pub brawl began. Soon, a familiar figure emerged, his long till-it-reached-his-arm blonde hair shining in the sunlight.

As he came up to the group, Hakkai smiled.

"I DID tell you that you looked like a girl with your long hair...." 

Here, Hakuryu's owner resisted smirking. 

"And that you needed a hair cut."

"**SHUT. UP.**" growled Sanzo as he stormed into the hair dresser's.

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~

_YunCyn_: Wellssss.... that'ssss the endsessss...

_Imaginator_: We hopessss thatssss you enjoysssss these littlesssss.... snippetssss... (nassssty schoolssesssss...)

_YunCyn_: (Givings us nasssssty worksessss to do, yesss....) We'll triessss next timesss to writessss longer precioussss scenesesssss...

_Muse #1: _Alright! THAT'S IT!

_Muse #2_: This much bad grammar should be illegal!! I can't take it anymore! *runs off screaming with Muse #1*

_YunCynImaginator: _... *bursts into laughter*

_YunCyn: _Did you see them RUN?! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

_Imaginator: _We... hahahaha! We should do this more often! Bwaahahahahaa!

_Plot Bunnies_: *twitch noses with a sign in their mouths* 'Thank you for reading!'


	22. It's A Small World After All

**A Whole New World**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: All this is Imaginator's fault. And I must say... *wheeze* one of your more hilarious ideas.

_Imaginator_: Hehehee...

_Muse #2_: *gives suspicious looks at the plot bunnies* And just WHAT did you plant in her head now?!

_Plot Bunnies_: *twitch their noses innocently*

_Muse #2_: *turns to YunCyn* And YOU encouraged this, didn't you!?

_YunCyn_: Hey, remember who you're working for, pal! Now *a-hem* We have good news!

_Imaginator_: If you would care to look at the number of reviews....

_YunCyn_: We (at the time of writing) have 97 reviews...

_Imaginator_: SO, our aim is to break 100 reviews on this scene. ^___^

_YunCyn_: And if we don't get 100 reviews, well....

Imaginator: Well....

_Muses_: ....

_Plot Bunnies_: ...

_YunCyn_: Let's just leave it at that... *suspicious gleam in eyes*

**Disclaimer**: After this random scene... we'd have to think a LOOONG while about the longing of owning the Saiyuki gang. Say... five seconds?

~*~*~*~*~*~

A broad smile graced a slender face. The triumphant lilt didn't waver as he gazed upon the giant door.

At last, at long last, there would be pure freedom. And peace. Long, sought after peace. So far away from the corruption and the injustice of Heaven.

Mismatched eyes, one indigo and one gold, gleamed with pride and a long forgotten emotion. An emotion that had died along with the only one whom he had cherished and cared about.

Happiness.

_Rinrei… how I wish you could see this…_

Homura glanced backwards at his loyal, faithful friends. They were slumped on the floor, their energy drained of them. Now, they rested weakly against the pillars, breathing heavily and slowly regaining strength. Both had poured all their strength, power and very determination into the opening of the new world. Were it not for their iron will to see Homura's plan through, both kami would surely have perished.

"Go…" said Shien with a small smile.

Zenon managed a grin and he winked.

Homura nodded shortly and with a deep breath stepped through the open, waiting arms of the door to the new world.

_His_ new world.

The smile slowly morphed into a frown as he looked around. This wasn't exactly what he had in mind. He had planned for the bright azure sky and the vast green fields of wildflowers where he and his beloved had spent so much time together.

In the place of the bright sky however, was a velvety, dark indigo, nearly black night sky. Bright stars dotted the sky, twinkling away. A large full moon hung in all its lonely splendor, glowing like a huge opal.

_At least the fields are here…perhaps you can never have perfection. Not even here…_ thought Homura, rather regretfully. Nevertheless, he wouldn't complain. He looked across the grassy fields where new mountains and valleys were being created, as he stood there, transfixed at the sight. A river, clear and gleaming snaked its way across several trees, ending in a small lake.

He turned away and started strolling through the fields of wildflowers, his fiery coat gently brushing the tops of the green grass. Homura breathed in the scent of dew and nearly smiled.

She would have loved this. Homura raised his head and gazed at the sky, his insides aching. It would not be long until he collapsed out of exhaustion unless he sat down and rested. But there was enough strength left in him. Enough to send a silent message to his lady love.

_Can you see me, Rinrei? Can you remember?_

_I did this… all for you… all for us, Rinrei._

He missed her terribly.

Suddenly, he spotted movement in the corner of his blurred eyes. Homura swiftly turned his head.

There were merely stars winking away.

Homura brusquely wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Stupid tears.

The kami with the indigo hair continued to gaze at his surroundings, drowning in memories and long buried feelings. This world was pure and his. Here, there would be no glaring stares of disgust or the hypocritical backward glances of so-called sympathy. Here… he was finally free. Free to breathe, to think and to love as he pleased. Granted, there was no other love than Rinrei for him but still…

Not for the first time did Homura wish that Rinrei was beside him, taking in his newfound freedom and enjoying his new world with him.

Just as Homura took in a deep breath, a strange trill of an apparently dying songbird was heard.

"Ai can sho youuu da wuuuurld!!"

An English song singing dying songbird too.

"Shaaaaining, shiiiimuuurrriiing, spleendeeeed…."

Homura frowned. Had animals been created already?

"Teell mee, preencess, naow when deeed youuu laaaast lett your haaaart diiiicaaaaaaiiiide…!"

Wait… didn't song birds roost at night?

"Aaai caaan OOpen yaoor aaaaiiiiissss, taaaayke you wuunder baaiiii wuuunder,"

He looked around, his sharp eyes only seeing flora, sky and stars. The sharp noise came again, this time a little louder and clearer.

"O-vaaar saaaide waaays aaaand an-deeeeer, On a maaaagickkk caaaarpeeeet raaaaaaaiiiide-!"

It sent shivers up Homura's spine. The poor beast must be in great pain to emit such a hair-raising sound.

Memories put aside, Homura was preoccupied with finding the animal so that he could put it out of its misery. He continued walking, concentrating on the long grass. Perhaps it was trapped…

"A WHOLE new **WUUUUUURRRRLD**…!!"

Homura immediately ducked as something nearly took his head off. Jumping for cover, his thoughts were questioning him if he had planned for off tune singing pterodactyls.

"A NEEEUWW FAANTASTIIIC POOOYNT OF VII-EEEEEEEUUUUWWW!! 

NO ONE to TEEEELLL US NOOOO, Or WHEEEEEREEEE to GOOOOO…!"

It's awful warbling was heard again, though this time muffled as if it was quite a distance from the kami.

"OR saaaaay wiiiiie're ONLIII DRIIIIEEMIIIING…!"

Homura grimaced as he resisted sticking his fingers in his ears. Kami could withstand **ANYTHING**.

"A WHOOOLE NEEEEEUUUW WUUUURRRLD!!

A daazzzleeeng plaaayyyce ai NEEEVEER NEEEEUW!! 

Baaat when I'm WAAY up HEEEARE, eeet's CRIS-TAL CLIEEARRR, 

TH-aaat NOW aaaim eeen A whoooole neeeuw wuuuuurld wif yoou!!!"

**EVEN** horrible off tune renditions of popular Disney tunes.

Blessed silence continued before Homura, his heart beating like a drum, slowly sat up and looked around cautiously.

…Whatever that thing was, it seemed to have taken off.

"NOW I'm in a whole new WUUURRRRRLD wif YOUUUUUUUUU…!!!"

Or not. 

Homura was wincing as he stood up, the noise echoing. Brushing some grass off himself, he thought he may have been rather too distracted when he planned this world. Maybe he'd track that singing bird down when he'd gotten some high quality earmuffs that blocked sound.

"AAAN-beeeleeevaabaal saaaaiiights! 

EEEEN diiiscrybabel feeeeleeengs!! 

Saaawwwreeng, taaambleeeng, freeeweeeeeleeeng! 

THROOH AN eendlesss daimand skaaaai!"

And Zenon's machine gun.

"A WHOOLE NEEEEUUWWW **WUUUUURRRLD**!!!"

_Kuso… what kind of bird actually sings such songs? A whole new world indeed-_

Homura stiffened. Then groaned as he covered his face with his hand.

What kind of demented freak of nature had thought up that pun!?

"DOONT YOU DAAARRRE CLOOOSE YUUUR AAAAAIIIS!! A HAN-DRUD THOWZAND THEENGS TO SEEE!! HOLD YUUR BREEEATH, IT GEETS BEEEHTAAAR!!"

Apparently, that singing demented freak of nature.

Homura ducked and rolled as whatever that was swooped over his head again. This time, the kami looked up, determined to identify this flying freak that tortured eardrums and sent small animals into seizures. He squinted to see what it was exactly.

_WAAAAITaminute…_

_NO… It can't be…!_

Homura jumped to his feet and chased after the zooming so-called warbling bird, trying very hard not to run in the opposite direction. The singing was totally abominable and the singer shouldn't have been allowed to have lips, a tongue or a voice box.

"I'm LAIK a SHOOOOOOOOTING STAAAAAAAAARRRR, 

I've CUMMMM so FAAAAAARRR, 

I can't GO BAK to where I UUUSEDD TO BEEE…!!"

As it soared past the moon, Homura screeched to a halt.

It was _TRUE_. A pair of goggling eyeballs and a thought that kept repeating this was totally IMPOSSIBLE accompanied his dropped jaw.

It was a **carpet**. A carpet that had gold frilly tassels at each end and seemed to be moving on its own accord. But it was a carpet nonetheless.

But it was the people ON the carpet that was making Homura's thoughts chase each other around in little circles yelling that this couldn't be.

On the carpet was HAKKAI in a TURBAN and a full Arabian suit not unlike the famous Disney hero. He was in the pose made famous by the third-class painter Jack on the tragic ship, Titanic.

Only the singing could have brought the huge ship down instead of an iceberg.

Sitting placidly behind the warbling green-eyed healer were his comrades. Gojyo, followed by Goku and at the end, Sanzo. If Homura had any doubts about the Sanzo-ikkou's strength, they were dispelled at that very minute. Otherwise how on EARTH could they withstand the blood curdling noise that Hakkai was emitting?

Homura felt his blood run cold as Hakkai's singing could be heard once more as they zoomed past him.

He'd gotten LOUDER.

_Oh, SHIT…_

"A WHOLE NEEEEEEEUUUW WURRRRRLD!!"

Goku, grinning and clearly enjoying himself (Homura couldn't figure out how), decided to join in.

"EVEEERY TURN A SURPRIIIIIISE!!!"

Hakkai immediately encouraged his young friend. "WIIIF NEEEUW HOOOORAAAAIZOOONS TOO PERSUUUUE!"

"EVERY MOMENT-"

**THWACK!! THWACK!! THWACK!! THWACK!!**

The echoing thwacks assured Homura that Konzen was making sure his pet didn't add to the horror.

But to the kami's rising terror, the monk opened his mouth.

And actually started to join _**IN**_.

"Every moment red-letter…."

Hakkai seemed to grin. "AAAAIII'LL CHAAASE DHEEEM EV-AARY WAAAY!!"

"There's time to spare…" chimed in Sanzo with a face that didn't fit the song.

"LET ME SHAAAAARE DIIIS WHOLE NEEEEEEEUUW WUUUUUURRRLD WIF YOU….!"

Well, at least the monk's arms weren't out stretched. If they had been, Homura would have died right then and there.

Still, the great, pot-smoking, beer-drinking Sanzo-hoshi-sama, SINGING???!!!

It was almost too much for Homura's already overtaxed brain, which was, by the way, running in little circles yelling red alert it was only a hair breadth between sanity and a complete breakdown

Not to mention seeing the monk singing was supposed to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse. And the world hadn't ended.

The kami fervently wished he didn't have ears as the carpet made a large U-turn and started coming back his way.

"A WHOLE NEEEEEEEUWW WUUUUURLLLLD!!"

"That's where you'll be…" sang Sanzo.

"A THREELIIING CHAAASE!!"

The monk decided to let Hakkai take the end. "A wondrous place…"

Hakkai spread his arms out for the big finish. And though Homura thought it wasn't possible…

"FOOOOUUUUUR YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAND-"

He got _LOUDER_.

**"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"**

That was_ it_.

Homura sped out, the dust cloud following him the size of a small car. Once out, he slammed the doors shut and leaned against them.

Shien and Zenon both raised their eyebrows in surprise. They were just about join their leader in the new world when he streaked out of there as if a swarm of killer bees were chasing him out. A muffled, haunting sound that suspiciously sounded like "Me" was resounding from within the doors.

Zenon tentatively questioned his leader. "Homura? You okay?"

Homura panted as a reply as he gulped and took in deep breaths. Shien slowly approached him.

"Homura?"

That seemed to trigger something as Homura suddenly started babbling about "carpets", "a big bloody moon" and "singing."

_Carpets?_ Mouthed a puzzled Zenon across to Shien.

Shien returned a confused expression. He mouthed back, _Singing?_

Zenon shrugged and circled his finger near the side of his head in the traditional signal for 'whacked' and/or 'crazy'. Shien nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Homura… maybe you better have some oolong tea… and a week long rest…"

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~

_YunCyn_: ^__^ Maa, hope you enjoyed this as much as I did! Imaginator: *cackles* 

_Aladdin_: HEY! Do you two know what you've just done?!!

_Imaginator_: Uh... threw the Sanzo-ikkou into an Agrabah-look a like realm? 

_Aladdin_: BESIDES THAT!! You stole the most romantic moment I had with JASMINE!! How COULD you?!! *starts wailing and throws a tantrum* 

_YunCyn_: *watches Aladdin start pounding on the floor with his fists* .... 

_Imaginator_: Well... you learn something new everyday. 

_Muses_: And what did you learn today? 

_YunCynImaginator_: There's actually someone whinier than the Sanzo-ikkou!! 

_Sanzo_: Nandato...?

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**

_YunCynImaginator, Muses_: RUUUNN!! *starts running for dear life*

_Hakkai_: *petting plot bunnies* ^_^;;; Yare, yare... *not about to stop Sanzo anyway because we made fun of him in the scene*

**Note: **We are terribly sorry if any Hakkai or Ishida Akira-san's fans are offended. We too are fans of Ishida-san. It's just that well... ^_^;;; the fact he doesn't sing much in Saiyuki prompts us to poke fun at it occasionally. But we do know he can sing. ^__^ And no, we are not implying shounen-ai. We don't mind it but we don't write it. 

_Soraya-Bounty-Hunter_: To answer your questions... 

1) Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder so we don't know about you guys. But personally, both of us love our muses to bits and do think they're cute. 

But don't tell them we said that. Otherwise there'll be no living with them for EVER... (the egos of said muses are ones to behold...)

2) You're quite welcome to borrow mine! (Muse #1) You'll have to ask Imaginator about Muse #2 although I'm very certain she will allow it. However, no matter how much they beg and whine, DON'T feed them chocolate. (You might have to move out after they're through...)

3) Weeeeelll... if you're planning to take the bunnies out on loan... be extremely careful. Traitor, Misfit and Fluff are **very** aptly named. And don't underestimate Fluff. He may be the youngest but he's **DANGEROUS. **_He's_ the one responsible for 'A Whole Lotta Knows', 'Goku's Secret Weapon' and 'Labour'. 

4) *gulp* Yes, ma'am. 


	23. Gong Xi Fa Cai! or Oranges Can Be Danger...

**Year Of The Monkey**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCynImaginator: _*does White Rabbit impersonation* We're late, we're late, we're late, we're late, we're late-

_Muses_: For a very important date?

_YunCyn_: *glares* Stop stealing our lines!

_Muse #1_: What're you late _for_?

_Imaginator_: Chinese New Year!! It's already the ... *counts* What, ninth day? And we STILL haven't posted anything up in honour of the occasion!

_YunCyn_: *sighs* Nevertheless, better late than never.

_Imaginator_: I suppose.

_YunCynImaginator&Muses_: Happy Chinese New Year of the Monkey!!!

_Plot bunnies_: _Tsk. Should all be year of the rabbit if you ask us..._

**Disclaimer: **Sanzo-ikkou and all their affliates do not belong to us. We're just authors trying to make a living by writing stories of their exploits that most people don't see.

_Muse #1_: What do you mean exploits they don't see?! All these scenes didn't even HAPPEN!

_Muse #2_: And what do you mean by make a living!? You don't even EARN anything!

**THWACK! THWACK!**

On with the story...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was an unusually quiet day. One of those peaceful calm ones where nothing really moved fast enough. Everyone stopped to smell the flowers and then start sneezing their heads off because they were allergic to pollen. No one hurried anywhere and even if a giant lizard with crab pincers started rampaging through town, the townspeople would have stopped, tilted their heads, go "Oh. That's unusual" and then see if there's any more tea left in the pot. They'd even invite the monster to sit down and have a cup and perhaps, play a little mahjong.

Sanzo didn't like it.

Sure, he was the one who kept screaming for silence. And yes, he WAS the one who kept threatening to chop the others into firewood if they didn't shut up. 

But that was the kind of silence where he knew it would be a couple of more hours of rest and peace before they ran into youkai. That was the kind of silence that prevailed when the end of an episode or story had come about and he would have a break before being flung into another dimension where metal humans walked everywhere and they had to find their way back to Togenkyo before the stroke of eleven forty eight p.m. 

THIS silence was the breath being held before the storm blew in. 

THIS silence was the kind that came before the shoe dropped. 

THIS silence was the kind where trouble LOVED to brew in.

He'd learned LONG ago that his life was not meant for silence. It was one of those ironies of life. When you WANTED silence, you got a stupid monkey that made enough noise to pass for a 20 member brass band. When you wanted solitude, you got stuck with two idiots who didn't know when to shut up and another guy who was so irritatingly calm outside when you knew very well he's the most likeliest to snap like an overstretched rubber band. 

But back to the matter at hand, Sanzo was, at the very least, unnerved. 

At the moment, nothing was likely to happen since he was still in his room, staring at the ceiling from his bed. Most people didn't know that Sanzo usually spent several minutes just lying in his bed debating whether to use the dreaded paper fan or the lethal silver gun that day. (It didn't really matter since he ended up using both anyway but it had become a habit that was hard to break) 

This morning was a change. Sanzo had a deep feeling in his gut that SOMETHING was going to break. SOMETHING that Sanzo detested was going to happen.

In other words Genjo Sanzo-hoshi-sama, would have another massive migraine and another lousy day.

Silently vowing he wouldn't go down into the depths of humiliation without giving it a painful thwack and a couple of bullet holes to remember him by, Sanzo heaved himself from the bed. 

~*~*~*~ 

"…Gojyo, you never learn, do you?"

"Hey, it's only ONCE a year! Please?"

"But…"

"Oh, come on! It's not everyday we get to have this kind of fun!"

"Regardless, even if I do agree, I don't think Sanzo would like it."

"Hakkai, the grumpy old monk never likes ANYTHING. You KNOW how he keeps saying," Gojyo pulled on a face not unlike the kind that Sanzo had on whenever Gojyo was doing something the monk just KNEW was plain stupid. " 'Don't draw attention to yourselves, you fools!' This is the ONE chance for us to do this. Besides, it's a SPECIAL occasion. NOTHING will go wrong."

"Famous last words."

"Hakkai, I'm starting to think you're picking up the monk's bad habit of dampening everyone's fun."

Hakkai grimaced. "It's not that. It's just that you know how… impressionable Goku is. He might just take it into his head that he'll be able to do this everyday. And what if Hakuryu-"

The red head cut him off. "Look, I'll make sure he takes it off once we're done. If we muck Hakuryu up, I promise we'll clean him until he SPARKLES. And LOOK at him!" Gojyo pointed to the beaming brown haired boy. "He looks so happy! Are you gonna spoil that saru's mood by telling him the whole thing's gotta be called off? Don't you remember know how long it took us to convince him that it wasn't the end of the world when we weren't gonna bake that banana cake last time? I tell you when that guy's sad, his face is so long, HAKURYU could use it for a road!"

Hakkai's memory of how it took about half a year to comfort Goku over the loss of banana cake emerged. During that period, the atmosphere in the jeep was so moody even SANZO couldn't stand it. 

He sighed. "Alright…"

Gojyo punched his fist in the air. "YES!" The redhead marched over to Goku to deliver the good news, all the while thinking how many chicks were gonna fall over and swoon at this stunt… 

~*~*~*~ 

Sanzo joined Hakkai in the inn dining room, his eyes not seeing the rest of his party. A feeling of dread started to settle in his stomach. "The idiots are late." 

Hakkai chuckled. "You know how easily Gojyo and Goku are distracted when they go into town. They said to pick them up there." 

The monk raised an eyebrow. "…" 

The driver glanced at Sanzo who's silence spoke volumes. And would throw daggers if necessary. "They DID say that, Sanzo." 

"And you let them go into town where they'll undoubtedly cause chaos and destruction." 

"Uh… yes?" 

Sanzo let out a long-suffering breath. "If they mess up the town, I'm not gonna be the one to clean up after them." 

Hakkai sweat dropped, trying not to imagine Sanzo using a broom to sweep the remains of the ones known as Gojyo and Goku. As he followed Sanzo out of the inn, he heard the monk stop.

"…did I mention that I let them take Hakuryu with them?"

Hakkai made a mental note to look up what Sanzo was muttering under his breath about the two idiots in a dictionary.

Although he was fairly sure even those who wrote dictionaries wouldn't dare to put Sanzo's choice of words in. 

~*~*~*~ 

Hakkai heard the sharp intake of breath beside him and readied himself. He knew there wasn't much use trying to say anything now. He would be duly ignored but he tried nevertheless.

"Sanzo, it's just once a year and Goku really did seem to like the idea…"

"…"

"And, you KNOW how Goku gets whenever we have to stop what he's been excited about…" 

"…" 

"Besides, I really don't see any harm in this." 

Like we said, Sanzo's silences could speak volumes and throw daggers. 

Hakkai had a _very _good feeling this silence would not only throw flaming arrows and have an Iron Maiden ready and waiting but also included certain torture devices cleverly designed to make the tortured feel like they were dying. Sad thing was, they weren't dead yet. 

Sanzo stared at Gojyo who was busy saying "Happy Chinese New Year!" to a bevy of gorgeous shapely women. Goku, dressed appropriately in a brown monkey suit complete with the furry ears and a tail poking out of the back, was happily receiving mandarin oranges and other items that the townspeople were giving him just because he looked so damn cute. 

Hakuryu was on Goku's shoulder looking very contented and full. Occasionally, at Gojyo's request, the dragon would let out a small burst of flame, earning the trio more oranges and the occasional red packet. 

But that wasn't making Sanzo's veins tap dance. 

No, what was making Sanzo's blood pressure dangerously rise with each passing minute was a banner hanging from Goku's back. 

"COME SAY HELLO TO SON GOKU, THE MONKEY OF THE YEAR AND A MEMBER OF THE FAMOUS SANZO-IKKOU! IF YOU'RE LUCKY, YOU'LL GET TO WISH SANZO-SAMA HIMSELF HAPPY NEW YEAR LIVE IN PERSON!!" 

Hakkai quickly fought down a laugh. This was a most precarious time. Any sound out of him would have most certainly earned him a fate worse than death. 

Goku turned around, spotted Sanzo and grinned. "SANZO!! LOOK! WE'VE GOT ENOUGH ORANGES TO LAST A WHOLE WEEK!!!"

Hakkai took a step backwards.

_Yare, yare..._

~*~*~*~ 

Hakkai let out a small sigh. 

"Hakuryu, you really shouldn't have eaten so many oranges. It's not healthy to eat that many in one go." 

"Kyuuu…" 

"I know you like them but still…" Hakkai gently rebuked his pet. "If you eat too many, you might end up with a stomach ache. And then what would we do?" 

A reluctant sounding "Kyuu…". 

Hakkai smiled. "There's a good boy." His hand still petting the little white dragon, Hakkai continued to watch Sanzo chase Gojyo and Goku around town. 

"YOU BLOODY IDIOTS!!! DIE!!" 

**FLING! **

"SANZOOO!! HAVE A HEART!! IT'S JUST ONCE A YEAR!!" 

**ZIP! **

"SHI NE!!" 

**ZOOM! **

"ITEI! SANZO, STOP WASTING THE ORANGES!!" 

**FLING! **

"GOKU, SHADDUP! WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE HIM USE THE GUN?!" 

"YES!! I CAN'T STAND TO SEE THOSE ORANGES GO TO WASTE!!" 

**BONK! BLAM!! **

"ITEI!! I DIDN'T KNOW ORANGES HURT THAT MUCH!" 

"YOU DUMB MONKEY!! NOW HE'S USING THE GUN **AND **THROWING THE ORANGES!!" 

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! ****BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

"**GO AND DIE, YOU FRIGGIN FREAKS! **WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD USE MY NAME TO PROMOTE YOURSELVES!?" 

Hakkai sweat dropped. If this was what happened at the beginning of this year… 

_Yare, yare desu ne... _

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~

_Imaginator_: I had no idea oranges could cause welts like that...

_YunCyn_: ...this is SANZO we're talking about here.

_Imaginator_: ...good point. Think we could do that to the muses?

_YunCyn_: *grins and hands Imaginator an orange* Wanna experiment?

_Imaginator_: *grin* For the sake of Science!!

*Authors run off, grinning and giggling madly. Moments later....*

**AAAARGH!!!**

_Muses_: *running for dear life* What the HELL made you think ORANGES could be used as ammunition?!

_Imaginator_: Imagination, pals!! 

_YunCyn_: AFTER THEM!!

_Muses_: AAAAAARGH!!!

_Plot_ _Bunnies_: ... *twitch noses*


	24. The Test For True Love Runs Strong

_Imaginator_: *scribbling down notes of what seems to be the next random scene. Or a recipe for chili sauce.*

_YunCyn_: *scribbling what seems to be another random scene. Or ten good reasons why she hates math*

_Muse #1_: *looking over current Random Scene*... saru... spelling mistake there, Muse #2...

_Muse #2_: *scribbles*Nyoibou... *looks at authoresses in confusion* You SURE you wanna put this up?

_Muse #1_: Yeah. Come to think of it, it's not your usual style.

_Imaginator_: *without looking up* Have you finished reading it yet?

_Muse_ _#2_: No, not really...

_YunCyn_: *also not looking up* Then read it and you'll get what we mean.

_Moments later..._

_Muses_: WHAT THE-?!

_Imaginator_: *grins* Is it our style yet?

_Muses_: *weakly* Haaai... *glares at plot bunnies who twitch noses innocently* Stupid bunnies...!

_YunCyn_: ^__^ *high fives Imaginator* 

****

By the way, to all our readers who would like to see a more _personal _glimpse of us (yeah, right), we are proud to announce that, yes, we, our favorite authors have a BLOG!!!!!

_Muses_: NOOOOOO!.......

_YunCynImaginator_:YESSSSSS!!!!!.....

_Muses_: NOOOOOOOOO!!....

_YunCynImaginator: _YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Muses_: NOOOOOOOO-

_YuncynImaginator_: *Calmly beans their muses*

Anyway, go check it out. If you enjoy these pre-chapter convos of ours, you're probably going to enjoy those...sage words of ours.

Go read. This is a command, not a request.

(Police comes in. YuncynImaginator ducks behind bush)

OK, OK! So it's not a command!!!But just check it out pretty please? (And leave reviews there too.*grin*)

**Disclaimer: **We no own Saiyuki, senoritas and senors... ^__^

****

**For The Love Of What?**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

How far would you go to protect the one you loved? 

Just how deep would you fall to make sure nothing hurt the one your heart kept as its flame? 

Exactly how much were you willing to give, to see a smile on their faces? 

Those were the questions one named Son Goku would have to face.

And to answer them wrongly, would have the direst of consequences.

***** 

Quietly determined golden eyes met red ones as fiery as the spirit of its owner. 

"It doesn't have to come to this, saru." Said Gojyo in a leveled tone of voice. 

He didn't bother replying and quietly made his request. "Move aside, Gojyo." 

The shakujou he had seen too much and knew too well flashed in the sunlight. "Don't make me do this. Don't make me fight you, Goku." 

Goku made his nyoibou materialize and gripped it tightly. "Ero kappa, move aside!" 

Hidden regret and sorrow flashed through his inevitable opponent's blood red eyes. "Goku… you're really going to fight me. Seriously…?" 

Goku gritted his teeth and looked away, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. There was no other way, no other choice.

Would he choose the elder comrade who had gone through thick, thin and even medium with him?

Or his one true love?

Gojyo looked at him, half hoping it would not come to his worst fear. He gripped hold of his staff willing Goku not to continue. 

"Yes." 

Gojyo closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. A sigh that he hope released all the fondness he had accumulated for the noisy brat who kept arguing with him in the Jeep's back seat. He reopened his eyelids, the deep red coloured eyes seemingly boring straight into Goku's very soul.

"Let's go, saru! One last time!" 

****** 

The battle lasted for as long as Gojyo could stand. And then… 

Goku ran on, his light brown hair flying behind him. Nyoibou in hand, he fiercely disallowed himself to look back.

To remember what he had just done to a good friend and a great comrade. 

There could be no regrets. No other thoughts. 

The boy continued running, his conscience and mind pushing other matters away as he continued heading to where he was needed. To where his first love waited for him.

_No..._

That was the first word that came into Goku's mind as his steps halted and his eyes stared at the man facing him. 

"Konnichiwa, Goku." Came the cheerful, calm voice of Cho Hakkai. Although, his voice seemed to strain at the edges, his countenance was still gentle and smiling.

_No. Not Hakkai. Gojyo was hard enough but... no!_

"Are you alright, Goku?" 

"Hakkai… doushite…" 

Hakkai's gentle smile waned. He stared gravely and straight into Goku's golden eyes. "I have to stop you, Goku. For your own sake, you must not go any further." 

"I can't!!" Goku desperately replied. "Why can't you guys just let me go?!" 

Hakkai's eyes were sorrowful. "We can't just let you destroy yourself, Goku. We've all known you far too long to let you do that." The green-eyed healer stood tall and firm. He would not move, Goku realized. 

He stared pleadingly at Hakkai. Why couldn't they see? Why couldn't they let him run his own course? Why did they keep trying to drive him back? 

"You don't understand! I need to go! Stop standing in my way!!" 

"Yamete kudasai….Goku." 

Goku gripped the Nyoibou for comfort though he found none. As his knuckles turned white, Goku bowed his head. 

"......I cannot. I can't just turn around. Not after what I've done." 

Hakkai showed no sign of shock or disgust. "You defeated Gojyo, didn't you?" 

Goku jerked his head back up, his eyes full of ferocity Hakkai had only seen once or twice. **"Let. Me. _GO_!"**

Never in his wildest imaginations had Hakkai ever even thought that that ferocity would be aimed at him. The one who had patiently taught Goku part of all he knew, he who had been Goku's comforter in times when Sanzo was injured and the man who had seen Goku mature in few years did his best not to cry out in frustration. 

His voice remained soft and calm. "…you would fight even me?" 

Goku bit back the part of him that shouted out no. "_Even_ you." 

Hakkai's heart sank. And he gathered his hands to where a bright green glow emerged. 

"I won't hold back then." 

Goku, trying not to weep, let loose with a scream and charged. 

*******

Sanzo's hair gleamed in the light. Casually flicking his cigarette stub to the ground and stamping it out with his foot, his ears heard the sound of running footsteps. 

He hoped that for once, the gods wouldn't be sadistic. He hoped that for ONCE in his 23 years of life, he was wrong. 

He hoped that he would not have to pull out the silver gun.

But mostly everyone knew that the gods in Tenkai were not so forgiving, that Sanzo was never wrong when it came to matters such as these and that Sanzo always used the silver shourejyu.

The footsteps stopped. Sanzo sensed regret and sorrow. He felt the dismay and fear of the unavoidable. The monk's eyelids closed as he reached into his robe and gripped the handle of the Smith & Wessons.

"Sanzo…"

"You sure took your time, bakasaru." He whirled around, the gun clearly gripped in his hand. He met the fearful stare of his ward. The saru's breath was ragged and uneven. Goku's hair was disheveled and his cape ripped to shreds. 

"…I see Gojyo and Hakkai didn't fight to the best of their capabilities." 

Goku continued to stare at Sanzo, speechless. The purple eyes gazed calmly back at him. "Well, saru. You know what I'll do. So stop being stupid for once and knock all this nonsense off. It's damn annoying." 

He finally found his voice. "Sanzo… I… I can't!"

Sanzo didn't bother to find out just what Goku couldn't do. "If you can't, then stop." 

"No, I…" Goku's fingers tightened round the faithful staff he had carried since they started on the journey. Sanzo's eyes flicked a glance at it and a slight wonder of what it was like to have that go through you flitted through the back of his mind. He had little doubt he would find out. 

He clicked the safety off. "I've said it before. If I need to, I WILL kill you. It doesn't matter whether you're insane or not. And if you take one more step," Sanzo held up the gun. "Your name is mud." 

Horror struck, Goku's eyes traveled to the shourejyu, remembering just how many times Sanzo had shot at them, trying to get him and Gojyo to shut up.

_Gojyo..._

_Hakkai..._

_No. I can't. I CAN'T fight Sanzo! Not him! _

_Then what happens to the one you've fought Hakkai and Gojyo to get to?_

_ Are you just going to let it go? Just like that? _

_…NO. _

Goku raised his staff slightly and stared at the ground. "I WILL NOT stop here!" 

"Oh?" replied Sanzo with an eyebrow raised. "And when will you stop? After you have attained what you fought me for? After what you've defeated Hakkai and Gojyo for? Let me ask you then, saru. When _will_ you stop? It will never end. You'll start wanting for more, and more and more. Until you finally run out and you slowly die and rot away." 

Goku's eyes widened in shock. That was a lie. It had to be.

But yet… 

Deep inside, he knew well the hunger would never end. It wouldn't stop until it had consumed him. Only after he had wasted away, searching for what was unattainable, would the hunger stop and laugh. Laugh at what a fool he was to let himself be driven by it. By the first love he had ever had. 

Goku fists seemed to be causing dents in his staff at the rate he was gripping them so tightly. 

But there was no way he could let go of what he had come so far for. There wasn't any other choice! He had fought the only family he'd ever had just to get here. He had driven back and hurt what he deemed brothers. Wasn't he weak if he stopped now? Wasn't he the lowest of the low if he just halted right here?

"…no."

Sanzo said nothing as an inner war raged within Goku's mind. Never had the boy thought this hard in his entire life. 

He wouldn't be the lowest of the low. He would NOT be called weak! Simply because he wouldn't allow himself to receive such names, he would NOT be a weakling for stopping here. Was it better to let a mindless craving rule his thoughts and actions instead of his own mind? Instead of his own spirit?

Instead of _him_?

Sanzo watched the Nyoibou fall to the ground and Goku drop to his knees. The monk let out a large sigh. Taking a few steps closer to his charge, Sanzo lay a pale hand on Goku's head. There was no reassurance that Goku had done the right thing neither was there a comfort that Gojyo and Hakkai wouldn't blame him. Sanzo didn't know whether those were true. And Sanzo hated lying.

But Sanzo did know that the trial Goku had gone through just made the saru stronger.

Lifting his hand, Sanzo reached into his robe and started to pull out what had driven Goku to wrestle with Gojyo for three hours and a half till the kappa was driven to the point where he couldn't even sit up without resting for a half hour or so. It was also what had made Goku kick Hakkai in the stomach and tie his hands up with rope, along the way being very apologetic. In fact the monk saw both of them coming up the hill now.

Sanzo raised an eyebrow at them both. "What did he do to the two of you?" 

Holding his stomach, Hakkai grinned weakly. "Ahaha…" 

Gojyo slumped to the ground, panting. "Shit… that… saru… packs… a… punch…!!" 

Sanzo rolled his eyes and drew out the cause of all their problems.

In the background, he heard Hakkai softly pat Goku on the shoulder. 

"You're doing the right thing, Goku. One more of those and you would definitely have spent three days in bed for indigestion. It's just not normal for you to eat so many for breakfast." 

The blubbering that followed made Gojyo look wearily at Sanzo. 

"Just THROW the damn thing away, will you?"

Without another word, Sanzo reared back and flung the nikuman as far as he could.

**The End.**

_********_

_Imaginator: _*laughs* What? You thought this was serious?!

_YunCyn_: *howls in laughter* Woo!

_Muse #1_: You girls are sick. You know that? SICK!

_YunCyn: _*exchanges glances with Imaginator* Muse punishment time?

_Imaginator_: Tis' way overdue. *hefts baseball bat*

_Muse #2_: Oh, you HAD to open your big mouth didn't you?!

_Muse #1_: Quit complaining and RUN! 


	25. Sanzo's becoming more erratic nowadays

**Mood Swings or perhaps, Something Else?**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn: _*hums as she puts up decorations* 

_Imaginator: _Muse #2! Bring those banners over here!

_Muse #2: _*grumbles slightly* I don't see the point of making such a big fuss over this.

_YunCyn: _Whaddhaya mean you don't see the point?! It's our **25th **scene! The big two five!

_Imaginator_: Sou da yo! Now stop grumbling and get those banners up there!

_Muse #2: _*siiiiigh* Haaai...

_Muse #4_: Ano... where does the food go?

_Imaginator_: Over on that table there. ^__^ Arigato ne.

_Muse #4_: My pleasure. *goes off*

_Imaginator_: *swoons*

_YunCyn_: *sweatdrop* *to readers* As you can see, we have decided to reel in two more muses now respectively known as Muse #3 and Muse #4. And judging by Im's reactions... Muse #4 is bishounen material. ^^;;

_Muse #3_: What about me?!

_YunCyn_: *sweatdrops* You've got a foot in a bucket and you're asking me whether you're bishounen. 

_Muse #3_: T___T Hidei...

_YunCyn_: *sweatdrop* By the way, has anyone seen Muse #1?

Muse #4: I thought I saw him sneaking out the back door just now.

_YunCyn_: WHAT?! He was supposed to tack the decorations up!! That lil-

_Muse #2_: *dryly* Probably ran off with his girlfriend. After all, he hasn't seen her in what? Two hours?

_YunCyn_: *sweatdrops* Honestly, that muse...

_Muse #3_: *carrying a tray of appetizers* *whistling when he suddenly trips over the ladder causing YunCyn to fall....*

To Be Continued... AFTER our 25th Scene!! ^__^

**Disclaimer: **After 25 scenes, you'd think we wouldn't have to do this. 

Ah, heck. Better than getting sued...

Saiyuki doesn't belong to anyone but Kazuya Minekura. T__T

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

** *BANG!* **

A door slammed, jolting the whole inn off its foundation and from the calm state it was in only a few moments earlier. 

Hakkai, unsurprised by the commotion, looked up calmly as Sanzo stomped into the room and flung the bags he was holding to the other side of the room (literally), an ever-ready Hakkai-smile already spreading across his face. "Had a good time shopping?" 

"Mind your own bloody business." Hakkai's smile grew wider as the obviously-irate monk, having done what he had to do, made for the door, as pissed off as he was when he came in. At he yanked the door open, Hakkai noticed, with a slight air of curiosity, the small, black packet the monk was clutching in his hands. 

"Ne, Sanzo?" 

"What?" 

"What's that you're holding?" 

The scowl on Sanzo's face was so deep it was almost crater-like. "Keep your infernal nose out of my business." 

"Hai…." 

***SLAM!!***...***CRASH***

Hakkai couldn't help sweatdropping as the door, apparently unable to stand abuse of any sort, fell off its hinges in the wake of a very wrathful Sanzo. 

And the inn was not peaceful again that night. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The next day…. 

Gojyo and Goku eyed Sanzo as one would a very dangerous live fuse. 

The monk had been scowling all day. That was NOT good. 

Sanzo was in a bad mood. 

**DEFINITELY** not good at all. 

Gojyo yelped and ducked hastily as for the fiftieth time that day, the harisen came swinging in his direction for absolutely no reason at all. "SANZO!!!! This is insane!!!" 

Goku, already in hiding behind Sanzo's seat couldn't help but agree. "Sanzo! We haven't even uttered a SINGLE WORD all day yet!..." 

***PHUACK!!!!* **Goku froze in terror as Sanzo's harisen miraculously came within inches of making him swatted monkey and hit instead the back seat. 

"THEN LET IT @#!*&~$ STAY THAT WAY!!!!!!" 

Hakkai looked at the hunched over, on-the-verge-of-erupting monk in concern. "Sanzo, it's not good to frown like that, Is there something bothering-" 

***PWUAP!!!!*** Hakkai automatically crouched over to avoid the ragged, abused harisen, making a 390 degree turn in doing so. "Sanzo!" 

"**STAY THE FRIGGING HELL OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!!!** (One could almost see the steam coming out of his ears like an express train on high.) 

Goku peered over at Sanzo, who looked like Mount. Honolulu on an erupting rampage. The monk's face was red and scary enough to stop baby birds in their tracks, his arms folded across his chest in a strained, trembling position, his eyes dangerously shaded. 

In short, Sanzo was a time bomb just_ waiting_ to explode, probably taking the whole of Togenkyo with him. 

It was just a matter of time to see who'd be the one to push that button. 

Naturally, Gojyo, being Gojyo, couldn't just sit quietly and play safe. 

"Now LOOK, you trigger-happy unholy monk, **I **ain't gonna stand for you hitting me **FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!!!!** Let go of me Hakkai - ANY more of that and -Shove off, saru!- I can promise you NO MORE Mr. Nice Guy….." 

***BLAM* BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* **

Not too far away, Kougaiji's brow creased as he looked around, trying to find the source of the disturbing sound that sounded like a cross of someone swearing epithets and gunshots. "Did any of you hear that?" 

He was met with blank looks. Apparently, they were too engrossed in their current occupation: tracking the Sanzo-ikkou to pay any attention to foreign sounds. Kougaiji frowned slightly then shrugged his shoulders and continued walking, unaware of his extremely good luck that they were nowhere close to their quarry. 

~*~*~*~ 

Hakkai stroked Hakuryuu gently as he watched an enraged Sanzo chase his 'disciples' around their rest house for the night, putting the fear of God into every resident of the unfortunate place. 

He too couldn't help wondering what it was keeping Sanzo in his foul mood. Usually at this time of night, he'd be grunting irritably and turning in early to avoid the rare devout-followers-of-the-Sanzos, with a few scathing remarks at both Goku and Gojyo. 

Not running after them at the break-neck speed of light, screaming for their blood. Especially when all Goku had done was innocently comment that his sutra was slightly crooked on one shoulder. Even Hakkai had been slight more than surprised when Sanzo had yelled swear words unfit for children's ears and sprung up, harisen already out and geared. 

As Hakkai began looking around for the bottle of sake he had asked Sanzo to buy for him at the last town (Goodness knows, he might have drunk it already), he realized that the shopping bags were still with Sanzo. 

Making his way over to where Sanzo had chucked his stuff, his fingers faltered for one brief moment. After all, he WAS going through the monk's personal stuff and Sanzo WAS a very, very private person. If he should come in and catch Hakkai in the middle of the deed…Hakkai shuddered, not wanting to finish that thought. 

On the other hand, he was just looking for his belongings, he reasoned with himself. After all, what could Sanzo own that the others already didn't know about? Reminding himself to only pull out the bottle of sake, Hakkai reached into the bag… 

And pulled out something that was not bottle-like in the least, much less related to sake. Blinking in confusion, he realized that he was currently holding the small, cardboard packet Sanzo had been holding only the night before. Turning it over, he aimlessly read the inscription on it… 

And froze. 

And stared. 

And stared. 

And stared some more. 

Gojyo chose this moment to burst into the room, panting for dear life. "Stupid monk!!! *pant* We didn't- *gulps air* even DO-*wheeze* anything and- *gasp* what do we get?!" Seeing Hakkai's contorted and transfixed face, he frowned. "Hakkai, you know that god-forsaken bouzu will literally *wheeze* kill you if he finds you going through his-" His eyes caught the heading on the box. 

And he froze. 

And stared. 

And stared. 

And stared some more. (And wheeze a little). 

Then Goku dashed in, momentarily breaking the spell the miniscule packet had weaved upon both Hakkai's and Gojyo's consciousness. Seeing the dazed state his companions were in, Goku decided to skip the moans of how hungry he was and why Sanzo had gone mad and ask instead, "What's that you're holding, Hakkai?" 

Hakkai dropped the packet as if it was a red-hot coal just as Genjo Sanzo hoshi-sama presented himself at the doorway. Seeing the deathly stillness of the room, his eyes roamed and zoomed in on the packet on the ground. His eyes grew wide and his mouth opened, but no words issued forth. 

Gojyo, wishing to confirm his instinct, walked up to Sanzo (who was too stunned to react) and pulled the robe off one shoulder, revealing a white square patch on his upper arm. 

For a long moment, silence reigned supreme. Then Gojyo, in a very strangled tone, asked, 

"Sanzo…tell me, what are you doing with **NICOTINE PATCHES**???" 

… 

Then Goku asked, "Sanzo, what are nicotine patches?" 

~*~*~*~ 

"YOU **STUPID, GOD-FORSAKEN MONK!!!!** WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST **TELL US???" **

** *BLAM* **

"Ahahaha, Gojyo, I think it'd be better if we just keep on running…" 

** *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* **

"But, Sanzo!!! I don't even **KNOW **what a nicotine patch is!!!!" 

"**SHI NE!!!!!!!**" 

** *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* **

"But, Sanzo!..." 

***BLAM* BLAM* *BLAM* **

"**GO TO HELL!!!!!**" 

Somewhere high, high, just beyond where the eagle flies, Kanzeon Bosatsu smiled. 

It took THAT long for her lectures on early heart attacks and lung cancer to sink in. 

** The End.**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_YunCyn_: *on top of Muse #3* -____-## MUSE #3 NO BAKA!! Look what you did?!

_Muse #3_: Heavy...need air... get off...!! 

_YunCyn_: Grrr... *gets off*

_Imaginator_: *looks around, shaking head* Look at this mess! We'll never get it cleaned up in time!

_Muse #4_: *Helping fellow muse to his feet* Well, we can always order in...

_Muse #2_: No chance of that. Everyone's closed in honour of the 25th Scene.

_YunCyn_: *murderous look at Muse #3* Now WHAT?!

_Muse #1_: Tadaima.... *smirks* I KNEW it was a good idea to go visit-

_YunCyn_: YOU! WHERE HAVE yooou... is that food?!

_Muse #1_: A-re? *looks at the huge basket his hand* Oh, yeah, uh, she (Muse #2's girlfriend) said to give you guys this... not sure what she made though...

_Imaginator_: SUGE!! A whole pizza!! And chicken pie with dessert: ice-cream!!

_Muse #2:_ *whistles* Check that out, a whole bucket of chicken wings too... were you guys at a picnic or what?

_Muse #1_: Ahehe... sort of...

_Muse #3_: Well, what are we waiting for!? ITADAKIMASUUUU!!

_Plot Bunnies_: *munching on carrots*

_YunCynImaginator_, _Muses_: THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT TILL OUR 25TH SCENE!!!


	26. Now you've all seen EVERYTHING

**When Pigs Fly… uh, When The Moon Turns Green, Uh…**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: To make up for not updating for so long, we decided to give you double! ^_^

_Imaginator_: Double whammy!!

_YunCyn_: So, without any intro, pre-scene conversations, we'll skip straight to the scene, ne?

_Muses_: 0_o ...

_Bunnies_: ....

_YunCynImaginator_: ...WHAT?!

_Muses_: No... pre-scene.... conversa... *faints in unison*

_YunCynImaginator_: *sweatdrops*

A/N: ---------- = Where it's supposed to be double spaced. Since FF.Net is being a baka and not showing double spaces, this will have be the replacement. T_T Gomenasai!!

**Disclaimer: **If Kazuya-sensei sees what we've done to her characters, she'd probably kill us so we ain't sayin' nothin'.

~*~*~*~*~

"You've got to be kidding me."

"You talking to me or your eyes?"

"It CAN'T be happening."

An unintelligible mutter. "It IS happening. It's right in front of your eyes."

"Still, this is…is… _impossible._"

A new clearly offended voice entered the conversation. "And just WHAT is so impossible about it? It IS possible."

Stare.

The third voice growled. "Well, it's not like she has another head growing out of her neck…"

Another new voice entered, this time not annoyed and more soft spoken. "And she HAS grown into a very lovely young lady… sort of."

The first voice couldn't have been more shocked even if you struck him with three lightning bolts all at once. "Lovely young- LOVELY YOUNG- I can't even string the entire sentence together when referring to her!"

The second voice coughed and muttered rather audibly. "Um…. gotta agree with him on that one."

The third voice grew dangerously low. "**WATCH IT**."

"Gomen, gomen." Went the second voice hurriedly.

"Still… I never thought I'd live to see THIS happen!"

A new cheerful voice spoke up. "Well, you did say this would happen when pigs flew. And we DID happen to catch an airborne piglet yesterday afternoon…"

"For the three hundredth time, I was being SARCASTIC!!"

The cheerful fifth voice sweat dropped. He had no real reply to that since he was the one who had nursed the curious black piglet back to health. He tried a different approach. "Well, you ALSO said this would happen when the moon turned green and well…"

The soft-spoken voice fourth voice sweat dropped. "So the moon was made out of cheese…?"

"And yesterday seemed to be the expiration date…" replied the fifth voice, also sweat dropping.

"Will you two QUIT IT already!!" snapped the exasperated first voice.

The second voice commented to the third, very irritated voice, "Didn't you say this would also happen when the sky turned purple?"

Third voice groaned as everyone looked above them to see the colour of a morning glory. "Dammit, I was being sarcastic!"

First Voice rolled his eyes. "Pigs flying, moon turning green, sky turning purple… what's next? Hippos dancing bal-"

"DON'T SAY IT!!" cried Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth Voice simultaneously, a second too late.

"let?"

…

Third Voice's head began to throb as the huge mammal in a pink gauzy tutu pirouetted past his back.

"I didn't mean it! I SWEAR! It came out by accident!!" First Voice frantically spluttered in defense. It didn't stop Second Voice from slapping him on the head and naming him "Baka of the Century."

----------

"Ne… Hakkai-san?" went Fourth Voice a.k.a Yaone.

"Hai, Yaone-san?" replied Fifth Voice a.k.a Hakkai.

"Uh… I think they moved an inch."

----------

Hakkai's eyes went wide. And he stared at the two in front of him along with Yaone, First Voice Gojyo, Second Voice Dokugakuji and Third Voice Kougaiji. Somehow he couldn't stop yet another sweat drop sliding down the back of his head. He cleared his throat and proceeded to call out to the two opponents in front of him who was giving each other steely-eyed glares that seemed to be frying the space between them.

"…ano… Sanzo? Goku? Don't you think you better get a move on…?"

----------

"I will when the bakasaru does." Came the Sanzo's curt reply.

Goku smirked. "If I move, you'll take out that shourejyu and shoot me. I'm not as stupid as you think, namaguza bouzu!"

"Korosu."

"After you."

----------

Hakkai looked weakly at Yaone who nodded. She'd give it another try.

----------

"Ano…Lirin-sama…? D, don't you think you should stop them now…?"

"No way! It's too much fun!"

----------

Yaone looked weakly back at Hakkai who sighed. Kougaiji growled.

----------

"BAKA! We don't have TIME for this!!" yelled Kougaiji affectionately to his beloved sister.

"Biida! Who says!"

----------

The grinding of Kougaiji's teeth echoed as Gojyo palmed his forehead. "Bouzu! Saru! This isn't worth it!"

----------

"HEY!" went Lirin in indignation.

"Like HELL it's not!" replied Goku.

----------

"This is **RIDICULOUS**." Commented Dokugakuji.

----------

"Nandato?" said Sanzo dangerously, but still not wrenching his glare from Goku.

"What is THAT supposed to mean!?" yelled Lirin.

----------

Gojyo contemplated whacking his head against something. Dokugakuji was already doing that with his sword. Kougaiji seemed to be grinding his teeth so much he could spit out enamel. Hakkai and Yaone both sighed.

----------

"Kisama, you stole Lirin away from me!!" cried out Goku.

"Ch'! I never did. She came to me because you were pathetic." Replied Sanzo.

"LIAR! Lirin NEVER did that! She came to ME because of your attitude problems!"

"She loves me. Get over it."

"YOU get over it! She loves me!"

----------

There was no more contemplation needed. Gojyo started whamming his forehead against his shakujou. Kougaiji was now down to the gums. Hakkai and Yaone, paragons of patience and tolerance, groaned.

----------

While Lirin smiled. She, beautiful, elegant, Lirin was the object of a fight between a handsome monk and his equally handsome ward. She was the only one who could tear such a bond between a guardian and his charge. It was HER who had severed the loyalty between both. Oh, she did feel guilty. But she also felt an overwhelming sense of… power. After all, what other woman could say that she had Genjo Sanzo AND Son Goku fighting to have her? Ah, the curse of being so beautiful…

----------

**"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"**

----------

Eight heads shot out of their pillows all at once.

----------

Sanzo was beyond livid. _**THAT** BRAT- I was- THAT **BRAT**- I ACTUALLY was- THAT **BRAT**-_

Goku was disgusted. _**THAT** GIRL- I was- THAT **GIRL**- And there was **NO FOOD**- AND-_

Gojyo was repulsed. _The BOUZU and the SARU fighting for HER hand-_

Hakkai was bewildered. _Lirin, Sanzo, Goku and the moon made out of green cheese…?_

----------

Kougaiji was furious. _MY OWN SISTER and THOSE two-_

Dokugakuji was appalled. _The MONK and the SARU fighting for-_

Yaone was confused. _Lirin-sama, Sanzo-sama, Goku-san… and dancing hippos…?_

Lirin was aghast. _ME and the SARU and the BALDIE-_

----------

The mental assessments of eight individuals went as follows:

_What kind of SICK DREAM WAS THAT?!_

~*~*~*~

And up in Tenkai, while Jiroushin whacked his head against a wall, Kanzeon leaned back in her throne and cackled her butt off.

Dreams were SO much fun to manipulate.

**The End.**

~*~*~*~*~

_Imaginator_: Yes, we know. But trust me when I say that this was ALL YunCyn's fault. Completely and totally.

_YunCyn_: Ahahaha....

_Imaginator_: LIRIN. And "beautiful" .... No ONE could swallow that one. Honestly....

_YunCyn_: Oh, COME ON. This is Random Scenes! ANYTHING can happen!

_Imaginator_: There is only so far that the imagination can stretch, pal. This ain't within our region.

_YunCyn_: ^^;; I suppose...

_Muse #1_: I TOLD you this wasn't logical...

_Muse #3_: Not my fault this time. If it's anyone's fault, it's the rabbit's.

_Traitor_: ^__^


	27. Just when you thought it was all over

**Goku's Secret Weapon: The Sequel**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: Yes, I realize it has been a LOOOOOOOOOONG while since we've updated...

_Imaginator_: It ain't our fault Form Four loads this much homework onto it's poor victims (i.e us)

_YunCyn_: And also, we have an announcement. Since these pre-scene convos could actually have us BANNED from FF.Net (all gasp in horror), we shall have to omit them totally.

_Imaginator_: (sniff) That's right. No more wacky stuff happening before the scenes... no more muse whacking moments... (sobs)

_Muses_: (exchange looks) WOOOOHOOOOOO!!! HALLELUJAH!!

_YunCynImaginator_: (flaming aura) **WHAAAAT?!**

_Muses_: No more abusive pre-scene conversations!! (cheers in jubilation)

_Imaginator_: Yunnie... since this is the last time we'll do this... let's make it count.

_YunCyn: _Right you are, old pal.

_YunCynImaginator: _CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!

_Bunnies:_ (bows as crazy authors chase muses)

**Disclaimer: **Welcome to the standard insert disclaimer space. Insert your standard disclaimer that prevents Kazuya-sensei from suing you for using the Saiyuki characters in an unauthorized fanfic here. Thank you.

* * *

It was exactly eight o' clock at night.

Well, it could have been 7.59 or 8.01 but still that's not the point. The point is, it was nighttime.

.

And the nights of the Sanzo-ikkou were rarely peaceful.

.

**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

**SLASH! **

**BOOM! **

.

"_Mataku…_" commented Gojyo as he seemingly effortlessly cut through the youkai horde that had demanded Sanzo's kidney on a plate with ketchup. "Do they HAVE to pick such an inconvenient time to pick a fight with us?"

Hakkai chuckled as he blasted his adversaries away with his deadly spheres. "_Maa_, it wouldn't be the first time, would it?"

"Considering that their level of intelligence equals to that of a certain SARU who's been busy EATING!!" yelled Gojyo pointedly as he tossed a glare in a certain saru's direction.

With the amount of violence that was going on, it should have been an amazing thing to note that a full dining table complete with dishes of chicken, fish, vegetables and miscellaneous objects of consumption was still intact and steady, as if it'd been glued on. But it wasn't. Not when you were a part of the Sanzo-ikkou. Nevertheless, Goku was placidly sitting on a chair, slurping soup and munching rice. He looked up mournfully, eyes as sad as a basset hound's.

"But… I'm hungry…! And I'm still a growing BOY!" he said with large, sad, imploring eyes that would have fooled anyone.

.

Except Gojyo.

.

"You've had 500 years to grow!! Face it, dammit, you're _SHORT_!!"

.

Goku's lower lip quivered and his eyes grew even larger and sparklier. He started shoveling the food faster into his mouth.

.

"Now look what chomp! munch! you've made me do! gulp! crunch! Now I have to eat swallow! munch! more to compensate for my unhappiness!"

.

In spite of being in battle, three members of the Sanzo-ikkou face faulted in unison with a loud crash, causing three hapless youkai to miscalculate and slash each other to ribbons by mistake.

.

"A… very effective diversionary tactic though…" commented Hakkai with a cheery smile as he lifted his face from the ground.

"Stuff it, Hakkai." Growled Sanzo as he and Gojyo got to their feet.

Resigning themselves to the fact that Goku wasn't about to exercise pest control with them, the rest just continued fighting. While the youngest member of the Sanzo-ikkou just continued chomping, slurping and munching on whatever was left on the table.

Unfortunately for the youkai who weren't so well acquainted with the habits of the famous Sanzo-ikkou, they decided that hey, since that guy's busy eating shouldn't he be vulnerable and thus easy kill? Besides, it was an insult to them since that short guy wasn't taking them seriously enough to come out and kick their butts. So, one unfortunate youkai decided to play hero.

Jumping up high, he landed heavily right on to the dining table, making the beer spill and several plates of food fall to the ground.

.

And his foot landed right into Goku's target of attack: the fried chicken slices.

.

There was a pause.

.

Then a moment of silence as Gojyo and Hakkai shook their heads sadly. Not even youkai like these deserved to die like that. Sanzo just calmly put some bullets in some other youkai.

.

"…MY FRIED CHICKEN!!!! MY… MY… CHICKEN!!" Goku looked up and glared at the youkai who was now wondering if this had really been the best decision to make. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!! **NYOIBOU!!**"

.

Hakkai and Gojyo sweat dropped at what came next.

.

**THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! **

.

Goku was whacking the youkai to death, the Nyoibou relentlessly flying up and down without pausing.

.

"A…ano… Goku? I, I really think that's enough… I think he's dead…"

"Really, _really_, dead…" added Gojyo with a slight grimace. "Ooh…"

Goku seemed to take the hint. As fast as he'd produced the nyoibou, the boy was back to eating what remained of dinner. Which wasn't much to be honest.

.

Respective sweat drops emerged.

.

"… I will NEVER understand that guy."

Hakkai smiled, the sweat drop still hanging from his head. "I don't think you should even try, Gojyo…"

.

.

It was after this that IT happened.

.

.

A youkai, apparently being thrown through mid-air, flew right in the direction of the busily eating Goku.

One swing of his arm was all it took to take care of that particular enemy and put it out of commission permanently.

.

**POKE!**

.

You could practically see the same thought run through the Sanzo-ikkou's minds.

.

…_this sounds familiar. _

.

After that, everything started to move in slow motion as Goku's golden eyes widened. A look of enlightenment slowly lit his face and a glow of understanding and maturity came from within. It was as if he had suddenly understood the meaning of his life and the universe had suddenly opened up its most hidden secrets to him. It was a magical, most wonderful moment for him.

.

ON the other hand…

.

Hakkai, Gojyo and Sanzo froze and stared, all equally apprehensive of what was to come next. They exchanged glances.

.

"Ma…masaka…" said Hakkai, trying to be optimistic. The expressions on Gojyo and Sanzo's faces showed that they weren't convinced that something good was going to come out of this. Not one bit.

.

The youkai stared at the unmoving Sanzo-ikkou and wondered what the heck was going on. But since they weren't moving, might as well just stand still and watch what happens, right?

.

Goku got to his feet, face shining and body ramrod straight. He slowly raised his arm and gazed at his clenched fist almost reverently.

.

Everyone wondered what could be so fascinating about his fist.

.

Almost everyone. Three others looked at one other, one thought in each mind.

.

Several heartbeats skipped before Goku called out triumphantly something to which half the youkai started laughing and the other half began sweat dropping.

.

Three men weren't doing anything of the sort. Because one thing had become devastatingly clear.

.

.

.

.

"**NYOOOI-CHOPSTICKS!!!" **

.

.

.

.

The chopsticks were **BACK. **

.

.

With a vengeance.

.

* * *

.

Sanzo sat in a room, quietly facing the window. An ashtray, half full, sat on the table he was sitting by and cigarette smoke permeated the air. A quiet glare graced the monk's face, a sign that he was thinking, that his thoughts weren't on the cigarette he was smoking at the moment.

.

His mind wasn't at Kinzan Temple 10 years ago. It wasn't with his smiling, calm master who had taught him everything he knew. It wasn't even figuring out ways to murder Gojyo and Goku without the Three Aspects finding out.

.

It was with the past battles they'd been through where Goku's chopsticks were being made painfully conspicuous. Like a bad sequel of an equally bad horror movie, the usage of Goku's chopsticks was now accompanied with Goku yelling that his chopsticks would deliver justice and truth.

.

And good food.

.

The door creaked open behind him.

.

Sanzo didn't turn around or bat an eyelid. "You're late."

Hakkai chuckled. "_Gomenasai demo… _it's rather difficult to sneak out without Goku noticing." Gojyo didn't miss Hakkai's crossed fingers behind the green-eyed healer's back.

Truth was, Hakkai and Gojyo just didn't have the heart to sneak out and leave Goku in the state he was in – staring half dazedly at his newly acquired weapon. One stick with 'Go' and the other with 'Ku' was already written on it in black permanent marker. They'd had to wait till he fell asleep, hugging the chopsticks tightly to his chest.

Gojyo got straight to the point as he took a seat. "So? What've you called us here for?"

Sanzo deigned to turn around and face the other two. "You know damn well why."

Hakkai smiled as he sat on another chair by the table. "Sou da na…"

Gojyo snorted. "We all know that your PET-"

"He's NOT my pet."

"The BAKASARU," continued Gojyo without missing a beat. "Has been putting us to SHAME for the past five days. I've got a feeling someone up there doesn't like us very much."

"You mean, one _kuso baba_…" muttered Sanzo. "is enjoying herself at our expense."

(Kanzeon: I am NOT an old hag! And damn right I'm enjoying myself!)

"So, at all costs and no matter what it takes, we need to get rid of those chopsticks once and for all!" declared Gojyo vehemently and with much feeling.

Then, Hakkai put into voice the million-dollar question on everyone's minds.

.

"But how?"

.

Several minutes of tense silence followed as all three pondered several methods of chopstick extermination. Including killing the saru, gagging the saru or just breaking the chopsticks into half. Again. The idea where they threw the saru into a well and broke all the chopsticks they could find in the meantime sounded good in theory but was soon rejected. Where would they get a well in the first place?

.

Then…

.

Sanzo suddenly smirked.

.

It was enough to send Gojyo edging towards the door. Hakkai, being of stronger constitution than his redheaded friend just started sweating profusely and nervously.

.

"San…zo?"

"You know that old saying?"

Gojyo came nearer since he realized that the smirk wasn't directed at him. He puzzled his brains about any old sayings he'd heard last time.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

.

**THWAP!**

.

"OI!"

"Baka." Growled Sanzo, retrieving the paper fan. "The one that goes 'Fight fire with fire'." Sanzo paused to let that sink into the minds of his cohorts.

As he expected, two smiles (feral in nature) grew on both Gojyo and Hakkai's faces.

Had anyone been there at the time, they'd have gone into catatonic shock seeing Gojyo, Hakkai and Sanzo smirking in such a manner that they looked like cats with canary feathers poking out of their mouths.

"So that's the way it's gotta be, huh…?" murmured Gojyo, the smirk not leaving his face.

"…wouldn't it be more accurate to fight fire with water?" pondered Hakkai, one finger to his chin.

.

Sanzo and Gojyo **_GLARED. _**

.__

"Uh… never mind…"

"So? When do we start?"

Sanzo's eyes _glinted _as he put out his cigarette ominously.

"We start…

.

Tomorrow."

.

* * *

.

"GENJO SANZO! We're here for the sutra! Surrender or DIE in the most horrible way ever known to man!"

.

Gojyo snorted. He and the saru had already come across over three hundred of the most horrible ways to die ever known to man or youkai. And it all came from one trigger-happy monk sitting in the front seat with a very clear aim. Nevertheless, he wasn't about to release that information as everyone dutifully got out of the jeep and gave Hakuryu enough time to morph back into a dragon and fly safely away.

.

Goku grinned in expectation of much fun. He'd turned much more vocal since he'd gotten his new weapon. "PREPARE TO GET YOUR BUTTS KICKED!!"

.

"**NYOOOOI-CHOPSTICKS!!" **

**. **

Youkai stared as Goku twirled the twin sticks in one hand. Was he** serious**?

As Goku got to work, blinding youkai, the saru blinked.

.

He could have SWORN he saw the rest of his companions exchange glances and SMILE secretively.

.

_Must be a trick of the light..._

.

Gojyo sighed by the side as a bunch of youkai surrounded him. "For the saru… for the sake of my image… I gotta be THIS uncool. Ah, well…"

.

He held out one hand.

.

.

.

"**SHAKU-FORK!" **

.

.

.

Goku expectedly face faulted as he was about to jam a chopstick in an eye socket. "NANI?!" He got to his feet and spun round.

.

.

And stared at Gojyo dexterously and nonchalantly twirling a silver DINNER FORK between his fingers before plunging the pronged end into the general direction of a youkai's heart. After doing so, he pulled out the bloodstained fork and started twirling again. (Heck, if he had to use a FORK, he was gonna use it with STYLE, dammit.)

.

.

Goku stirred himself enough to turn wildly enough to yell at Hakkai that Gojyo had finally snapped.

.

And stared.

.

.

.

At Hakkai who was happily and very efficiently beating youkai over the head with a silver DINNER SPOON.

.

.

.

Goku blinked and rubbed his eyes.

.

Still a dinner spoon.

.

He rubbed them some more.

.

Dinner spoon.

.

Harder rubbing ensued.

.

AHA! It WASN'T a dinner spoon.

.

.

It was a SOUP SPOON!

.

.

…

.

.

A SOUP SPOON?!

.

.

Goku really thought he was losing it when he remembered something.

.

.

Sanzo.

.

He could always count on SANZO to be a beacon of stability in a world of chaos and insanity. Plus, he might just be able to beat Gojyo and Hakkai back to normal with the harisen. Good old Sanzo wouldn't change, right?

.

.

_THWAP!_

.

.

Ice water ran through Goku's veins. _NO… _It couldn't be!

.

He turned.

.

IT WAS!

.

.

Genjo Sanzo, 31st generation of the protectors of the sutras and highly respected through the enlightened world was brandishing…

.

.

A table napkin.

.

A _paper_ table napkin.

.

(And what a deadly paper table napkin it was too! Five youkais in five seconds!

Authoresses: Wish WE could learn the deadly martial art of table napkins…

Sanzo: **URUSEI**.)

.

.

While Gojyo was stabbing and Hakkai was beating, Sanzo was…

.

Slapping.

.

The paper napkin (or serviette if you want to get technical) gave really mean paper cuts. Mean enough to blind a youkai before the very same napkin whacked them. And apparently it was an EXORCISING napkin as well since the youkai dissolved instantly into molecules. (For those who've seen Saiyuki Reload Episode 8, you KNOW this is completely possible)

.

Goku stared all around him.

.

.

Had the whole world gone CRAZY while he had been SLEEPING?!

.

.

Another stab, another beating…

.

Another slapping and whacking.

.

.

The possibility was all too real.

.

.

Goku's train of thought was derailed as the sound of Gojyo stabbing a body with the… shaku-fork came from behind him.

.

"SARU! STOP DAYDREAMING AND START FIGHTING!"

.

Goku decided to save his rightful confusion for later.

.

Meanwhile, he had a few youkai to exterminate.

.

**POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE! POKE!**

.

* * *

After everything was over…

.

Goku stormed up to his companions, filled with righteous confused anger.

"WHADDHAYA MEAN BY FIGHTING WITH A FORK-"

"A shaku-fork," corrected Gojyo with a slight grin.

"A SPOON AND A… A…" Goku couldn't even bring himself to say the words.

"A paper napkin." Said ever-helpful Hakkai. "And it's a soup spoon to be exact. Please get it right, ne?"

Goku was choking on his words more than he had ever done in his entire life. Literally. His guardian raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with you, saru?"

Goku turned and stared at Sanzo like he'd grown a second head. "B, but… b, b, but… b, b, but…"

Sanzo kept his eyebrow raised then turned and headed for Hakuryu who had changed back into their trusty jeep. "Ikuzo."

Hakkai and Gojyo dutifully followed, Gojyo commenting on how easy that had been with Hakkai chuckling in reply.

And Goku followed, shocked to the core.

"B, but… b, b, b, but… b, b, b, b, but…"

* * *

"Iin desu ka, Sanzo? Goku looked awfully upset…"

"I'm just surprised he hasn't broken down yet."

"Gojyo, that's not nice…"

"True, ain't it?"

"Sanzo…?"

"Leave him."

"Hai…"

* * *

.

As it were, Goku's defenses weren't as strong as his three companions.

.

He cracked two days after the emergence of the shaku-fork, the ki-spoon and the youkai exorcising napkin. The sight of Sanzo slapping another hapless youkai with his napkin and then folding the napkin into the most dreaded weapon known to Togenkyo: the harisen, was all too much for his saru brain.

.

"ALRIGHT!! ALRIGHT!!" cried Goku as he slumped to the ground on his knees. "I GET IT ALREADY!!"

.

The last of the youkai eradicated, Gojyo, Hakkai and Sanzo gathered round the distraught boy. Hakkai knelt and placed a hand on Goku's shoulder rather sympathetically.

.

"Wakatta yo…!" sobbed Goku. "I get what you guys are trying to tell me!"

.

The three elder members of the Sanzo-ikkou let out small sighs of relief. So, the boy finally understood the purpose of them using tableware for weapons the past days.

.

.

.

.

"YOU WANT ME TO USE A DINNER KNIFE TO COMPLETE THE SET, DON'T YOU?!" wailed Goku plaintively.

.

.

.

.

It would come to no surprise that all three elder members of the Sanzo-ikkou toppled over in a simultaneous face fault.

.

"I KNEW we should've thrown him down a well…" muttered Gojyo darkly as he got up from the dirt ground.

Hakkai had one of those yare-yare-desu-ne smiles on his face as he sat back up. "Maa… that wasn't the point we were trying to make, Goku…"

Sanzo had his face in one palm, trying to remember if Koumyou had taught him any chants that calmed one down enough to prevent unnecessary murder. It wouldn't do to dirty his robes with blood when there wasn't a river nearby to wash it.

.

However, Koumyou had never predicted Goku. Sanzo felt his blood pressure rise with every second.

.

Gojyo was at the edge of grabbing Goku by the shoulders and shaking him. "That's not the point, you dumbass monkey!! We used all that idiotic stuff to make you see how STUPID **YOU** look when you use those damn chopsticks!!"

Goku looked shocked. "You, you don't MEAN that!!"

"We DAMN well do, you stupid monkey boy! Even YOU couldn't stand it, right?!"

"D, datte-!" The boy looked desperately at Hakkai for help. "Hakkai…!! Say it ain't so!"

Hakkai was at a loss. In the end though, he nodded helplessly. "I'm afraid so, Goku… the chopsticks…"

.

"**Must GO.**" Finished Sanzo in a voice of steel.

.

Goku looked up at his guardian, lower lip trembling. Sanzo glared back, purple eyes giving no room for argument or pity.

This staring contest continued for a minute before Goku caved in. With a stifled sob, he held up his chopsticks. In one smooth motion, Sanzo snatched the sticks, broke it into half and flung them as far away as humanly possible.

"Come on, Goku… you know it's all for the best…" murmured Hakkai as he patted Goku's shoulder comfortingly.

Goku sniffled. "I'll… sniff be okay…" He trudged to a waiting Jippu. Behind him, Gojyo, Sanzo and Hakkai exchanged looks that said it all.

.

.

The chopsticks had **died**.

.

.

Finally.

.

.

**The End**.

.

.

Goku popped his head up and spoke in a small teensy voice. "But… can't I just use the dinner knife then…?"

.

.

"**_NO!_**"

.

.

**The REAL End. **

* * *

_Imaginator: _(snickers) I love the last bit.

_YunCyn_: You're not the only one! (snigger)

_Imaginator_: Ah, but the mirth has come to an end. For this will be our last post-scene convo as well. Parting is such sweet sorrow...

_YunCyn_: (sniff) We failed to mention earlier that for the next two weeks will be exams, exams, exams...

_Imaginator_: (shakes head) Please, wish us luck, minna! And to those who are having exams as well, the best of luck to all of you!

_YunCyn_: I'm gonna fail...!

_Imaginator_: Well, that means we gotta go hit the books.

_YunCyn_: picks up sledgehammer Literally.

_YunCynImaginator_: Jaa ne!! (runs off)

_Muses_: (bound and gagged) **MMMPRGH!!**


	28. The real victim here's actually Hakuryu

_YunCynImaginator_: TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIMAAAAA!!!

_Muses_: Oy vey...

_YunCyn_: We are VERY sorry for the ultra, super, hyper, mega long disappearance from the fanfiction scene...

_Imaginator_: We COULD say that we were really, really busy with school work and homework and whatnot...

_YunCyn_: Truth was, we were dry outta ideas. (nervous chuckle)

_Imaginator_: (sweatdrop) In any case! We present to you with another scene for your reading pleasure.

_Muses_: (grumble) What reading pleasure? First draft was full of spelling mistakes, second one was chock full of grammatical errors, THIRD draft was- MMPH!

_YunCynImaginator_: Enjoy the scene!! (glares at Muses)

_Muses_: (start trembling violently)  
.

**Disclaimer**: Yes, we ALL know who Saiyuki belongs to. Namely not us.  
.

**Direction-Blind **

**By: YunCynImaginator**

* * *

It was a splendidly clear day, one of those times of year when one would inhale the fresh, clean air and be grateful to be alive in the world. The misty dew drops of the night before still hung pendulously upon the forest like fairy lights, casting sparkling miniature rainbows reflections along the dirt-wearied paths. In every tree sweet birdsong rose and filled the air with trills and carousels, singing the very joy of life itself and transcending an earthly calm not known since…

.

Well, since the Sanzo-ikkou came along.

.

(Abruptly, said birdsong croaks and dies)

.

The cool, playful breeze wafted from unseen oceans stirred lightly the heavy boughs of the old sentinels of the woods, indulging gently the whims of the wind, seeing from their great heights the sun-kissed villages a distance away (among some, which had, sadly, been reduced to rubble) and a green, green marsh from which a pure white heron emerged and spread its majestic wings against the brightening skyline as if to scrape the last remnants of stars from the sky.

.

(**BAM**!!! The heron squawks and plummets back down as a triumphant shout of "_I'VE GOT 'IM!!!"_ resounds.)

.

In the twilight dusk of the not-yet morn, a falcon cry is heard as a swift shape darts into the brush and neatly pulls out of the nadir of its dive, a still form clutched within its powerful talons as it soared off.

.

(A tiny voice, somewhere within the thick canopy of the trees howl, "**_THIEF_**_!! BRING 'IM BACK HERE!!! YOU-_" followed by choice unmentionables which, due to PG-ness and sensitive ears, will be very politely censored.

.

In lieu of reply, the falcon swerves, flies back to hover over the hunter's head, aims and….splat! Bullseye.)

.

Anyway, back to the flowing narration….

.

(_Random Reader_: (pissed) Exactly what are you guys doing, writing all these big, unpronounceable words that have **NO RELEVANCE **at all with the story???

_Imaginator_: It does TOO relate!! We're just describing just how perfect the day was for the Sanzo-ikkou, dammit!

_Random Reader_: OK, we now know the sun is shining, the sky is blue and some heron we can't even identify with is dead. And a hunter got doused with bird poo. _Can we move on now???_

_YunCyn_: We ARE!!!! If you hadn't interrupted us, we'd probably be in the middle of the scene already!!

_Random Reader_: You mean, after all this crap, this isn't even the _middle_?!?!?

_Author(esses_): (together) Of course not!!!!

_Random Reader groans, stuffs a sock in his mouth and retires._)

.

ANYWAY…

.

Between the filtered shadows of the leaves and occasional tendrils of light was a Jeep the hue of the lush forest around it, chugging contently along the gravelly track. The green-eyed, green-clothed mild-mannered man-cum-youkai behind the wheel was driving with one hand whilst marking landmarks of their travels on one very large, very detailed roadmap courtesy of the last town they were in. Unfortunately, their stay there had to be cut short when a typical bunch of senseless, brainless and utterly graceless youkai had gate-crashed the guesthouse, with more in mind than just a night's stay. In other words, your basic crash-smash-trash-bash-mash-Sanzo-and-steal-his-freaking-sutra youkai. (read: stereotypical prototypes.)

.

At any rate, Jeep had driven off into the morning, with a hoard of very, very pissed off (and _that's_ putting it lightly) villagers, screaming for their blood, the ruins of another wrecked town behind them. Hakkai made a mental note and added it to the ever-growing heap of 'Towns Not to Pass on the Way Home'. Really, it wouldn't do to return victorious from tromping Gyokumen's ass only to be assassinated by revenge-driven townspeople.

.

**SWWWEEEEE….._CHHHHHH!!!!_**

.

Jeep halted, centimeters away from a tree, unceremoniously hurling his passengers to the front against the windscreen and various seats. Again.

.

"Hakkai!!!! That was the _fifth_ tree this hour that you have only -just- missed today!!!! Stop looking at that stupid map and watch the bloody road for once, dammit!!!!"

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"Gomenasai…" Using a fine black pen, Hakkai carefully marked a little 'X' on that particular region of the map, labeling '309675th tree almost crashed into on journey' besides the neat label of '45637th tree actually hit'.

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From behind came a dying groan. "Harahetta, harahetta, harahetta……Hakkai, how much longer to the next town? I'm dying of hunger already…"

.

"Have patience, Goku; we're very close already." Smiling cheerfully, "I think I can promise you a roof to sleep under tonight, Sanzo."

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"Hnh."

.

Sanzo took a long drag of his cigarette, his mind disturbed by a nagging thought at the back of his head. Some thing was not quite _right_ with this picture. His eyes scanned the trees scope, the horizon, the map obscuring the windscreen, painstakingly being marked by diligent Hakkai.

.

A sixth sense he never knew he had was tingling like crazy, screaming and throwing tantrums on his consciousness. Irritably, he mentally-shot the mental-sense, resulting in a mental-**BANG**. It did nothing to improve his mood (mental-mood?).

.

Goku put into words what had been (mentally) shot to death in Sanzo's head. "It's so peaceful today, isn't it? No youkais, no mad mob, no rain…"

.

Exactly. That would have been a perfect cue for youkais to pop out of bushes and make a few death threats. But, as it was, there was nothing in sight but Hakkai's road map.

.

It _was_ peaceful. _Too_ peaceful. As Gojyo began to argue with Goku in the back at the top of their voices over another stupid, pointless subject, Sanzo divined various reasons for the non-emergence of the youkai:

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**A) All the youkais were on leave/holiday/whatever day they took off.**

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…Impossible. Gyokumen would never let her 'servants' off even to celebrate their own birthdays. Sanzo scratched that possibility.

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**B) All the youkais have dropped dead.**

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…Implausible. Just because it was. Sanzo scratched that too.

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**C) Gyumao had finally been awakened and all the youkais have been called back to base to witness this miracle.**

.

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Scratch, scratch, scratch…

.

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**D) All the youkais have assassinated Gyokumen and her merry men and are now planning to take over the federal government and over throw the Russian mafia -_and-_ take over the world. **

.

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…What the hell?!?!?

.

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**E) All the youkais were in hiding and were waiting to ambush them in a kill-Bill fest. **

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Finally, something rational that makes complete sense.

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A sudden rustle in a nearby bush caught his attention and put him on alert. Hakkai, still in the midst of mapping out their journey so far on the map was oblivious to it and the two idiots (he swatted them with his harisen absently) in the back were too busy yapping inanely stupid remarks about each other _to_ each other to notice.

Oh well. Nothing to worry about. At least it proved that everything was normal.

.

.

A scaly, greeny hand with razor-sharp claws (read: stereotypical youkai) appeared from within the leafy branches. A head, snarling with unprecedented glee peered out…

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Only to 'ack!', eyes bugging out as human hands (read: ours) clamped themselves around his neck and efficiently pulled him back into the bush.

.

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Sanzo could only stare. His eyes narrowed and he shot the bush once, twice for good measure, whacking Gojyo over the head as he muttered something about crackpot monks.

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No youkai body. He seemed to have vanished into thin air.

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Something was going on. Clear blue day. No clouds. No youkais. No invisible gaping cliffs or rickety old bridges. No scary doom-is-here-run-for-your-pathetic-lives orchestra playing at crescendo.

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Nothing but peace and boredom (excepting the squabbling at the back.)

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Perhaps it was one of those holidays he was so long overdue. One of those days when one can pass a day without being harassed or disturbed and just lie back and enjoy the view.

.

…

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Yeah right. And Goku could fly.

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That only left one possibility: There was something _else._ And it wasn't the youkais this time.

.

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It would be much, much _worse._

.

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(Death-and-doom-and-gloom-and-angst string assemble plays a few mournful notes before two irate authoresses push them out of the picture, muttering something about 'lousy timing'.)

.

But…what could worse than a horde of attacking youkai clones whose chief ambition in life is to play 'Mary had a Little Lamb' on your ribcage? (The reader is not, repeat: NOT to answer that question.)

.

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Just then, Hakkai, who had just finished charting their trail through Togenkyo on his map stared at it, blinking before sucking in a deep, deep breath and releasing it **_very_** slowly.

.

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"Ah, Sanzo..?" very, very nervously.

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"Hnh."

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"Err….you know we're on a journey to the _west_, right?"

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A low grunt. Hakkai gulped audibly before plowing on bravely.

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"Ah… well…you see, I think we've been going in the opposite direction."

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For a very long, _long_ while, there was no sound, not even the rumble of Jeep's engine (he'd stopped when Hakkai had hit upon this remarkable revelation) as everybody digested this new fact.

.

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Then, the impact of Hakkai's words hit home.

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"Y-you mean…" Goku's incredulous voice.

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"Hai."

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"All this time…we've been on a journey to the **_EAST_**?????"

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"That would seem to be the case."

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(Death-and-doom-and-gloom-and-angst string assemble is pushed back into picture. Looking slightly disoriented with the arrangements, they continue playing Beethoven's 'Prelude in G Minor'.)

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"S-sanzo? Are you OK?"

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Silence. More silence.

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Then the woods wilted visibly, sending birds shocked out of their very feathers flapping what was left of their wings out as a very, very (read: absolutely, completely, unbelievably) furious monk began to spout many, many colorful words inappropriate for any human ears, screaming for the hides of two authoresses and swearing to kill them on sight should he ever set eyes on them again whilst causing a hail of bullets to shower down on the forest.

.

..

Well, they should have brought compasses.

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.

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**The End.**

* * *

_YunCyn: _(dodges a whizzing bullet and shakes a fist at the monk) IT'S A RANDOM SCENE YOU TWIT!!!

_Imaginator: _YIPE!!! (ducks another flying bullet) STOP antagonizing him!!

_YunCyn: _Well, it's TRUE!! Random scenes involve situations such as the above!! ACK!! (narrowly jumps down and misses getting decapitated by another bullet)

_Imaginator_: OBVIOUSLY, THEY don't APPRECIATE that!! (remains on the ground and crawls to shelter) Gotta go!

_YunCyn_: Hope you enjoyed reading- AIIIEEE!! RUN!! **RUN**!!!


	29. There once was a monk and three youkai f...

_YunCyn_: Well, it's the holidays again.

_Imaginator:_ (grumbles) Well I for one don't see anything holiday-y about it. I've got, I don't know..._**A TON OF HOMEWORK???**_

_YunCyn:_ Serves you right. _WHO_ told you to go into science stream?

_Imaginator_: (_glares accusingly at muses_)

_Muse #1_: What? We did NOT so tell you to go to science stream!! Really!!

_Muse #2:_ Yeah! For once, we wash our hands clean of this matter!

_Muse #1_: Don't we always?

_Muse #2: _Indeed. (_both muses nod sagely_)

_YunCyn_: Shut up with the mutual admiration society already...the point is we've produced yet another stupid, pointless scene!

_Muse #2_: Full of error and mistakes, as usual...

_YunCyn: (ignoring Muse #2)_Thanks to taxing pressures from various teachers cough cough and much debate, we have produced something significantly tied to our studies.

_Muse #1_: In other words, obsolete. As usual.

_Imaginator_: Yunnie ol' pal...it's been some time hasn't it?

_YunCyn_: Yeah_...exchanges knowing glance with Imaginator_ I still have our Mallets of Doom right here collecting dust in a corner.

Imaginator: Good. Because I think it's high time we practice our stress-relieving technique known as...

_Yuncyn and Imaginator_: (in unison) _Muse discipline._

_(The Hammers of Doom simultaneously appear in both Yuncyn and Imaginator's hands)_

_Muse #1 and #2_: (exchange glances)

_Muse #2_: Do you think they'll give us a head start?

_YunCyn and Imaginator_: **DIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!....**

_(Plot bunnies wiggle their noses as their respective owners chase certain muses around )_

**Disclaimer**: Authors currently busy. You make your own assumptions.

**A/N**: Just a small rant so please indulge us here. There WERE supposed to be double spacing so as to make the story much more interesting. HOWEVER, the site seems to have gone cranky again and won't let us put in the double spaces. (humphs) Anyway, there's nothing to be done so... please bear with it until we find an alternative. Thanks, guys!

* * *

**Prose and Couplets**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

'Behind every rock, there lies trouble.'

Who was the wise philosopher who said that? Or perhaps it was from a Chinese Fortune Cookie. Or perhaps it was the famous last words of the captain of the doomed Flying Dutchman.

Oh, wait. That was "Scurvy me hearty, lads! She's going under!!"

At any rate, what a true saying it was.

For, as the Sanzo-ikkou wended their way into the next town, they were unaware of the large rock looming over their heads on the cliff overhanging their journey into the village.

No, the rock did not drop on their heads, squashing them flatter than pancakes. What WERE you thinking??? (And we thought we were sick.)

It was what that was _behind_ the rock that really would bring them trouble. As it lay there, in the sun, innocently resting prostrate on the rock, a sickly green mist began to seep out of it in puffs, convalescing together as it sunk to cover the unsuspecting Jeep as it rode into town.

Little did the Sanzo and his crew knew what calamity had just befallen them...

Sanzo woke up at the crack of dawn the next morning. Part of the reason he was up at that hour was because he wanted a moment of solitude to himself. Partly was because the idiots in the rooms next to his were making such a huge racket it was a wonder no one had complained.

Crouching by the window, he watched as the sun began to rise, all the while pointedly ignoring the noise. As the moment ended, he closed his eyes and prepared to fall back into Wink-a Bye-Bye Land...

Until a crash jolted him back up, causing him to whack his head on the windowsill. Rubbing his throbbing head, he glared at the wall as if he could somehow burn a hole through it to kill the two assholes who were, undoubtedly the cause behind all this.

Somehow, the wall managed to remain intact.

Growling, he stalked his way out, still dressed in his black undergarments...

We now take a moment to drool like fangirls. DROOOOOOOL....

...still dressed in his black undergarments as made he made his way next door. Dammit, he_ needed_ his sleep. Upon reaching the rest house the night before, he had made a beeline for the inviting futon and dozed off.

If that red-headed kappa and the equally stupid monkey think they could interrupt his rest and get away with it, he would have to remind them of a thing or two.

Kicking down the door, he found (not to his surprise), Gojyo and Goku yelling at the top of their voices, arms waving, jumping up and down. Typical Goku-Gojyo behavior. He raised his hand to deliver his infamous Sanzo 'Shut-the-frigging-Hell-Up' Whack...

And paused. Something didn't sound right. In fact...

Goku turned to see Sanzo. "Sanzo!!!"

"Sanzo!!!" Gojyo leaped at the monk and seized his...undergarments.

We pause to drool some more. DROOOOOOOOL...

"Sanzo!!! What the hell is going on??? Is this some kind of scam or con????"

Sanzo growled none-too-softly. "Get your filthy hands off me, or in your throat a bullet be." He shoved the tall half-youkai away...

And stopped.

Had he just rhymed???

It must have been a slip of his tongue. Or pure coincidence. He glared around and hoped no one noticed.

"Sanzo, Sanzo, hear me out!!! Tell me what this is about!!!" Goku grabbed at Sanzo, his hair messy, his eyes wild, "Since this morning broke I find, that I have seemed to lost my mind!!!"

"Every single word I utter, must be rhymed with another," added Gojyo, pacing around the room, his head in his hands, "I want a frigging explanation, for this stupid aggravation!!!"

"Will you two idiots just shut up??? And let go of me, you bloody pup." Sanzo couldn't help cringing at his own words. Pup???

Hakkai appeared in the doorway, also in his undershirt. (Actually, they were all in their undershirts, being too distraught to even think of dressing.)

DROOOOOOOOL...

"Hakkai, thank goodness you're here," Gojyo turned to face his comrade. "Our sanity's about to disappear."

"Do you know the cause of this? And give us all the basic gist?" All eyes turned towards Hakkai, usually calm and rational in all situations. Good ol' Hakkai, he'd know what to do.

But even Hakkai looked unusually grave. "I'm sorry to say I have no clue, about this affliction placed on you, And all of us, I think it be, the path had a trap none could see."

"How shall we, this problem, get to the core?" yelled Gojyo, literally tearing at his hair, "No girl will like me anymore!!!"

"Hakkai, drive us all back to, the place where happened this to-do," said Sanzo in a very, very dangerous tone. If he found out exactly who had placed this unbelievably bizarre curse on him...well, whoever it was better pray really, really hard that Sanzo never find him in this lifetime.

"I will comply with this at once-" Hakkai began to return to his room to put on his clothes...

"Will we be back in time for brunch?" broke in Goku hopefully. He quailed under two disbelieving glares and one very incredulous look. "Never mind. Let's rewind."

* * *

"I really cannot quite believe it, "Gojyo sighed in frustration, "I've searched every single bit. But not a single thing I find, to explain this thing, or such its kind." 

"And it's so hot under this sun," Goku slumped against Jeep, panting from his exertion. "To think this search's not half-begun."

Sanzo didn't say anything, but grimly scoured the nearby areas. He'd be damned if he had to read the mantras and prayers he was obligated to perform as Sanzo in rhyme. The very thought of it made him search all the harder.

Hakkai sighed. "At the rate that we are going, we'll be here till the next morning." He felt alongside the road, as if he could find something invisible lurking there.

Goku looked up from his weary search. "We've been here for an hour. Can't we go back and take a shower?"

"Not until the very time, I find the cause unto this rhyme, "Gojyo said grimly as he continued to sift through sand and shift stones. "Until then do I swear, to check each stone turned, each tree bare."

The hunt continued in relative silence, saved a few couplets now and then spouted by a disgruntled searcher. Then, Sanzo noticed a ledge leading to a ravine on the opposite side. He frowned; why hadn't he noticed this jutting cliff before? He made as if to approach it...

When three youkais sprung up from behind the huge rock sitting on the rocky cliff, sneering and leering. Sanzo took a step back, his eyes hardening.

"Hah!!! Genjo Sanzo hoshi-sama," one of them said, a glint of malice in his eyes, "Prepare to die!!!"

At that very moment, two thoughts ran through Sanzo's mind:

One: That was the lamest and most clichéd line he'd ever heard.

Two: If these three lowlifes were responsible for his current disability...they would pay _very_ dearly.

**BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!**

Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku all looked up as they registered the sharp report of Sanzo's gun just around the corner.

"That, I fear, was Sanzo's gun," said Hakkai, getting to his feet, "Let's us get there at a run, without attempting any pun."

"I knew Sanzo would get in trouble," grumbled Gojyo as he followed Hakkai, "That frigging monk was never subtle."

Upon reaching the site where Sanzo was shooting the crap out of the three youkais, they witnessed what would go down as one of the most embarrassing moments in Sanzo's life.

Now, Sanzo planned to keep at least one of those bloody culprits alive. After all, he needed to pressure him to release his bloody curse, didn't he?

So he thought he'd just use the sutra and make things a lot easier. Breathing in, he yelled, "MAKAI TENJO!!!!..."

Now, Sanzo, as we know, is not an avid talker. Rather he allowed his gun to talk on his behalf most of the time.

Perhaps this would explain the...lack of words he could conjure up to rhyme. And at this critical moment, Sanzo felt the irresistible pull of the curse to form a couplet with the words 'Makai Tenjo'. Frantically trying to recall a word, any word that rhymed with '-jo', he mindlessly hit upon the syllable 'ho'.

And so, what came out of Sanzo's mouth was:

"**MAKAI TENJO HOHOHOHO!!!!!**"

Goku dropped his Nyoibou, Gojyo stumbled, and Hakkai's ki ball zoomed through the place Gojyo's head had been. As one, they stared at the golden-haired monk.

_'Hohohoho'?????_

Sanzo regretted his choice of words the minute they came out. Forgetting his earlier plan of torturing a cure out of the youkais, he shot all three of them in the head, irritated by his slip up. As the sutra retreated back to its original form, he turned to go back...

Oh shit. They had seen it all.

Gojyo was pounding the ground, laughing hysterically, Goku doing the same on his left. Even Hakkai was trying his best to stifle his smile as he said, "That was rather a sight to see, as you dealt with those youkais three."

"'A sight to see' you say, to put it lightly," bawled Gojyo into the earth, tears of laughter running down the sides of his face, "Don't mind me if I find it rather funny!!!!"

"That was the funniest thing I've ever seen," wheezed Goku, rolling around on his stomach, "So see such again I'm rather keen!!"

**BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG**

Gojyo and Goku froze in place as smoking bullet holes outlined their body against the ground.

"If you two still want to blunder, I will shove you six feet under," said Sanzo in a dangerously low voice. Two little squeaks assured them they were mum as Sanzo stalked off to the cliff he had wanted to investigate earlier. Hakkai ran to catch up with him, followed by two still sniggering companions.

Then, it happened. As Sanzo neared the rock on the cliff, felt something lifting off him and swiveled on his heel, on his guard. Beside him and a few paces back, Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo were doing the same thing, looking bewildered and suspicious.

"What was that?" Goku was the first to ask.

"Goku! You're not rhyming!" Hakkai felt a smile crack across his face. "Minna, I think the curse has been lifted off us."

"Yes!!!!" Gojyo punched his fist in the air. "Sexy ladies, here I come again!!!"

Sanzo felt his own lips being tugged into a rare smile. Turning quickly as to not allow anyone to catch a glimpse of this miracle, his eyes glimpsed an object sitting on a hollow shelf in the rock. Walking towards it, he recognized it as a book. As he picked it up, the others gathered around him, and they stared at the book in silence.

Goku was the first to say something. "Ano, what is 'Shakespeare's Complete Works And Poetry'?"

**The End.**

* * *

_YunCyn:_ Hope you enjoyed that! GAH! (_takes a swing at Muse #1_) We'll (swipe) try our darnest (slash) best to update again ASAP! 

_Imaginator:_ Yeah!! (whap!) And by the way, check out or homepage, which is actually our (swing) blog! I know we don't ARGGHHH!! update often but then again, that's because (WHAP!) nobody ever reads it... YUNNIE!!!! _I'VE GOT HIM!!!!!_

_YunCyn:_ _THAT'S ME, YOU IMBECILIC BABOON!!!! GEROFF!!!_

_Imaginator:_ Oops..hehehe....out of touch?

_YunCyn:_ Never mind....just get 'em!!

_Muses #1 and #2_: REVIEWWWWWWWW.....................

**A/N II**: Happy Belated Merdeka to all Malaysians!!


	30. Roll out the red carpet! Or not

**Welcome Wagon. Not.**

**By: YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: This was inspired by scene 28.

_Imaginator_: (shakes head) You are hopeless, YunCyn.

_YunCyn_: What?! You gotta admit, it's entirely possible! Anyway, blame Traitor. HE'S my plot bunny.

_Imaginator_: (raises eyebrow at bunny as well as Muse #1) Muse #1, I hold you responsible for this as well.

_Muse #1_: What?! And after nearly a YEAR of working with you guys, I STILL don't get a name?!

_Muse #2_: Do bees make honey? Duh, we don't get names! They're too cheap to name us!

_YunCynImaginator_: You SERIOUSLY love getting punished, don't you?

_Muses_: (gulps and scurries away)

_YunCynImaginator_: We thought so.

**Disclaimer**: SERIOUSLY, guys, do we look like Kazuya-san? Then again, you've never seen us...

**A/N**: (slaps forehead) Double spacing, wherefore art thou...?!

* * *

"COME BACK HERE, YOU MISFITS!!!" 

"FIGHT LIKE MEN, KONO BAKAYARO!!!"

"YOU AIN'T GETTING AWAY WITH WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!"

"THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!! HURRY UP!!"

"**GET THEM!!!!!!**"

Eight dozen villagers echoed the bloodthirsty cheer with a loud roar. From their point of view, this was entirely justifiable.

As for the unfortunate people being chased by these eight dozen villagers, this was just bloody stupid.

Gojyo glanced back behind him, a mixture of confusion and annoyance on his face. "What the HELL are THEY complaining about?!"

"Ahaha…"

Goku held the same view as his red headed friend. "YEAH!! What've THEY got to complain about!? We're the ones who nearly got FRIED to death!!"

"Not to mention, nearly getting BEATEN to death by an out of control MONKEY!"

"HEY! YOU said the only way we could actually get that Gyumao guy back into his stone statue thingie was to take off my diadem!"

"Well, WHATEVER!! We nearly get FRIED, nearly get EATEN, nearly get turned into mindless ZOMBIES…!"

"Don't forget nearly get turned into little piles of ashes when we had to go through Kougaiji first…"

"Hakkai, I'm REALLY trying to forget that little episode."

"And we even got stuck into hundreds of DEATH TRAPS!! Iron spikes and falling cement beams and sliding floors and quicksand and snakes and-"

"AND we even had to go through mental torture when Mr. Makai-Tenjo-Psycho-I'm-So-Cool-Monk decided to take a NAP when he went up against Nii Jen'ii!!"

**BLAM!! **

"HEY!! WATCH IT WITH THAT THING!!"

"I didn't NEED you three to hover over me like some worried mother hens." Dead panned Sanzo as his feet pounded across the ground, keeping pace with the rest.

"I DID NO SUCH THING!!"

"Gojyo, you were the one moping about in Sanzo's room."

"Hakkai, YOU were the one moping about in the garden."

"I moped about in the room too!"

"Goku, shut up and run."

"WAAAAAAAAAIT a minute, WHY are we running?! Where's HAKURYU?!!"

"For once the saru has brains: Where IS he!?"

Hakkai looked at the dragon cuddled in the depths of his shirt and sweat dropped. "Ahaha… I'm afraid he's rather… incapable of turning into a jeep at the moment…"

"**WHY?!**"

"Do you remember when he suddenly fell down almost dead when we were fighting that horde of mutant youkai?"

"Remember? It's gonna haunt us for life."

"Youkai Hakkai… _kowaii._"

"Ahaha… sorry about that… but it seems that at that time, Hakuryu spent so much energy helping us fend the youkai off, he's too exhausted to turn back into a jeep again."

"Even after Yaone's treatment?!"

"Yaone-san's medicine did help but even she said it would take another week for Hakuryu to gain enough strength."

"ANOTHER WEEK?! I SAW HIM STEALING MY CHICKEN CUTLET YESTERDAY!!"

"Maa… I don't think he really wants to turn into a jeep now…"

"Why you lil'- We're being chased by a mob of angry villagers and you just SIT there?!!"

"Kyuu!"

"Don't KYUU me!!"

"Gojyo, please don't antagonize him any further…"

"AARGH!! They're getting CLOSER!!"

"mumble mumble mumble…"

"AAH!! S-Sanzo, NO!! They're just ordinary _ningen_!"

"Let him, Hakkai! Let him use the sutra!"

"Otherwise we're gonna be pitchfork and torches fodder!"

"……….. n, no! They're just ordinary people!"

"Hakkai, remove your hand from my face."

"Sorry."

Goku groaned. "What did we do to deserve this ANYWAY?!"

A short pause.

"Wrecking the inns while fighting youkai…" offered Gojyo.

"Destroying the restaurants while fighting youkai…" said Hakkai.

"Mowing down the towns and villages while fighting youkai…"

"Making several All-You-Can-Eat restaurants bankrupt…" said Gojyo pointedly looking at the shortest member of the group.

"Making a few young women mothers without marriage…" pointed out Hakkai with an eyebrow raised at a certain redhead.

"Insulting any temple elders we came across…" muttered Goku, gold eyes flicking to the golden haired guy running alongside them.

"Owing money all over the place thanks to overdue spending…" commented Sanzo, eyeing the other three in particular.

There was silence amongst the four as the list of misconducts seemed to grow. Behind them the growls, yells, shouts, roars and utter expressions of fury and rage seemed to grow with frustration since they couldn't catch up with the Sanzo-ikkou.

Sanzo broke the quiet with the best advice he'd ever given.

"**Run**. **Faster.**"

A green, orange, white and red blur zoomed far ahead of the angry mob.

That is until they suddenly discovered that the next village they were approaching also had another mob ready and waiting to take revenge on the Sanzo-ikkou for wrecking everything in sight and causing an untold amount of costs worth of damages.

Somehow, Sanzo had a feeling the Three Aspect's Gold Card wasn't going to cover this.

After all, they'd used it already for at least twelve other towns.

Gojyo put into words, the sentiments in the minds of his other comrades.

"We saved the bloody world and this is the thanks we get?!!"

**The End.**

* * *

_Imaginator_ SLIS, I apologize deeply for being incommunicado because for reasons unknown even to me, my computer keeps on crashing. (sweat drop) But I'll try her best to contact you as soon as my computer's fixed and up and running. (bows) Gomenasai!! 

_YunCyn_: I swear, her computer has one heck of a temper.

_Imaginator_: I keep telling you, it's just overloaded!

_YunCyn_: That and it doesn't really like you much.

_Imaginator_: (grumble) Fine, fine...

_YunCyn_: See you guys in the next scene! (waves)


	31. They are just that dumb

**The Routine of Trying To Assassinate Genjo Sanzo and Co.**

**By: YunCynImaginator **

_Imaginator_: Yes, we know, we know...

_YunCyn_: Where the heck have we been these past few... hundred months?

_Imaginator_: (sweat drop) It's true that we have been away for a LONG, LONG, extremely extended amount of time...

_YunCyn_: But we'll just give you the same old excuse.

_YunCynImaginator_: Exams.

_Imaginator_: That's right. Exams. But they're over now so guess what?

_YunCyn_: That's right!! We're BACK!!

_Muses: _(mutters)Like some nightmare you can't get rid of...

_YunCynImaginator: _(battle aura) **WHAT!?**

_Muses: _...enjoythestorygottagobye!!!

(Screams of muses being chased by gun toting Imaginator and saucepan wielding YunCyn)

**Disclaimer: **We can't even get our History facts right and you want us to own Saiyuki?

* * *

It is an infamous fact that somewhere in the west of a mystical land named Togenkyo, the revival of some monster demon was taking place and if left unchecked, this monster would most certainly wreak havoc upon the world.

-

Well, we can't have that.

-

It's also another infamous fact that a certain party of four guys who have absolutely nothing in common and would love nothing more than to rip each other to pieces were rumbling along in a tough green jeep that could also turn into a white, adorable dragon and heading west to stop said revival of said monster demon.

-

And it is yet another infamous fact that these four guys were being chased after by a _bishounen _red haired prince and his friends for the sutra. But that's not the point.

-

The point we are trying to make is this: There's ANOTHER infamous fact that there other hapless assassins who have a desire to erase Sanzo-ikkou's names off the annals of history because they're either in it for the money, the glory or the immortality. Most of us seem to conclude that it is none of the aforesaid intentions.

-

It's just that they're stupid.

-

Now no matter how inclined we all are to agree with this conclusion, we all know this can't ALL be true. Most youkai have brains. Whether they have little or a lot is a different story entirely but they have brains. Proof would be the numerous youkai that have tried to kill off Sanzo in the most creative of ways. (Pitting Sanzo against Sanzo himself for instance.)

-

But there's another conclusion to be made after observing the behaviour patterns of the aforesaid youkai.

-

They have no creativity whatsoever.

-

There is no change in routine when launching an attack against Sanzo-ikkou. It's the usual scenario: Break In Through Window, Threaten Senselessly, Get Butt Kicked.

-

One would think that MAYBE, just MAYBE, there would have been rumours going around the youkai grapevine that this sort of approach would achieve the success rate of complete and utter nil.

-

Apparently youkais don't have grapevines.

-

Well, the authoresses have researched extensively into the matter (by sending certain muses and plot bunnies into the fray to do the dirty work of spying, observing and running when necessary) and we have come to a startling discovery:

-

There's actually a training center where youkais learn how to attack the Sanzo-ikkou.

-

We'll let you see it for yourself.

-

-

_0530 hours _

-

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS!! RISE AND SHINE!!"

Groooan….

Moooann…

Grumble.

"Mommy, five more minutes…"

"UP!! NOW!! AND THAT MEANS YOU FLABBY GUT WONDERS!!"

-

-

_0630 hours _

_- _

"So? What's on the menu today, Unnamed Youkai #210?"

"Eh, same old, same old."

"What, soggy potato hash AGAIN? No high ranking monk meat? What happened to the immortality providing diet of priest stew we youkais thrived on?! What happened to enlightened-soul-on-a-stick!?

"Deal with it Unnamed Youkai #5033. This ain't no Houtou Castle."

"WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDIN THERE WITH YOUR LIPS FLAPPIN!? QUIT YER COMPLAININ' AND STUFF YOURSELVES!! MOVE!!! MOVE!!! MOVE!!! NOW MISTER BEFORE I MAKE YOU GIVE ME 200 WINDOW BREAKINGS!!"

"Sir!! Yes, sir!!"

-

-

_0700 hours _

-

"ALRIGHT, you lazy no good excuses for demons! It's basic examinations day! Let's see what you girls have learned in training!! #4590!! You're up!! Let's MOVE!!"

"Yes, sir!!"

-

-

_0735 hours _

-

"YOU CALL THAT A WINDOW BREAKING ENTRY, #4590!!? The glass didn't even SHATTER!!"

-

-

_0745 hours _

-

"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN LEARNING, #3128?! DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF!? ARE YOU IN KINDERGARTEN!? DO I LOOK LIKE I'M YOUR MOTHER?! YOU THREATEN BEFORE YOU ATTACK, YOU USELESS SLUG!! GET BACK IN LINE!"

Mutter. "My mother doesn't look like an shaved baboon…"

"WHAT WAS THAT?! BACK TALKING TO AN OFFICER?! DROP AND GIMME 1000 PUSH UPS!! NOW!!"

"ONE, sir! TWO, sir! THREE, sir!..."

-

-

_1443 hours _

_- _

Pant. "DAMN. I…" Puff. "HATE basic training exams…" Pant.

"Yeah, well, it's over. Time for Threats For Sanzo-ikkou."

"Great. More napping time."

-

-

_1500 hours _

"Let's see what you've written, #8960…"

"Well, sir?"

"What are you trying to DO, #8960?! Recite poetry to Sanzo?! What IS this- "Good evening, Reverend Sanzo. May I inquire as to whether I can borrow your sutra for just a teensy minute? It would be ever so helpful-" Do you actually think this will WORK?!"

"Well, I think-"

"NO! That's where you went wrong! Don't THINK! I mean, listen to #219's one! The best writer in this class and he deserves that title."

"…sir, he just wrote "DIE."

"EXACTLY!! That's a proper threat! Short, concise, to the point!! AND SUITABLY THREATENING!!"

"With all due respect, sir, it sounds boring."

"AT LEAST it's better than what you've shown me, #8960!! And if you want even flowery language, just look at #9028! "Hand over the sutra or die a painful death, Sanzo!!" You see?! That's a threat! Even if it's long! It's NOT a polite request!!"

"Sigh… yes, sir. Sorry sir."

-

-

_1800 hours _

_- _

"Ugh… what a day…"

"Hey, at least it's over."

"For now. What IS this stuff?"

"Dried rubber leaves steeped in gravy."

GROAN. "I need monk meat…"

"Hey, cheer up! Wanna go watch the newbies crash through windows?"

"I guess…"

-

-

_1930 hours _

_- _

"NO, NO, NO!! That's all WRONG, #10340!! You either use your shoulders, your heads or just go right through the glass without thought of personal safety! And you CERTAINLY don't try to open the latch quietly and unsuspectingly!! You must make your presence known!!"

"…then can't I just use the door?"

Horrified gasps.

"How could you even THINK of such a thing?! OF COURSE NOT!! Just for that you drop and give me 500 push ups, #10340!!"

-

-

_2000 hours _

_- _

"NO!! AMBUSHING DOES NOT CONSIST OF CONSTRUCTING ELABORATE TRAPS AND OTHER MISCELLANOUS CLEVER DEVICES! YOU JUST JUMP OUT OF THE BUSHES OR TREES AND THREATEN THEM!!"

Instructor slaps forehead. "Youkais these days…"

-

-

_2100 hours _

_- _

"LIGHTS OUT!! EXCEPT IF YOU'RE GOING TO TRY AND KILL THE SANZO-IKKOU AND GET THE SUTRA!!"

-

-

That was as far as we could get from our informants.

To see if this training was applied, we followed Sanzo on one of those normal days.

-

Whether days are normal at all for the Sanzo-ikkou is another issue to debate upon at a later time, just in case you feel the need to argue.

-

* * *

The fabulous four had stopped by another inn on their journey to Tenjiku. They had booked their rooms in the usual manner, partaken of dinner and had paid for it along with the damages done to the inn in the inevitable food fight after Goku discovered that Gojyo had finished off the last of the spring rolls.

Then…

-

**CRASH!! **

**- **

"Idiot, what'd you break down the door for?! Sensei said we were supposed to go in through the window-"

"Shut up!!" The green skinned, newbie leader of the group cleared his throat.

-

-

"SANZO!! HAND OVER THE SUTRA OR DIE!!"

-

-

Sanzo sighed as Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo exchanged smirks and a smile.

-

* * *

-

**SLASH!! **"Y'know, this is SO routine."

"Ah, but it helps us get our exercise, Gojyo!" **BOOM!**

**WHACK! STAB! **"I'm hungry…!!"

"AGAIN!?"** SLASH!!**

"Quit your mindless chattering and finish them off!" **BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! **

"So says our benevolent and beloved leader-"

**BLAM!! **

"OI!! Are you trying to kill me or something!?"

**THUMP. **

"No."

"Stupid, no good, corrupted monk…"

"Well, that seems to be the last of them, everyone. Shall we go back and have a game of poker?"

"Sounds good to me, Hakkai."

"Whatever. I need some sleep."

"What are you, some sort of sleep deprived zombie?"

"_Korosu_."

"Na, Hakkai, can I bring up some ramen to eat from the kitchen?"

Chuckle. "I don't see why not, Goku…"

-

After that, they finally retired to their rooms.

-

Thus we come to our final conclusion.

-

Youkais actually have a place to learn the standard attack Sanzo routine.

-

So scratch that idea bout them having brains.

-

They _are_ just that dumb.

-

**The End. **

* * *

_YunCyn_: That 'thump' in the Sanzo-ikkou's conversation is the sound of a youkai falling. The usual, aim-for-youkai-behind-Gojyo bit.

_Imaginator_: You know that no matter what that monk says, he does care for the rest of his little grou-

**BLAM!!**

_Sanzo_:** Nandato?**

_YunCynImaginator_: Gotta go! Happy Halloween everyone!! (runs screaming with the monk shooting away at authoresses)


	32. Just when you thought you'd seen it all

**The Tale of the Bench**

**By YunCynImaginator**

_YunCyn_: (wince) Yes, it has been TWO whole months since we updated...

_Imaginator_: No doubt you've all forgotten poor lil' ol us by now... (sob)

_Muses_: Poor lil' ol' you?! YOU two are the ones who haven't updated!!

_YunCyn_: (scowl) If it weren't the season of peace and goodwill now, we would so pound you two...

_Muses_: Hehehe.... Merry Christmas everyone!

_YunCynImaginator_: And a Happy New Year!! (smile)

_Bunnies_: (waves)

**Disclaimer:** Deck the halls with disclaimers! Fa la la la la la la la la... Nothing belongs to us! Fa la la la la la la la la...

* * *

- 

Imagine a bench.

-

Just an ordinary bench made out of wood and iron, meant for people to rest their feet and plunk their bottoms on when they get tired. You know, the kind you see in parks and shopping malls.

-

Now, imagine that on this particular bench were two particular people. Both were sitting at the opposite ends of the bench, placed as far away as possible from each other. One would wonder why these two would want to be as far away as humanly possible from each other. After all, it's not like they knew each other or anything or were bitter enemies.

-

Right?

**-**

**-**

**Wrong. **

-

-

Because on the left end of this ordinary wooden and iron bench…

-

Sat the famous thorn in Gyokumen's side and every other temple elder's side, and 31st generation of the Sanzos, protector of the sutras.

-

-

Also known as Genjo Sanzo. Hoshi-sama, if you want to be formal or if Gojyo feels suicidal.-

-

-

Aaaand on the _right _side of this perfectly ordinary wooden and iron bench…

-

-

Sat the not as famous thorn in Gyokumen's side and occasionally the red headed prince of Tenjiku as well as the ward of a certain violet haired chemist.

-

-

Also known as Lirin. "Gaki" if you want to get a mouthful of her fist.

-

-

Curiously enough, they were sitting in the same position.

-

-

Hunched over and in a royally foul sulk.

-

-

Now, this wouldn't be so strange about Lirin. She went into these fits when she was either a) denied food b) denied permission to beat the Sanzo-ikkou to a pulp c) Dokugakuji beat her at poker and black jack.

-

But Sanzo sulking like a little child was something that took a rather long stretch of the imagination. Brooding darkly about his past, his comrades or the fact that it was raining, yes. But sulking?

-

Yeah, rather.

-

There was a long moment of silence as the two sat in perfect quiet. Not even a pin dropped.

-

Then Sanzo, who had been sulking about his fate, his past, his lost master, his irritating ward, his equally irritating red headed, womanizing comrade, his as irritating smiley friend, his allergies to cats and how his cigarette wasn't doing it's usual job of calming him down, suddenly shifted focus from nothing in particular to the person at the other end of the bench.

-

-

"Oi."

-

-

Lirin, who had been sulking about her mother, her brother, her baby sitter, her friend who had this really annoying habit of beating her at card games, the Sanzo-ikkou and how she wanted to kick their butts soooo badly and how she was hungry, looked sidelong at the other guy at the opposite end of this bench.

-

-

"What?"

"How the hell did you get here?"

"Beats me, Baldie."

"I would."

"…how did _you_ get here?"

"…ch', I don't bloody know."

-

-

The conversation stopped there.

-

-

And for another looong moment, there was perfect silence.

-

-

"…y'know," spoke Lirin suddenly, feeling unusually conversational that day. "It's funny. I don't feel an urge to jump on your shoulders, pull your hair and call you Baldie."

Sanzo, instead of feeling annoyed by her voice, found himself replying in a very conversational tone, much to his horror. "…And there's a lack of an urge to take out my gun and shoot a gaping, smoking, bloody hole through your skull."

"Huh. Funny."

"…Ch'." He finally said, his brain failing to supply any other intelligent reply.

-

And once again, silence reigned supreme. Utter, perfect, uninterrupted silence.

-

-

Then suddenly, out popped a tall, dark shadow, about twenty yards from Sanzo's end of the bench.

-

And the monk didn't feel like taking out his gun and narrowing his eyes to be on guard from any sort of youkai attack strangely enough and much to his sub-conscious mind's terror.

-

The tall shadow revealed itself to be Kougaiji's faithful retainer and Gojyo's beloved older brother with the unusually long name.

-

-

Dokugakuji. Better known as Doku if you don't want to type the entire name each time he's mentioned and break your fingers.

-

-

Sanzo looked up with an eyebrow raised, quietly surprised at his appearance. Lirin didn't seem to notice.

-

A small feeling of doubt and suspicion crept up Sanzo's spine suddenly. For in one of Doku's hands, was a single, long stemmed rose with a few leaves. The thorns had been thoughtfully snipped off. The colour of the petals was a smooth red, a shade darker than Gojyo's hair and eyes.

-

-

Without a word, Doku stopped right in front of Sanzo, got down on one knee…

-

-

-

And held out the rose.

-

-

-

Sanzo stared at the flower in shock, disgust and slight terror.

-

-

For a minute or so, there was utter silence again.

-

-

Then the monk deigned to speak.

-

-

"What the bloody _hell _do you think you're doing?"

"What's it look like? I'm giving you a flower on one knee," answered Doku as if he gave men the symbol of love every day.

-

Silence as Sanzo took in the answer spoken in the matter of fact tone.

-

"Why the bloody hell are you giving it to _me_?"

Doku shrugged. "I dunno. Orders are that I'm supposed to come in, get down on one knee, give you the flower and leave."

"What kind of bloody orders are _those_?"

Again, the retainer shrugged and gestured upwards to the sky that had somehow materialized. "Ask them. I've got no clue."

-

Sanzo glared upwards. Oh, the heavens had a bloody sick sense of humour concerning him, he knew.

-

-

Particularly if the heavens were actually a bloody computer screen and a pair of sick authoresses with equally bloody sick plot bunnies and as bloody twisted muses. (Boy, he's bloody today, ain't he?)

-

-

There was silence as the monk tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he asked again.

-

"…what the hell am I supposed to do with it?"

Doku looked annoyed. After all, his knees were getting tired. "Just take it already and give it to Lirin to chew on or something. I don't know."

-

-

With a growl, Sanzo's arm reached out and took the rose from Doku's fingers. Getting to his feet, Doku just turned and walked off, vanishing into the distance.

-

Raising an eyebrow, Sanzo glanced over at Lirin who hadn't seemed to notice her friend at all.

-

"Oi."

"What?"

-

Sanzo stretched out an arm, hand extending the rose to her.

-

"Here."

-

Lirin turned.

-

And stared at the flower.

-

Sanzo looked up.

-

And stared at Lirin.

-

Then he stared at the flower.

-

Both Lirin and Sanzo now stared at the rose.

-

-

-

"Say CHEESE!!"

-

-

-

**Chi-CHIAK!! **

**-**

**-**

That, in case you didn't know, was the sound of a button being pushed and a photo being taken.

-

-

Gojyo ran off as fast as he could, howling in laughter with a camera in his hands.

-

-

In shock, the monk could only look after Gojyo running off, just realizing what had happened.

-

-

The redhead had captured on film, solid evidence of what NO ONE in their right minds would imagine could actually happen in their entire lives.

-

-

-

Sanzo giving Lirin a red rose.

-

-

-

There was a long silence as the fact that he had been tricked into giving her a flower sank in.

-

-

Then both monk and young youkai broke out into an exclamation that summed up their feelings about the whole affair.

-

-

-

**"…oh _bloody_ SHIT!" **

**-**

**-**

**-**

**The End.**

**-**

* * *

_Imaginator_: (cackle) This, just so you know, was inspired by me, YunCyn and our good friend, Alex the 3rd- 

_YunCyn_: The 77th actually.

_Imaginator_: 77th? Who killed her?

_YunCyn_: Assassins, blitz ball players who hold long grudges... the usual.

_Imaginator_: Eh, whatever. Basically, all three of us were sitting on a bench at the local mall when... (snicker)

_YunCyn_: (snigger) Fluff bonked her on the head with the idea since I'd bought a rose for my dad to give my mom.

_Imaginator_: T'was her parents' anniversary, you see.

_Muses_: (glares at bunnies) You know, if they served rabbit instead of turkey...

_YunCynImaginator_: Hey! NO bunny stew!

_Muses_: (grumble then perks up) Once again, Merry Christmas, everyone!

_YunCynImaginator_, _Muses_: Remember, Peace on Earth and Goodwill Toward All Man! See ya!


End file.
